Distractions

Thank you all for your kind words and comments on my tribute to Gordon page - it really meant a lot. 

I was so thrilled to find out at almost the last minute that Gordon's memorial service was made available via live stream. I had to do some student juggling, but I knew I had to "be there". It was a beautiful service. I found out later that there were 600 people in attendance in the building and 160 of us watching online!! Am I amazed? Yes and no. 

The prelude music was provided by the man himself via recording and couldn't have been more appropriate. It was strange in a way...watching a memorial service of someone I cared so much for on my TV screen. It almost didn't seem real. During the prelude they were showing a slide show, pictures of him. I couldn't see them very well and some of them not at all because of the camera angle, but I did see one of my very own pictures of him show up on the screen! It was this one I took of him on choir tour one year.

I'm sure they just grabbed whatever pictures they could find, but I felt honored when I saw it there. It was a connection...a confirmation that I was indeed part of his life. I remember taking that photo...who would have imagined then where it would end up. 

The very first thing was the entrance of a 60 voice choir that sang his choral arrangement of It Is Well With My Soul. We sang it in college, so I know it well and I knew from the very first notes played on the piano that it was Gordon's arrangement. Those who spoke talked of his love for God that was made manifest in everything he did, of the joy in his music...an outward expression of the inward man. So true! His son told how his dad had taught him to participate in music even when "just listening", made him ask questions regarding the emotions in the music, the colors, harmonies etc. He said that his dad found God in music and taught him that creating art was an act of worship. I know this is all true; he taught the same things to me. 

Two things that stood out to me that the other speakers mentioned. One, that Gordon's "default system" was praise to the Lord. No matter what was going on, even in the midst of cancer treatment and pain, he was still praising God. Two, that Gordon gave us a picture of God every time he sang or played an instrument. That was the point of Gordon's music...his life...to praise, honor and glorify God and it was evident in everything he did.

It's been a difficult couple of weeks and my entire system is paying for it. Gordon's passing has left me pondering things in my own life...he's still teaching me. 

I feel as though I've gotten off track...I've been distracted by too many "irons in the fire". I have so much going on and I'm going in so many directions that I've lost time for my true callings. I won't go into a lot of detail...just know that there are some changes coming. I know I've been called to glorify God in my music and reviewing Gordon's life has given me a renewed passion for practicing, studying and teaching; for putting into practice everything he taught me and for learning what I never quite grasped. I want to be the best musician I can be but it's going to take a lot of time and effort. 

I've been reminded of successful athletes...they eat, sleep walk, talk, breathe their sport. That's what it takes. I know I'm going to have to let some activities go and I'm finding that difficult, but I'm not getting any younger and time is marching on it seems faster and faster every day. So..I will be making a list of both my responsibilities and my callings and putting away the things in my life that don't produce advancement in those areas. I believe God has a place for me...I may not be saving souls on the mission field, feeding the hungry or giving my life savings to the poor, but I am called to be diligent in the place where God has set me. Lately I've been more distracted than diligent, but with God's guiding hand, it is my hope to put away those distractions. 

I hope you'll all stay with me on my journey.

Unload

The graphic at the top is a reminder to me today, I have a lot on my mind - a lot to unload.

I didn't realize it's been a week since I last posted. I'm taking a vacation day of sorts today - most of my students have cancelled their lessons this week due to spring break. I did have a couple from a homeschooling family that was to come today, but they came down with some intestinal crud that is keeping them home. My only student today will be my online student. So I've decided to run with the lack of schedule and just relax - I don't even have to cook because I have enough left-overs that we need to eat. I'll get to all the important stuff today, just in my own time.

The weather on Sunday was GORGEOUS! I took Suki for a walk and wore only a light sweater and the neighbors were outside shoveling their deck so they could uncover and use their grill.
Notice the deck handrail and the black spot in front of him is the grill...he's digging down to it.

Almost done - note The Little Turquoise House in the background. You can't see us, but Hubby and I were actually watching them from the window.

Today it's dark, with a cold wind/rain going on. We're supposed to get snow on Friday with a possibility of 8-10 inches. I just hope they're wrong.

One of our local music teachers has been recovering in the nursing home from hip surgery for many months now and it was finally determined by her family that she will need to move into assisted living this week. I understand she is planning on continuing to teach some students, but is giving away most of her music and lesson materials to the rest of us teachers who might be able to use it. I went to her home yesterday to look through the 8 large boxes of music while the family was busy moving furniture. I thought it would take about an hour - two hours later I had to finally just throw in a handful of sheet music to be sorted through at home. I brought home one box...FULL.

