Trust In The Lord Part One

This evening I found myself with my nose pressed up against the screen door as I listened to the sounds of the neighborhood, inhaled the scents of summer/fall and watched the color of the trees change and deepen with the setting of the sun. Today was one of the last beautiful days of fall. Our fall season up here can be awfully short; it's been so wet and cold this fall and the last few days have been so lovely, almost like summer. I'm not a fan of winter and fall is my favorite, I just wish it would last longer. Not only was the weather beautiful today, but I was privileged to have lunch with my dear friend and mentor. If you have read my blog for a while, you'll know that the man that taught me everything I know about playing the organ is now one of my dearest friends. We only live a 10 minute drive from each other but we only see each other about once a year and that's if I do everything I can to make it happen. Today was the day. We have one of those friendships where we just start talking like no time has passed. We had so much to catch up on today. I've also been quite wistfully melancholy of late. October is my month. I was born in October and so was my mother; she and I were very close. Her birthday was near the beginning of the month and mine more toward the end so we'd start celebrating with hers and we'd celebrate all month until mine. I miss her terribly, but mostly in October. We used to buy each other gifts and do nice things for each other all month long, always using the excuse, "it's for your birthday" when we knew darn good and well we had already spent and done above and beyond. It was special though and I can't quite let go of the tradition so I tend to try to find ways to treat myself during the month. Silly I suppose.

July was the last time I posted, which has been far too long. I did go back and delete a few posts, they were quite negative and too descriptive if the wrong readers should happen to find this blog. They were all about the struggles we've had at church and I really shouldn't have shared the specifics in such detail. My apologies.

Here are the teasers for the continuing saga of Trust In The Lord.

During the month of August I continued to struggle with all that was going on at church and watch it go from bad to worse. I played for the last hymn sing and our last Sunday was August 11. Stay tuned to learn how I've had to place my trust in the Lord as we both left one church family and became part of a new one.

Also in August was The Deer Chase a mountain bike race my husband heads up and manages. Deer Chase weekend is always stress filled at our house but this year it started off with a bombshell that would rock our foundation for several weeks!

Just prior to all of this going on we also decided it was time to purchase a new to us car as my husband was becoming more and more concerned for my safety.

At the end of September my second granddaughter gave us quite the scare and it remains to be seen if any permanent damage has been done and just what is ahead for her future.

Now I find I'm facing a health issue I had so hoped I could avoid.

To say the months of August and September have been emotional and stressful is an understatement but through it all God has been good to us and we praise Him for upholding us. Hopefully I will be back in a few days to expound on each of these events.

If you stopped by, please leave a note so I know you were here and can visit you as well.

In the meantime if fall is beautiful in your area, do enjoy it.

Royal blessings,

Jesus Loves Me

Post Easter and I'm playing catch-up. The house was a disaster...every towel was dirty and I had several loads of sheets to wash. I haven't seen Facebook much in several days and I missed this weeks Hodgepodge.

I don't know about you but Holidays make life busy and stressful. As a church musician there is always more to do, practice and plan during the holiday seasons (although somewhat less for me now than in years past...more on that in another post to come), not to mention the stress of playing for a larger crowd and for those that have higher than usual expectations.
As a wife, mother and grandmother holidays revolve around family and food which once again means I am called upon to do more than usual. There may be stressful situations with family members as well which only adds to the overall stress of the day. Questions always are flashing in my mind, should I speak up, should I let it go, what's going to happen next, is this situation going to escalate? Then there's that one person that just seems to get under everyone's skin...like and itch you can't scratch. UGH! Don't get me wrong, I love holidays, I love being with my family even with all their quirkiness and brokenness but when I wave goodbye and watch the last ones drive away I experience emotions that throw me for a loop. I'm sad to see them go, I miss them while I can still see their car driving away...especially my precious granddaughter, but at the same time I'm grateful for some time to be quiet, calm my heart and spirit and finally have the chance to reflect on the meaning of the holiday that is now completely past and gone. 

Jesus Christ, God's Son, Savior, Lord. That's a lot to reflect on right there. 

I have to admit most Christmases and Easters find me not taking the time to reflect until the day is over and family is gone. This Easter I'm happy to tell you was amazingly a little different.

My precious granddaughter has always had a difficult time sleeping. I'm not sure what it is or why, but she just fights sleep...I know some babies can be like that for whatever reason. It wears on my son and daughter-in-law and of course being away from home can further complicate matters. It's my observance that the more they seem to stress about it the more of a struggle it becomes. Tempers flare between them and with other family members who are constantly shushed and told to turn down the TV, stop talking and laughing, etc. I learned to be a good mother-in-law/grandmother by watching my own mother. She was the best...yes, even my husband would attest to that. ;) Her way of navigating those waters was to only offer opinions or help when asked, so I've decided to adopt the same system. The second night here both my son and his wife had just about enough. They hadn't slept well the night before, the day was long, my granddaughter had kept us all busy keeping her out of trouble and they were on edge...just needed a rest themselves.

