Life Goes On

I'm finding it slow to get back into a normal routine after the emotional drain and business of last week's funeral. My mind keeps going back to the family that has lost a loved one and to my own daughter who lost a dear friend. Once again I am struck by the fact that life must go on and life does go on. The body is laid to rest, family and friends gather for a meal and some memories, everyone goes home, goes to bed, gets up the next morning and for most of us it's back to our normal routine...whatever is the next thing on the calendar or our to-do list. It's sad in a way and hard to think that when our time comes the same thing will take place. People move on and pick up any slack we may have left behind, our spot is filled except for perhaps in the hearts of a few dear ones where we may leave a hole for a time. That's the way it should be, but sometimes it just seems strange to think just a short time ago that someone was walking, talking, doing their work, serving the Lord and carrying on conversations with us...now they're just gone...just like that...poof, it's over. I don't mean to sound all depressing, that's not the point and I'm not at all depressed...just being realistic I guess and thinking that life is short and life is precious. 

As of today, we are planning a trip to visit our son and daughter in law this Saturday. It will probably be only a day trip as Hubby has things to do and responsibilities to return to. We'll be moving some things down for our son...things he left behind until he had a place of his own to keep them. I'll be taking my rocking chair...I'll have to get a good photo of it before we load it up. It's the chair Hubby bought for me when I was expecting our son. It rocked all my babies to sleep...lots of stories read while we rocked. It is sad for me to part with it, but at the same time a joy as I pass it on to the next generation. My son was the first baby to be rocked in that chair, now he will rock his baby in it. It just seems right. 

The sun finally came out...just in time to set. It's been gray and dreary all day. 

The "Black Prince" rose bush has blooms again. This is a clipping from my mother in laws bush. Hubby's sisters say the original blooms were so dark they were nearly black - hence the name, but now they have turned a magenta/pink. It almost seems each year they get lighter in color. 

I am so pleased with the work I was able to accomplish last week, despite the reasons behind my motivation. This week I've been working on more long term projects and ones that are less physically demanding. I'm looking forward to really digging into them next week. One of you asked what the goals are I have been talking about...there is quite a list and perhaps next week I'll be able to share....that is if you're still interested.  

I'm looking forward to tomorrow...I'll be back to tell you all about it. 

Life is Short

It's been a difficult week. Just barely four weeks ago we received word that a dear church member and sister in the Lord was diagnosed with ovarian/liver cancer. Just two weeks ago she was sitting in church - she looked to be in pain, but she was there. She was her usual cheerful self...she was always smiling, always having fun and she said she was good with whatever plan God had for her. The plan was for chemo, then surgery, then chemo but they discovered the tumors on the liver were so large they were causing complications with her kidneys and so stints were inserted but made very little change. They were to begin dialysis and I honestly don't remember if they were able to or not. My daughter is very good friends with her daughter - just returned from a trip out west with her...that's where they were when Mary's diagnosis first came in. Last Saturday afternoon we had been planning to make a meal for hubby for Father's day but my daughter came in with tears streaming down her face. I asked her if Mary had died, she said "no, but she's going to". They were just handed the news that there was nothing they could do for her. Daughter jumped in the car and drove the 2 hours to the hospital to say goodbye and to keep vigil with her friend. Mary passed into glory at 6 a.m. on Father's Day morning. After leaving the hospital, Daughter stopped by her brother's for breakfast and coffee before heading home. This is the email from our pastor - he sums it up so well...

This is unthinkable.

Mary Newman passed into eternal glory this morning at 6 am.  

I don't understand it.  And I am brokenhearted.  My heart breaks for you George, and for you Sarah. And I will miss my friend Mary every day - especially on Sunday's and Monday's.  Especially when the 49ers are winning, or loosing, or just playing. Especially when I watch the lions loose, especially when I need a place to get our of town, and relax, and be fed a good meal, by someone who loves to serve.  I can't imagine our church without Mary Newman.  We will never be the same.

