Discoveries

As I wrote yesterday, only a few days into my Lenten project and already I'm struggling with discouragement and self-doubt. The amazing thing is, right on cue...God shows up and starts His encouragement campaign. 

The first thing He did is shown in this the above photo that I took from my kitchen window...look closely...do you see it? A cross, glowing in the sunset at the end of the day as if to say "I did this for you, you can do this for me." 

Last night, wanting to make some headway in one of my projects, I went to a shelf where I've been storing boxes of memorabilia and chose one at random to look through. These boxes contain things my mother saved from my childhood as well as things I saved for each one of my children of their childhood. Awards, poems, artwork, cards, etc., all collecting dust and musty smells from the basement. It's time to sort, and find a better storage system until I can get the scrapbooks made. As I looked through the box in hopes of discarding some things, I came across two very special surprise items. 

My mother used to paint a lot of paint by number pictures. I know, there are all kinds of jokes out there about how cheesy paint by number are, but my mother had creative inclinations and no money or opportunity for training of any kind so she made art in the only way she could. She became very good at it. I remember being fascinated watching her paint so carefully and skillfully into those teeny tiny spaces and keep her lines so straight. I did it too a time or two and enjoyed it very much. I know she also did it to fill her lonely evenings and to keep her hands busy and her mind occupied. When we moved into this house I remember packing a picture she had painted of a girl in a large straw hat. It was always one of my favorites and I wanted to be sure it was saved. Since we moved in I have searched and searched for that picture and haven't been able to find it. I thought it was the only one of her paintings left until I found two in the box! They are both of Christ....one as the 'Good Shepherd' the other with the 'crown of thorns'. They are damaged slightly, but look fine from a distance. I'm so happy to have them and am amazed I found both of them this week of all times. 

My mother was also famous for writing everything down. She used to take scraps of paper, staple them together and put them in her purse for grocery lists or for copying down things she found while we were out and about. She wrote down everything from Scripture verses, to poems, to hymn texts. She would often scavenge scraps of paper that had something on one side but blank on the other for her supply. One such paper had the text to a hymn she had written down on one side and the remnant of a note from Gordon on the other! It said "Well I guess I've gone on long enough. I hope I've been able to encourage you to press on. Have a wonderful Christmas season. In Him and His love, Gordon K. Page." 

The tears came. All those memories flooding back again...the amazing way he always made me feel. I wish I had the rest of this letter...I don't remember it and I have no idea how it came to be in my mother's scrap paper file...GRRRR , but I'm glad I have at least this much. Once again, I'm tired, discouraged and beaten down and as if he reached down from Heaven and handed the note to me for the first time, it refreshed my spirit. Just when I needed someone to tell me to "press on", just when I needed some encouragement, it comes...from a most unlikely source...a dear friend, now in Heaven. What a special gift to me! 

I want to share one more picture with you before I close just because it makes me smile and I hope it will do the same for you. 

Have a good night all!

Practice Time

Church was good yesterday, though I was disappointed as were some others that we didn't sing more Christmas hymns. It was my turn to play the offertory and it went well. I experimented with a registration that reminds me of my favorite pipe organ. Hubby said it sounded very nice. Only one other person made a comment, which is fine. I think the newness has worn off and people are finding it sort of normal now, which is a good thing.  Hee, hee, I'm sounding more and more like my mentor everyday. 

Daughter came over after church yesterday and helped a little with some Christmas decorating.  I always put up this little tree on the piano.

We still don't have our big tree up yet, but everything else is done.  It's always a bitter-sweet time for me as most all my decorations  have been handed down by my mother. Most of them were on her tree when she grew up, so they are quite old. This one is a cookie! I even have a picture of her about age 4 in front of a Christmas tree and this ornament can be seen hanging on the tree behind her!

Some, I remember buying or making with her when I was growing up. Either way, she is always on my heart as I bring them out each year to decorate. The little wax choir candles are quite a collectors item, I'm told. Mom left them on the TV one year and they began to melt. ;) I bought the porcelain ones when I got married because they reminded me of my mom's wax set. Now I have both. I always miss her, but especially this time of year.

