Yesterday I came home with a heavy heart. On one hand I was relieved that I finally was able to nail down which one of us is playing what music in the recital - at least for the most part, but at the same time I came away with a feeling that his heart is not really in this. I don't know if it's just because he has so much on his mind right now or if he is only doing this out of some sense of obligation. I was looking forward to planning this together, working on the music together and looking forward to it together. I don't know what's going on with him and I don't know if I should say something or not and if I do I don't know how to approach the subject. I'm afraid he'll feel cornered. None of this is turning out how I envisioned. I'm just hoping in the next week or two the chemistry between us returns.
After my practice time I stopped by the scrapbook store to see if my friend who fell down the steps and injured herself so badly was better and back at work only to find out she had to have another surgery, has been fighting infection and is back in the hospital until at least Friday.
Later I got online looking for something to cheer me up only to find out Gordon has also had a slight setback - his white blood cell count is low so he's got some strict orders from the doctor. I was afraid he was doing too much to soon and not allowing his body to heal. Please continue to pray for an all clear from the cancer report.
I went to bed last night with such a heavy heart - a dark cloud seemed to settle in and not go away.
I'm better today, but still struggle with disappointment on several levels. Tomorrow is another practice day - at least I have some direction now. Thursday morning early I have a much needed massage that I hope will begin to turn around some of the physical problems I've been dealing with.
I think it's time to call it a day and curl up in bed with a favorite movie.