My thoughts always run to sports analogies when I think of Mary.  God - aren't you supposed to leave your best players in the game?  It doesn't make sense.  It is hard to believe.  But in all things we trust God.  We trust His plan, and his will.  

When I was holding Mary's hand yesterday in the hospital she was in and out a bit.  Her mind was all there, but she was totally exhausted.  At one point she woke up, opened her eyes wide, leaned forward, and looked right at me. "Tone"  "I am not afraid!".  In spite of the pain and discomfort and exhaustion, Mary had total peace yesterday.  There was not an inkling of fear or regret, or really even a desire to stay in this world.  She had total trust in her savior, and complete peace in the Father's plan.  

Mary was surrounded by people who loved her yesterday.  And they loved her because they had all been loved by her.  Many of you were much closer to Mary than I.  It was incredible to watch her church family and friends show up and love her yesterday.  It was a testimony to how much Mary gave and served each one of those people. 

Please keep George and Sarah in your prayers.  They are doing better than I could have ever imagined considering the circumstances.  They are at peace with God's will, which I think is incredible. But they will still need your prayers.

I will miss you Mary.  But I am glad that you are now experiencing what we all long for. When faith becomes sight, and hope becomes reality.  "I'll see you on the flipside"

Pastor T 

Mary always had people from church or other friends at their home. She loved cooking for them, entertaining and watching football. I don't remember ever being invited, but I'm not much of a fan of football or games in general...I take that back, I may have been invited once and couldn't make it. I wasn't invited again, which is ok, my only regret is that I didn't get to know Mary as well as I would have liked. The college students spent almost every Sunday afternoon at their home eating, watching football, doing homework or just hanging out. I invited them to our home often, but they only came a few times...I think they had more fun at Mary's. Daughter said they all wanted to come back up for the funeral and could they stay with us. They were planning to pitch tents in the back yard but just the same I cleaned house last week like a mad woman, using the situation as an impetus to accomplish what I've been wanting to get done anyway - I just wasn't planning on doing it all at once. I spent Tuesday cleaning the upstairs...bathroom, dusting everything in the house, floors, dishes, some cooking, etc., Wednesday I cleaned the basement even rearranging some furniture and doing some of those yucky once a year jobs, Thursday I cleaned the garage...it was bad. Thursday I also made two pans of bars for the funeral dinner. The kids decided not to stay here after all since they would be pulling in around midnight to 1 a.m. but Daughter convinced them to come for a pancake brunch. I love having them all here, I just wish the situation surrounding them being here could have been a different one. 

Friday (yesterday) was the funeral, there were so many people they had to have it in the church gym instead of the sanctuary and they had people directing traffic which is unheard of. I had to park in another lot across the street and take my life in my hands walking across the street. I've never seen that much traffic in that neighborhood. The service lasted an hour and a half and was followed by a dinner. I went for food, but didn't stay long. I came home exhausted. 

Today I just want to sit. I'm so tired of cleaning and cooking and baking. I did manage to finish cleaning up the kitchen after yesterday's brunch...most of it I was able to deal with before leaving for the funeral, but some was still waiting for me. I've also cut Hubby's hair and cleaned the car. I'm glad I worked so hard on my cleaning projects last week. I'm happy that I only have a few more cleaning projects to finish and hope to get those done this week. 

I'm still shaken by Mary's passing and I'm not quite sure why. I didn't serve alongside her in Awana, or on the kitchen crew or in Sunday School, I didn't hang out at her house and wasn't invited to the many parties she had at her home. I did appreciate the fact that she was always kind, always acknowledged me with a hi, how ya doin', and was always, always smiling. I think what bothers me most is that I always wanted to be her friend, she was someone I thought I would enjoy being around but I never had the chance. She worked full time and like I said we didn't move in the same circles or have the same interests. I feel like I have missed an opportunity and yet I don't know that given it all to do over again, I'd do anything any differently. I'm also bothered by the fact that she was my age and though I know the truth and am reminded periodically, the realization set in again that life is short and we never know if we will live to see another sunrise, never live to hug our children again, or tell our spouse how much they mean to us. We don't know when our last opportunity will be to do all those things we've been meaning to do. I also wonder sometimes if I'm doing all I could be doing or should be doing. I know we're all different and we all have different gifts and talents, but she seemed to touch and influence so many lives...there were so many people at the funeral that loved her so much. I can't help but wonder am I reaching out to everyone I should be...could I somehow be doing more without forcing myself to be someone/something I'm not? All questions I don't yet have answer for. 