Though I'm not very "close" to this fellow teacher, it still makes me sad to think she is at this point in her life already - maybe because she is not the only one I see around me that is "getting old" and failing before my eyes. My dear friend/teacher Gordon who is dealing with cancer, my friend Jeannie from the scrapbook store who has taught me so much about scrapbooking and cardmaking is facing depression while trying to heal from her fall and my mentor who has his own set of physical issues and depression - I've watched him age 10-15 years in one and it is breaking my heart. It's difficult to think that I'm entering this stage of life and I find myself kicking and screaming like mad.

Now we've finally come to the heart of the matter. As I've said in recent posts, we are trying to plan a recital to be played on our "new" organ at church. The idea is to showcase the new organ and rejoice in it's arrival. We wanted to have a "dedication" but that seems to disturb the Pastor for whatever reason, so I've about nixed that idea except to say it will still be a dedication in my heart and mind no matter what is publically said or done. The idea was conceived in October, but since then I have felt a general lack of support from those involved. I knew something was really wrong the last couple of times I had mentioned it and I didn't know what to do or say or how to clear the air. One of you said that if I was supposed to talk about it, the right time would come. I'm here to tell you I took that advice to heart - I waited and decided when I went to practice yesterday that I wouldn't mention it at all and if he did then that was fine.

He did.

He opened up and unloaded everything I had feared was brewing inside of him the last few weeks. He told me about everything that has been on his mind, much of which is not music related but important in his life now. He told me about the nightmares he's been having, one of them having to do directly with the recital which tells me this is really eating away at him. He told me he isn't a "recital person" which I knew...neither am I so I get it. I understood everything; I wasn't surprised at anything he said and I think I handled the situation well - which does surprise me. I told him I if we did this I wanted us to be able to...maybe not "enjoy ourselves" but at least find joy in our efforts, that the last thing I wanted was for this to become yet another burden for him to carry. He sort of flippantly said "maybe in the fall", then changed the subject. I later brought it back and asked him directly if he thought he would genuinely feel better about doing it in the fall and I watched him consider it, then he honestly said he didn't know. I told him part of me wants to just do it now and get it over with while the other part of me is fine to wait and even happy to wait if it means him being more comfortable.  We decided to wait before saying anything to anyone else (except I told Hubby) and that we would think about it this week and pray about it and he'd let me know. I'm not going to mention it next week, I will once again let him if he feels ready to discuss it again. In the meantime I'm trying to prepare myself for him to back out completely. Hubby really wants me to do this recital - I don't know if I can do it alone, I know I don't want to.

We also talked about his upcoming retirement in a year which is also heavy on his mind.
He is looking forward to it and wants to "freelance" - being able to continue to practice, play the organ when it is needed/wanted and substituting for other organists when asked. He's afraid though that once he retires, the church will find less and less use for the organ (already starting) and he'll be putting his organ shoes away for good.

If that were to happen, the organ would fall into disrepair. It is 20 years now since it's rebuild and already has some needs that should be addressed, but efforts to get help up here have failed and expenses are mounting. 

The thought of that possibility - of no longer climbing these steps with heart pounding anticipation, 

of looking up in amazement into the organ, 

                        of spending hours filling this room with music - just breaks my heart.

I struggle to stay positive, to enjoy the time I have there however long/short it may be - because I don't want to waste this time bemoaning what might happen. I'm trying to come to peace with the fact that no situation is permanent and all good things must come to an end at some point and to be grateful (which I am) for all I have learned, experienced, and felt here. It truly is a rare opportunity that I have had and I am beyond grateful for having been chosen for such a gift. 

Prayerfully yours~ 

Joy

It's the third week of Advent and i just have to share some joy with you. I may ramble on, so if you're busy, tuck it away for later. 

You're probably going to get sick of hear this, but I just have to share again what a blessing the new organ is and music in general. Sunday was recital day for my students. Since not all of my students and their families celebrate Christmas, the last couple of years I came up with "Family Recital" and invited all family members to take part as many of my students come from talented families; Christmas/holiday music is optional. This year we had a mother/son piano duet and one of the mothers sang for us...acapella...GORGEOUS! She even found a way to combine it with the piece her daughter played, which had nothing to do with the Christmas song she sang, but complimented it very nicely. She was quite creative with it and it was great! Her father installed organs for a living and she was quite impressed with our new organ, she said it sounds amazing. 