Scolding myself...do you ever unload your heart on someone, then wished you hadn't? Do you ever open up to someone and then feel as though the most important thing on your mind and heart made no impact at all on the person you shared it with? Have you ever sought advice, sympathy or just a little understanding and felt like you were talking to the walls? Truly, sometimes I think I share too much to the wrong people and I'm the only one who pays the price...disappointment, rejection. Am I the only one who does this repeatedly?? Someday maybe I'll learn. There...that's my rant for the week. 

The big plan for today is practicing. I'll do some cleaning around here this morning and I plan to be at the church from 1:00-4:00 or 4:30. If my mentor isn't too busy, he said he might come up to work with me for a bit. I hope he makes it, we have so much to discuss...I just hope I am able to get the answers I seek and tell him the things that are on my heart.

Josh Groban - For Always

A Light Glows on October 3

It's a gray, cloudy day today and it rained quite a bit this morning - very fall like. I'm lighting a candle today in honor of my mother; today would have been her 86th birthday. I usually try to do something special on this day, but with a lesson right in the middle of the day, it's a bit difficult to very much. Perry Como is singing in the background...he was her favorite. I miss her terribly. 

Today I'm trying to catch up on correspondence, blogs, emails and letters as well as sort through some computer files. If time, I'll work on some cards. 

I'm enjoying the cooler temperatures, but not the lack of sunshine. I'm not quite ready to "hunker down" just yet, so I'm hoping for more sunny days ahead. I still have a few chores I need to do before the weather turns bad. We made a total of 22 1/2 quarts of applesauce and after giving away 2 boxes of apples, we still have  a box full to deal with. I decided to juice some and put that in the freezer as well. 

I'm enjoying my students; each one is a joy. I could still use a few more to fill the days, but in the meantime I plan to use the time to get myself organized around here. I'm still trying to get my Etsy store up and running and make more cards to put up for sale. I hope this weekend I can get several made and get pictures taken of them for the website. 

The new organ has yet to be picked up, but they are predicting we should have it sometime in the next couple of weeks, then the work really begins. I have been spending more time at the piano recently which is a good thing. I have been trying to work up a piece of Christmas music my college professor arranged. It's quite challenging and my brain just refuses to wrap itself around some of the patterns and surprises it holds. Still I soldier on...I would really love to play it this Christmas in his honor. Please continue to play for Dr. Gordon Page, he has his consultation today. http://drgordonpage.tumblr.com/ One of the things on my to-do list is to make him a card and send him a real letter. 

Hubby continues to worry me. He is restless in his sleep...when he sleeps - I know he has so much pressing on his mind that he refuses to discuss and I don't know how to help. We continue to pinch our pennies and to no avail. Now with the healthcare requirements...UGH! We can't afford insurance, nor can we afford the penalty. How they figure it's affordable for everyone is beyond me!! Our country is in such a mess and between that and the other discouragements and sadness in my life I struggle to stay positive but I keep going back to Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength; a very present help in trouble." 

For some reason I keep thinking today is Friday...wishful thinking? 

Summer Rain

We just experienced the most wonderful rain! There was a little thunder but no visible lightning and once it got going it was one of those nice, steady, soaking type rains...just what we needed. It came at a time of day that brought back memories of my childhood.

Nearly every afternoon in the summer when I was young we could set our clocks by the rain. It would come in around 5:00 or so just when dad's were coming home and it was time to go inside for supper. We would eat to the sound of the rain forming puddles in the yard, then by 7:00 or so it was over and all the neighborhood children would head back outside to splash barefooted in the gutters. It rarely failed to disappoint.

I remember summer evenings after those rains. There were several of us kids living on or near the corner of that street. We lived next to the corner house where Karen and Joey lived...Karen was my brothers age, about 4-5 years younger than me. Then Denise lived across the street from them, she was in my grade at school. Roger lived next door to us on the other side, he was one year younger than me and his sister, Gwen was a year older than me. Also in that family was Mary, Steve, Greg and Cindy - the last four were all too old to be caught playing with us. Although, we used to rent out a small cottage behind our house to a single young man and all the girls in the neighborhood were ga-ga! Mary would come out and pretend to join in with us when he was out working on his car. We would play hide-and-go-seek, red rover or freeze tag, running in and out of all the yards until we couldn't see each other's faces or our mother's started yelling for us to come in. Those were the days, such simpler times...today I miss them.