I'm enjoying my respite today. We had some pretty strange weather move through around lunch time. The clouds had some pretty weird color to them and it was so dark the street lights came on. We watched it move in from the back deck...watched it change, watched the rotation and wondered if it was really going to develop into something more dangerous. We did get wind and lots and lots of heavy downpour along with a few pieces of hail. Hubby just finished planting the garden this morning and we're praying the seeds didn't get washed away. After the rain left I sat here watching the fog roll in and now the sun is trying to shine. It's still windy and somewhat cool, but that's fine by me. 

Summer Begins

With the start of summer coming on, I have been keeping quite busy. Memorial Day weekend brought my son and daughter-in-law up for the long weekend...it was nice to have them for longer than usual. Past visits have proved difficult for them and their two large fur-babies...the dogs are quite needy and finding a place for all of them to stay that was both private and quite was a challenge. They decided they wanted to try reclaiming a room from our old apartment which is over Hubby's print shop. Since we bought our house and moved out of the apartment he took it over for added shop space and it's quite full and quite the mess. I helped them clean out a room and make a bathroom look less like something you'd find at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. :P It was exhausting work, but they seem to be comfortable with the result. 

Here I am pictured with one of my piano students. I carried 15 students for most of the season and Saturday the 4th 11 of them participated in our spring recital. We had several with fast fingers...some of that due to nerves. I try to tell them when the adrenaline kicks in things can sometimes get out of control. Even with some mistakes, everyone seemed to handle it well. I took this week off to catch up on some things here at home before I start summer session for those who want it. I think I’m only going to have about 6 and most of those will only be once a month to every other week depending on their needs. I think I’m the most flexible teacher in the area when it comes to scheduling.

I’ve been working on spring cleaning a little at a time and trying to sell some of our extra junk we no longer use or need. It’s quite the job to sort and make decisions, take pictures, write up descriptions and post on websites...time consuming too.

I have been working with a fellow pianist and teacher this winter. We have traded services to better ourselves. She is working with me on the piano to sharpen and enhance my skills as both pianist and teacher and I am teaching her the organ. It’s been a good experience for us both and on August 26th we will be joining together in a recital. We will be using a very historic organ in the area and one of my favorites. Our recital is one of several to showcase the organ and raise funds for it’s upkeep. 

Tomorrow is another ATC trade - this months theme is "Holiday-you pick". I'm trying to use up all my scraps that I won't be needing for scrapbook pages so my holidays were chosen with that in mind. I did four on Easter using the song text from Easter Parade: 

I continued on with New Year's...not the holiday I would normally choose, but again, I had supplies to use up:

The two in the middle are my favorites. Using more supplies I went on to St. Patrick's Day and made two for Christmas. The one in the middle is my favorite of this group:

It seems my to-do list is ever growing. There never seems to be enough time in each day to accomplish all I should do. There has been some curiosity from some of you as to the goals I've been referring to lately. I will be sharing some of those with you in coming blogs so stay tuned. Nothing earth shattering, I assure you. 

I'm off to the church this afternoon for practice time.

Hubby and one of our church members have been making some repairs on our church organ. I am very thankful our friend is good at soldering. We still have some work to do, we did find out a repairman is out of the question due to expense.

Hubby and I thought we were going to be given an organ for me to practice on at home. It would have been very helpful for numerous reasons but the deal fell through. I still hope to obtain one at some point. 