One of my young students that seemed quite taken with the organ when I gave my little organ tour this fall was planning to play a piece called Bells. I told her if she wanted to, she could play her piece on the organ using the carillon stop. She said she'd think about it and I told her mom my idea. She arrived a little early, came up to me and said "I want to play my piece on the organ". I was rather surprised because I felt she was so hesitant at her lesson. We tried it out so she knew what to expect and she was fine with it and did quite well! Later her mom told me the reason she was hesitant was because she felt badly for the other students...that it wasn't fair that she was the only one that got to play the organ! I didn't realize she had considered it such an honor. 

Hubby and I played our rendition The God of Abraham Praise for them and I consented to do a duet with one of my students fathers. He is our neighbor and the new pastor at the church down the street. He wanted to do Bring A Torch Jeanette Isabella by Mannheim Steamroller. It was fun putting it together with him at the piano and me on the organ. He wanted to take it much faster, but I won out. :) It was still a fast waltz tempo and even at that I had to leave out a lot of the notes. Hubby said it sounded good and I'm trusting his judgement more and more. 

Speaking of Hubby - after everyone was gone and everything was cleaned up, he requested a "private concert", so I practiced a bit while he listened. I'm having trouble with the In Dulci Jubilo I want to play next Sunday morning...it's falling apart. I slowed it down and that seems to help some. Hubby decided the final chord needed a boost, so he pulled out the 32' sub bass and I think he's right. He loves that stop LOL! He now boasts of his new job at church - "I'm the 32' stop puller". Since my hands are rather busy at that point, I'm letting him step up and pull it for me and he seems tickled to do so. He cracks me up...I'm really not sure who's enjoying this organ more, me or him! 

Little things like this are happening and it's just so exciting to see. So many things are possible now that never were before. I love seeing the students test the waters and I hope that more will want to give it a try. I am feeling so blessed today. I'm blessed to work with a great bunch of students and some wonderful families, blessed to have a supportive husband, blessed to finally have an organ at church and blessed to have a mentor working with me who really cares about me and what is going on in my life...he's a true friend and brother.  

Oh...one more...I made some cards to sell, all proceeds to benefit the organ fund. Several women expressed wanting to see them, so I took them to church, had an announcement made and only one woman actually came over to look at them, but...she bought $30.00 worth! I had hoped there would be more  people interested...oh well, I tried. 

Today is cleaning, laundry, working out, teaching and card making day. Hubby will be gone for the evening, so I'll put on some music and see if I can get some cards made for me to give out! 

I'm sorry I have no photos today to break up this rambling prose, but thanks for "listening" to me bubble over! :D I pray you too are having a day filled with joy!

The Pleasantly Unexpected

I had my day all planned out. I had cleaning and laundry and organizing to do. Sure, I wanted to spend my afternoon at the pipe organ as is my custom on Monday's, but I'm still without my car and I prefer to leave Hubby's truck for his needs, but when he asks me to do a delivery to the church where I practice and gives me permission to keep the truck for the afternoon...well...plans do change quickly sometimes. ;)

As I climb the stairs to the organ loft I anticipate the coming hours of music, encouragement and a spiritual cleansing of sorts. I wish I could describe what happens sometimes as I sit there working through the music. Today I opened a book I've had since I first began organ study - it's called "The Treasury of Early Organ Music". I've learned a few of the pieces, but I have struggled in the past to connect with it's music. It's old...very old. Some of it is chant-like and most of it is in minor keys. I wanted to learn them, I wanted to love them, but I couldn't seem to claim them as mine...until today. 

My teacher came up as I was playing through one and he was thrilled I had chosen to work on them. He encouraged me to keep at them and I asked him - how do I make them relevant and real for today. He told me to love them...then he left. 

I began with his first suggestion...a beautiful piece that I've heard him play many times - it makes a lovely wedding march. It looked daunting, but he had told me to take it slow. I did. It wasn't nearly as scary as I had made it out to be for the last 20 years! I made it through...it isn't pretty yet, but it's do-able. 

I turned the pages to one of the chants. I had learned it before, but stopped playing it because I couldn't make it applicable to today's worship. I played it through and remembered why I liked it before. I changed the registration to strings - which didn't really make sense if I stopped to think about it - and...amazing...I loved it. The entire piece changed character; as my fingers pressed one note and then the next...it was growing and evolving and together the instrument and I were creating something brand new out of something old...breathing in new life...It's an amazing experience. I'm so excited to spend the summer focusing my practice efforts out of this one book...a "treasure" to be sure. 

