It's been a difficult week. Just barely four weeks ago we received word that a dear church member and sister in the Lord was diagnosed with ovarian/liver cancer. Just two weeks ago she was sitting in church - she looked to be in pain, but she was there. She was her usual cheerful self...she was always smiling, always having fun and she said she was good with whatever plan God had for her. The plan was for chemo, then surgery, then chemo but they discovered the tumors on the liver were so large they were causing complications with her kidneys and so stints were inserted but made very little change. They were to begin dialysis and I honestly don't remember if they were able to or not. My daughter is very good friends with her daughter - just returned from a trip out west with her...that's where they were when Mary's diagnosis first came in. Last Saturday afternoon we had been planning to make a meal for hubby for Father's day but my daughter came in with tears streaming down her face. I asked her if Mary had died, she said "no, but she's going to". They were just handed the news that there was nothing they could do for her. Daughter jumped in the car and drove the 2 hours to the hospital to say goodbye and to keep vigil with her friend. Mary passed into glory at 6 a.m. on Father's Day morning. After leaving the hospital, Daughter stopped by her brother's for breakfast and coffee before heading home. This is the email from our pastor - he sums it up so well...
This is unthinkable.
Mary Newman passed into eternal glory this morning at 6 am.
I don't understand it. And I am brokenhearted. My heart breaks for you George, and for you Sarah. And I will miss my friend Mary every day - especially on Sunday's and Monday's. Especially when the 49ers are winning, or loosing, or just playing. Especially when I watch the lions loose, especially when I need a place to get our of town, and relax, and be fed a good meal, by someone who loves to serve. I can't imagine our church without Mary Newman. We will never be the same.
My thoughts always run to sports analogies when I think of Mary. God - aren't you supposed to leave your best players in the game? It doesn't make sense. It is hard to believe. But in all things we trust God. We trust His plan, and his will.
When I was holding Mary's hand yesterday in the hospital she was in and out a bit. Her mind was all there, but she was totally exhausted. At one point she woke up, opened her eyes wide, leaned forward, and looked right at me. "Tone" "I am not afraid!". In spite of the pain and discomfort and exhaustion, Mary had total peace yesterday. There was not an inkling of fear or regret, or really even a desire to stay in this world. She had total trust in her savior, and complete peace in the Father's plan.
Mary was surrounded by people who loved her yesterday. And they loved her because they had all been loved by her. Many of you were much closer to Mary than I. It was incredible to watch her church family and friends show up and love her yesterday. It was a testimony to how much Mary gave and served each one of those people.
Please keep George and Sarah in your prayers. They are doing better than I could have ever imagined considering the circumstances. They are at peace with God's will, which I think is incredible. But they will still need your prayers.
I will miss you Mary. But I am glad that you are now experiencing what we all long for. When faith becomes sight, and hope becomes reality. "I'll see you on the flipside"
Pastor T
Mary always had people from church or other friends at their home. She loved cooking for them, entertaining and watching football. I don't remember ever being invited, but I'm not much of a fan of football or games in general...I take that back, I may have been invited once and couldn't make it. I wasn't invited again, which is ok, my only regret is that I didn't get to know Mary as well as I would have liked. The college students spent almost every Sunday afternoon at their home eating, watching football, doing homework or just hanging out. I invited them to our home often, but they only came a few times...I think they had more fun at Mary's. Daughter said they all wanted to come back up for the funeral and could they stay with us. They were planning to pitch tents in the back yard but just the same I cleaned house last week like a mad woman, using the situation as an impetus to accomplish what I've been wanting to get done anyway - I just wasn't planning on doing it all at once. I spent Tuesday cleaning the upstairs...bathroom, dusting everything in the house, floors, dishes, some cooking, etc., Wednesday I cleaned the basement even rearranging some furniture and doing some of those yucky once a year jobs, Thursday I cleaned the garage...it was bad. Thursday I also made two pans of bars for the funeral dinner. The kids decided not to stay here after all since they would be pulling in around midnight to 1 a.m. but Daughter convinced them to come for a pancake brunch. I love having them all here, I just wish the situation surrounding them being here could have been a different one.
Friday (yesterday) was the funeral, there were so many people they had to have it in the church gym instead of the sanctuary and they had people directing traffic which is unheard of. I had to park in another lot across the street and take my life in my hands walking across the street. I've never seen that much traffic in that neighborhood. The service lasted an hour and a half and was followed by a dinner. I went for food, but didn't stay long. I came home exhausted.
Today I just want to sit. I'm so tired of cleaning and cooking and baking. I did manage to finish cleaning up the kitchen after yesterday's brunch...most of it I was able to deal with before leaving for the funeral, but some was still waiting for me. I've also cut Hubby's hair and cleaned the car. I'm glad I worked so hard on my cleaning projects last week. I'm happy that I only have a few more cleaning projects to finish and hope to get those done this week.
I'm still shaken by Mary's passing and I'm not quite sure why. I didn't serve alongside her in Awana, or on the kitchen crew or in Sunday School, I didn't hang out at her house and wasn't invited to the many parties she had at her home. I did appreciate the fact that she was always kind, always acknowledged me with a hi, how ya doin', and was always, always smiling. I think what bothers me most is that I always wanted to be her friend, she was someone I thought I would enjoy being around but I never had the chance. She worked full time and like I said we didn't move in the same circles or have the same interests. I feel like I have missed an opportunity and yet I don't know that given it all to do over again, I'd do anything any differently. I'm also bothered by the fact that she was my age and though I know the truth and am reminded periodically, the realization set in again that life is short and we never know if we will live to see another sunrise, never live to hug our children again, or tell our spouse how much they mean to us. We don't know when our last opportunity will be to do all those things we've been meaning to do. I also wonder sometimes if I'm doing all I could be doing or should be doing. I know we're all different and we all have different gifts and talents, but she seemed to touch and influence so many lives...there were so many people at the funeral that loved her so much. I can't help but wonder am I reaching out to everyone I should be...could I somehow be doing more without forcing myself to be someone/something I'm not? All questions I don't yet have answer for.
I'm enjoying my respite today. We had some pretty strange weather move through around lunch time. The clouds had some pretty weird color to them and it was so dark the street lights came on. We watched it move in from the back deck...watched it change, watched the rotation and wondered if it was really going to develop into something more dangerous. We did get wind and lots and lots of heavy downpour along with a few pieces of hail. Hubby just finished planting the garden this morning and we're praying the seeds didn't get washed away. After the rain left I sat here watching the fog roll in and now the sun is trying to shine. It's still windy and somewhat cool, but that's fine by me.