I had a massage therapy appointment today. It wasn't as bad as I had expected, though my usual chronic problems reared their ugly heads. My therapist told me about how our bodies hold onto things like stress and grief and how the left side of our bodies relates to the female, while the right side relates to the male. One of my chronic issues is my left hip and leg. The hip is in the center area of the body and does a lot to support and carry the rest of the body...being on the left side, the female side, she suggested perhaps I am holding onto grief for my mother and it is being "stored" in my hip, that if I could find a way to release it my pain might diminish, maybe even go away entirely. How do you let go of grief?

I'm also having a great deal of pain and tension in my right shoulder. She said the shoulder is often where we "shoulder" our burdens, concerns and worries and since it is on the right side, that suggests by worry would be regarding a significant male in my life. She said she had the same issue going on about the same time she learned about this theory. She said she was having right shoulder pain and not only did she want to rid herself of the pain, but she wanted to try the theory out for herself. She thought long and hard about what it could be, but couldn't figure it out. Not long after that, her husband quit smoking and her pain went away. When she realized it was gone, she thought about what had happened and realized how worried she had been about her husbands health. It made her a believer in what she originally thought was just far-fetched.

I am worried about my husbands health and stress levels and the fact that he also shoulders everything for the entire family. I worry about what would happen if something happened to him  - where would I turn? How would I manage? What would I do? We have no savings, I know nothing about the business, how to sell it and all the equipment, I don't have a job that would pay well enough to support me, and finding work at my age in a small town will be next to impossible. I know nothing about cars, insurance, or anything because he refuses to teach me or go over what to do just in case, no matter how many times I have asked or expressed how much I need him to lay it all out for me.

I do still carry grief for my mother and all the thoughts of my childhood summers brought back some lovely memories of her always being home and always being there for me. Perhaps I carry that in my hip. I miss her, I will always miss her and I grieve...how do I let go of that? I have no idea.

The rain has passed for now but the clouds remain - the coolness is welcome as is the light breeze coming in the studio window. The crickets are singing and this summer remains for just a short time, then it to will be just another memory.

Small Town Saturday

Clear

55°F Feels Like: 55°

It's a cool morning and we're only expecting a high of 66. Despite what the picture says, it is mostly cloudy - as a matter of fact, I don't see any sun at the moment at all. We've had a lot of rain, which I am glad for, but at the same time it's been so cool that our garden is way behind schedule. 

Today is Pasty Fest in our little town. The parade start is in the next block and many of the participants are driving past the Little Turquoise House on their way to line up. I get to see horse drawn wagons, old cars and fire trucks...woo-hoo! I used to enjoy parades when we first moved here...I guess I enjoyed them through my children's eyes; now that they are grown I don't walk over to stand on the curb and worry about the children darting into the street for candy...once a mom, always a mom! There will be vendors with food and games in the park, once again, not so much fun without the kids or someone to walk and talk with. I have gone over by myself, but I'm almost always disappointed, so...not this year.

I've been spending my time teaching, practicing and scrapbooking. For the most part it's all good. Wednesday I went into town by myself to run errands and shop. I realized I hadn't been to town by myself since last fall! It was so nice! I did splurge a little on myself...I bought a top at Walmart for $10.00

See how nicely it dresses up? 

and a skirt at Goodwill for $4.00.

I also looked at some shoes that I really want because I like the look of them but also because I think they will be quite practical, but they

didn't have my size so they are bringing it in from another store. I will go back next Wednesday when I take Suki to the vet for her shots and try them on, then decide. Since I have so much trouble with my feet, they are $85.00 shoes so I have to make sure they are a good fit. I didn't much like the attitude of the salesman though. 

Thursday afternoon was my matinee day at the organ in the Heritage Center, then the Anita's and I had our lunch date yesterday. After we ate we took her to the Heritage Center again where some painting needed to be done and Anita suggested I practice the organ so they could enjoy some music while she painted. So I had two practice days in a row...I'm not complaining. I must remember to take business cards when I go from now on as there is almost always someone there asking about lessons or just interested and could maybe pass one on. 