I'm blogging tonight because I want to try very hard to discipline myself to not get on here in the morning - or if I do, make my time very brief - for cursory reading purposes only. I want to hit the floor running - I have much cleaning and organizing to do and I want to get it done so the rest of the summer can be mine to focus on my weight loss, music and scrapbooking. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I want to be as ready as I can be for whatever God brings our way. 

Psalm 98:4
Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all the earth; make a loud noise, and rejoice and sing praise. 

What A NIGHT!

Last night I took my students to see the pipe organ. My mentor met us there to open the doors and I assumed he would leave, but what I didn't realize at the time was that he stayed downstairs...listening!

When I found out he was there,I was so embarrassed he heard all my stammering and lame explanations! I'm sure I only served to confuse my students. My words got up and left me! . I had such a hard time getting through it I hope they were able to learn something.

 I have decided I am not going to do it again with a group that large. I didn't realize one mother was bringing not only her two children that I teach, but the other four as well. One of my other students had to come with a church friend, who also brought his two daughters who are both young but taking piano from another teacher.

I didn't mind having guests except these girls were quite precocious and kept interrupting and not allowing the other kids to get a look or have any space while at the instrument. They were quite a distraction. 

The bug may have bit one or two. One of my adult students seemed to be falling in love. After some of the crowd had thinned out her daughter just had to play again - she also looks to have been bitten - she played Silent Night on just the pedals and did quite well. On the way home, she said "how am I ever going to go back to just playing piano again". 

I may see about taking them to another organ either this summer or fall...one or two at a time. Doing it this way was just too much stress and I don't feel as though I did a thorough job in explaining. 

I was so glad to get home to a glass of wine and my Castle DVD's to help me decompress!! 

I'm BACK!!

I'll bet you never thought you'd see three posts from me in two days! It feels very odd to me as well to be writing so much at once, but it's been an odd kind of day for me. I thought about waiting until tomorrow to post again, but I'm not sure if I'll have the time. 

First thing this morning was the call about the organist position, then I got a call from a friend of mine. She is a dear person and I love her dearly, but I don't often hear from her unless she has a new volunteer position to fill. She is involved in many activities and causes around the area and is always looking for help for one thing or another. We have a woman in our church who has Alzheimer's and lately I've noticed her declining rapidly. My friend and several others have been helping her husband by going over every day at lunch time and eating with her and spending a little time with her and they would like to have more people with which to share the load. After caring for my mother who died from complications of the disease, I never wanted to have anything to do with it ever again, but I told my friend I would go with her tomorrow to see what responsibilities are involved. I will probably be taking a shift every other Friday. I'm sure it will afford me lots of things to blog about!

Just a bit ago my mentor called. Have I properly introduced you? I'll have to go take a look-see. Anyway, due to the weather I have not been to practice in several months now and he has been away helping his mother since his dad passed away recently. He called to tell me he's back at work and I am welcome to go practice as soon as I can. I'm hoping if my company doesn't show up by then, I'll take Monday and go for a much needed visit with my favorite organ! I will help him do some tuning and must practice for and plan a field trip for my students to hear and play it. 

Here I go for weeks grasping at straws for something to write about and now I have more than I can handle LOL! I feel like I've been on this computer all day. I did get another section of the floor done, there are two, possibly three yet to do.

Thank you to all who have responded to my post about the organist job. I appreciate all your advice and prayers offered.  

The sun has been dancing in and out between the clouds this afternoon...I'll take it. 

In A Quandry

The sunshine has taken another hiatus, it is cloudy, windy and gloomy today. As I said yesterday, we've seen about a foot of melting so far. You can see that evident by lower limbs on the trees in the neighbors yard. 

Since my students have cancelled for the remainder of the week due to being out of town for spring break, I will be back on the floor scrubbing again today. I failed to mention yesterday, but I washed, ironed and re-hung my kitchen curtains, once I saw them clean, I realized how dirty they had become. We heated with wood this winter and the soot was awful. Today I'll wash the bedding on the guest bed to get the room ready for company. 

I received a call this morning from a man representing a local church that is looking for an organist. I would love to be able to take it, but I have some issues that are getting in my way. 