Reset

baby steps

In her recent blog entry Ann Voskamp speaks on doing a reset in the month of June. I like much of what she says here and believe it will be useful information for me right now. Anyone out there who has read the last several blog entries here will know that I have some goals I have set for myself. Though I have not felt it necessary to share these goals in detail at this time I will say over the last several months it seems they have been divided into two distinct areas of my life. In area number 1 I have done poorly and am not currently reigning over this in my life. I have a long way to go, perhaps even a longer journey ahead of me than I had when I began. It's disappointing and discouraging and even troubling. On the upside in area number 2 I have seen great success, it has been exhausting and progress is slow, but the progress is obvious and though there is still a long way to go, I am encouraged and feel I will have a successful rule over this area. 

"June is the Second January."

Today is June the 1st and I am doing a reset today. One of the first things is to read again some things that have encouraged and instructed me over the last several months. 

 Ann Voskamp puts it this way -"hard things keep calling you because you're meant to answer to higher and better things". 

Ann also mentions the "pain of discipline vs. the pain of disappointment". 

Endurance not indulgence. 
Hebrews 10:32 says, "For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised". 

My favorite quote from her is: "Understood this way, each thing we don’t feel like doing, great or small, becomes an invitation from God to follow in the faithful footsteps of his Son, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2)."

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us

.”

"Yeah, yeah, I’m a slow learner in a life going by fast — Every day, every moment, you only have one decision to make: what will you do with time.

It’s strange: You can want nothing more than time, and use nothing worst than time.

You can watch life.  Or actually play life. And only one way wins.

God gives us everything we need for space — but we will have to make space.

God gives us all the ingredients for time — but we will have to make time.

God gives us everything we need to live — but we will have to make a life.

No one just gets space. 

No one just gets time."

"God gives you the raw materials — but you will have to make your life."

I have to remember to just show up, just do the work, one day, one moment at a time. 

"To love your life, do nothing with rush or resentment, but do everything as if you love it.""He makes the most of his work — who makes most of the gift of getting to do his work.

Because this makes the most of the grace of God."

"Successful people are the ones who choose to let the joy and satisfaction of simply getting to show up be their payment."

"Keep practicing the presence of being aware of His presence. Keep going and never, ever give up.

"When you work faithfully, creativity comes faithfully. Keep showing up — because this is how you never, ever give up. It’s never, ever too late to begin again."

"June can be about new beginnings. Change your habits and you can change anything into a possibility." life-giving habits. 

"Our habits unclothe us — they expose our wounds, our insecurities, our idols, our addictions — or our hopes, our dreams, our prayers. Our habits are us. The patterns of our lives reveal the form of our souls."

"A pail with a pinhole loses as much as the pail pushed right over.  A whole life can be lost in minutes wasted… in the small moments missed."

A pail with a pinhole loses as much as the pail pushed right over.  A whole life can be lost in minutes wasted… in the small moments missed.

"Make gratitude your attitude of habit — there’s no other way to make joy your life."

"Every little day just has to be just a little bit better: Small things done consistently, consistently make the biggest change."

Small things done consistently...Small things. 

"And you get to do hard & holy things, you can do hard and holy things —for the joy, for the love. Because whatever you do for joy, you can do forever."

Did you catch that...it's not that we have to...it's that we get to...we have the joyful opportunity to create change.

"Habits matter because: Habits are the spine of our self-control."

"You change your life when you change what you do everyday.  Habits are small gears that leverage your life — and the habit of hope can resuscitate anything."

"Even what looks like it has a snowball’s chance in hades of happening or changing… 

The snowball tree releases petals in the wind, a habit of letting go and hoping better things….

And all these small seeds keep across the field grow —

like this growing trust that the smallness of A Seed Life, of faithfully stewarding seed moments, is what grows a habit of astonishing abundance."

“We are all going to botch it some days. We all sometimes get the notes wrong. But the song only goes wrong when we keep thinking back to the wrong notes.”

“When a piece starts to fall apart — fall forward. Fall forward into the next bar. Moving forward is what makes music.”

"Failing? What feels likes failing is really gaining experience. Keep moving Forward!"

"Falling apart? Fall forward into His arms — falling forward is the only way you make music. Keep moving Forward!"

                             FORWARD!