GOOD NEWS! I have TWO...count them...TWO new students!! I blogged about my new neighbors a while back, well, they have a 14 year old daughter that has been trying to teach herself piano and wants to take lessons! She came on Thursday, shaking with nerves, but we made it through the get acquainted session and her books are on order. Then to my surprise I got a hit on an online local music group where I posted an ad. It must have been God's timing, because I just posted it and heard immediately from a mom looking for a teacher for her 11 year old daughter. We emailed back and forth several times...I'm always a bit concerned when doing business over the internet...I wanted to make sure she was legit. Long story short, she has ordered the necessary materials and her daughter is to begin lessons on the 11th! If all my students from last season return in the fall and my new ones continue on, I will have a nice number.

I started a new scrapbook page last night; I'm now working on my grandmother's pages which brings to mind memories of sitting with my mother as I listened to her tell me stories about her since she had died when I was just a baby. I remember a far away look she would get in her eye when she talked of her. I will spend my day working on those today...and remembering... 

Where Inspiration Took Me

Now that Mother's Day dinner, gifts, and phone calls are a thing of the past and Mother's Day 2013 is but I memory, I have had a few moments to settle into the quiet which has brought me to fully reflect on my mother and of course how much I miss her and missed spending Mother's Day with her. 

I posted earlier of a new blog I had been looking through; it got my creative juices flowing again and that combined with the thoughts of my mom brought me to creating a trading card in her honor. I was going to wait and share it with the other trading cards for the month of June, but I couldn't wait. 

May I present "Mother's Day Roses". 

Can you tell I'm pleased with how it turned out? Yes, that's a photo of my mom as a young girl in the center of that rose. I couldn't resist making two, one to trade and one to keep. 

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

An Absolutely Gorgeous Day...The Better Version

A good share of this post is a duplicate of an early entry. There is some added text and all the pictures have finally been uploaded. I hope you enjoy your walk with me.

October 3rd, 2012...I am absolutely amazed at how beautiful that day was! 

   
The fresh air, sunshine and temperatures in the low 70's literally beckoned to me. I got my housework done and after lunch planned to go on a walk around the lake for about 45 minutes or so. 
   
With Suki in tow and my camera along, I took off! This is a favorite spot in the area where we walk our dogs every day. 
 
 I have been fascinated by this old building since we moved here. My son and I have often dreamed of restoring it and making it into a fabulous home decorated in an industrial style combined with a pop of warmth. It would have an open concept main floor with the bedrooms upstairs. All the floors would be wood and I'd keep as much of the natural stone as I could without it being too dark. Keep your eyes open, I had some fun with this old place.
 
  The sun was warm but not hot, and the sights, sounds and smells immediately lifted my spirits.
   
 I wanted to somehow scoop up and bottle the scents of pine, dry leaves, moist earth and moss to open again on some dark winter day when the The Little Turquoise House is full of stale air from being closed up. I found them intoxicating!
  The water sparkled, the birds flitted from tree top to tree top and the leaves delicately swirled to the ground. My creativity was renewed and I wanted to take photos, write, scrapbook and compose all at once. My mind was full of ideas and thoughts and plans. Days like today are truly gifts and blessings from God!   I dawdled and soaked up every bit of natural vitamin D I could get to shine on my face.
   

Suki and I enjoyed the view from this bench for quite some time. 

   

Here is another glimpse of the old building.

   
 I absolutely did not want to come home and so I dawdled some more and nearly didn't make it back in time for my student that afternoon. Instead of 45 minutes, we had been gone 2 hours! Before going in, I stopped by the garden and found these Johnny Jump Ups still in bloom. They popped up right next to the vegetable garden this summer. A bit of a story here, these flowers and the larger version, the pansy have always been my mother's favorite flower. We bought this house right around the same time my mom passed away and she was more heavy on my heart than the furniture we were moving. With all the doubts and fears and stresses we were experiencing, I found peace and comfort when these flowers started blooming all over our new front yard. Call me crazy, but I took it as a nod of approval from my mother, that we had done the right thing in buying the house and that she was pleased with it and happy for us.  Now this year we planted our first ever vegetable garden and this little patch of flowers showed up only here and no where else in the yard! October 3rd is a day very near and dear to my heart because it's her birthday and this was the perfect way to celebrate it. 

I hope you enjoyed your stroll with us. Welcome back to the Little Turquoise House!