My problem is two-fold. I don't drive in the winter except through our small town and the church is located in another near-by small town, but I would have to drive down a steep hill that has seen it's share of tragedy in years past. Getting down would be scary and getting back up in time to play for my own church's service would be cutting it close. I also have a very difficult time driving at night...something with my vision, I have an awful time and have for the most part, given that up as well. The job also requires working with the choir which meets on Thursday evening from 7-8 p.m. You can see now, why with these issues I am very limited in my activities.

The extra money this job would provide is SO very needed right now...so much so that it is almost causing me to consider braving the situation and go against everything my head tells me is wise and take the job anyway. I'm just fearful that come winter, I will be unable to fulfill my responsibilities and be hanging the church out to dry without an organist. 

I was told that the position is currently shared between 2 women, both of whom I know through our organist group, and the one would

be willing to stay on part time if I didn't want the job full time. I had the idea that if it works in her schedule, she could be the winter organist and I could be the spring, summer, fall organist. It's quite unorthodox, but if she's willing, it could work. Somehow, I doubt it will work with her work schedule. The organ is a very small, but sweet pipe organ. Most of my music would have to be changed as it does not have a pedal board. 

I have already discussed this with Hubby and he also is quite hesitant for me to take the job because of the hazards and stress  it would bring on me, but is also finding the extra money a real need. 

I just don't know what to do...they want an answer within the week...I'm asking everyone I know to pray I make the right decision.

Walking in an Unfamiliar Dark Room

 

I continue to preach - rather unsuccessfully - the need for students to slow their music down, especially in the early stages of learning a new piece.

Today I related it to trying to walk around in a dark and unfamiliar room. If we are concerned about injuring ourselves, we don't walk into a dark room the same way we would in a room filled with light. We slow down, open our eyes wider and feel our way, being careful not to stub our toes.

We must treat unfamiliar music like a dark room. We must slow down, open our eyes - looking carefully for signs along the way, feeling our way from one note to the next, one phrase to the next. If we are making many mistakes and re-striking keys, we are going too fast for our skill at that time. By slowing down and learning everything slowly and correctly, we actually speed up the learning process and our retention. Speed comes only when we know our way around.

Until we finally learn to slow down and feel our way, our music will remain unfamiliar and dark. 

Beatin' the Streets

This morning I walked from one end of town to the other...approximately 8 blocks down and back in the 85 degree sun...distributing flyers for my piano studio. This afternoon after helping Hubby with a project, I drove to the next village and distributed a few there. I still have another nearby town to canvas early next week.The good news is I have two brand new students scheduled already, those two make up for the two I lost at the end of last season...all I need is a few more to help me meet my goals. When I finally sat down in the chair late this afternoon to watch a little TV, I suddenly found myself no longer watching the show I sat down to watch...sleep had claimed me for about an hour!

I'm working on a new incentive  program for the students this year, I have some kinks to work out and some artwork to make for the studio...I'll share more when I get it worked out.

I also started another new project today...it's a secret, please just pray with me that I am able to complete it...it's important. Thank you.

Organ Practice - I Did Not Want to Come Home

I Did Not Want To Come Home

May 7, '12 7:08 PM for everyone

Today was organ practice day on the pipe organ. My mentor and I spent some time talking about how he now has the pre-sets set up and organized and why. Then I spent most of the time practicing a piece I learned several years ago but haven't played in a long time called Morning in the Garden. It's a tone poem and well suited for the French organ. It begins with the strings in soft meditation and then switches to flutes. It stays in the flute family for a while, emoting between pianissimo and mezzo forte before it grows fuller and the diapasons take over. The diapasons ramp up the intensity and prepare us for the other voices to rejoin the chorus as the sun makes it's appearance on the horizon. The organ swells again, as the sun continues to climb and finally in full chorus I get to throw on the Bombarde in the pedal and rattle a few pews in fortissimo as one can almost feel the warmth and see the color splash across the morning sky as the sun spreads it's rays in triumph. A new day has begun!

It's truly a gorgeous piece and I long to play it publicly someday, but I don't know if that will ever happen. I am planning a tour for my piano students and their parents and I thought this piece would be a perfect choice to showcase the instrument. I am also planning to invite PastorT and his family. I hope they can come.

All students have cancelled for the afternoon, I guess the stomach flu seems to be going around. I could have stayed and practiced longer had I known no one was coming today. Oh well. I get to relax this evening and watch the season finale of my favorite show.

I hope your day was as good as mine or better.