Finally they came to me and asked if I would try putting her to sleep...maybe I could think of something they hadn't tried. It's been 25 years since I've put a baby to sleep and I was a little afraid of not being successful but I gladly took that little angel in my arms and gave it my best shot. My studio was the only available space for her to sleep so I leaned back in my office chair and put my feet up on the piano bench and took a deep cleansing breath. As soon as I got comfortable she began to calm down while I patted her back and spoke to her softly. I never knew my heart could swell with so much love again! I haven't felt that way since I had my own sweet babies in my arms. I suddenly became aware of how blessed I am. More out of instinct that anything else I began to softly sing Jesus Loves Me and before I knew what happened the tears began to roll down my cheeks.

I was suddenly so aware of Easter and all it means. Jesus loves me...so simple yet so profound. 

I can't remember the last time I sang that song...probably 25 years ago. Jesus loves me...me...ME! Jesus loves me so much He came to earth as a baby, was born in a humble stable, lived a humble life teaching of God's love. Jesus loves me so much he suffered, bled and died on a cross then rose again to prove death has no sting...for Him or for me. Jesus loves me and is preparing a place for me with Him for eternity! Jesus loves me! It's in those quiet moments...even when we're not necessarily thinking spiritual thoughts or planning to say a prayer...just those quiet moments when we can finally be still and quiet that He puts His arms around us and reminds us of His love for us. He loves me just like I love that baby girl in my arms. Oh how precious that moment was for me. How blessed I was to be able to hold her, calm her, sing to her...love her.

She finally squirmed a little and I readjusted her so she wouldn't fall, then she squirmed again like she wanted down, but she was sleeping. I decided that must be her signal that she wanted her bed so I put her in the pack 'n play. She immediately found her comfort position and I patted her back for a few more minutes before leaving the room. I felt so blessed, so proud...so happy that I hadn't lost my touch and grateful that I was successful in the mission I was given. Because of those few precious moments of quiet with my baby girl the Lord reminded me in such a special way of His love for me...for her...for all of us on Easter...an Easter I hope I will never forget.

                                                        Thank you, Jesus. 

I was going to end this entry right here but this morning I found out my Aunt had a stroke and passed away on Easter. My Aunt Mary was my mother's brother's wife. She was born in 1930 on April 1st. She and my Uncle Ed were married when she was just 15!! They had four children together. I wasn't all that close to her really but for some reason it has been a difficult day. She was family and I no longer see my extended family anymore and though I have tried, only two of my cousins will make an effort to stay in touch with me. It's sad and I'm just missing family and the family connection today. 

I hope you all had a blessed Easter and have had your time of reflection on the love Jesus has for you.

Fall

I know this is not a good photo of my first granddaughter and believe me when I tell you, my files are full of adorable pictures I'd love to share, but since Blogger doesn't have the best system of privacy and my DIL is very careful about what we post online, this will have to do. I'll have to find some ways to be more creative with pictures of her. 

Our first meeting was Thanksgiving. There is something indescribable that happened in my heart the first time I saw my son, my first born holding his first born. OH MY GOODNESS!! 

Even though she was already a month old by that time she and her mother were still trying to make sense out of the whole nursing thing and there was a lot of crying and very little sleep going on. Hubby had to get home but I got to stay for a total of four days. It was wonderful and awful. Wonderful because I got to be with my son and hold my granddaughter but awful because I felt so helpless and there really was very little I could do to help except do dishes of which I did...a lot. It was difficult to witness the struggle between new parents, wanting to butt in and knowing I shouldn't. GD, DIL and Hubby had all been sick the week before, I came down with a slight case while I was there and Son came down with a big dose just before he had to drive me home. I felt so bad for him. I loved loving on my GD, but I was so very happy to be home at the same time. 

Our second meeting with her was New Year's Day. We made a day trip out of it and that was much better although I'm not happy with winter driving in the dark...even as a passenger. She grew and changed a lot in a month and every time I leave her my arms ache to hold her again. I try to stay busy and not think about it too much. My DIL is very good about sending lots of pictures and video. 

I have officially joined the ranks of doating grandmothers.

I'm gonna rock this gramma thing!

Hello Again

As I look out the studio window I can hardly believe my eyes. The sky has turned to what I call "ominous  gray", the last few leaves on my little tree in the front yard fight to hold on by a tiny thread and the garden lettuces that weren't made into summer salads now wither and turn to seed. Summer is gone, fall is most definitely here and winter is rapidly knocking on the door. My thoughts have turned more inward lately and I long to make a steady habit of blogging again. 

There is so much on my mind to share; I don't dare attempt it all in one post. I have decided I will begin with the most current news because it's the most important, and work my way back until I'm all caught up. 

October 21st...11:14 p.m. Amelia Grace - my first granddaughter was born...just missed my birthday by one day!! Momma and baby are healthy but Momma isn't snapping back as quickly as she'd hoped. They are all trying to get used to being a family and are putting off visits with friends and family until they get rested up a bit...yeah...I'm thinking that's going to be a while! I was so hoping to get to hold her this weekend, but they're not yet ready for visitors. :( Gran is trying to accept it and stay busy...I certainly have enough to do. Fortunately for me I finally have a smart phone and can easily receive and share photos. I think I need to start a new scrapbook!

We have begun "small groups" at church. We meet on Sunday night in lieu of the traditional evening service which of course has a percentage of folks coming unglued. I see some positive things coming of our group, but I'm not as open as our Pastor would have me be. We usually discuss the sermon from the morning, making life applications, etc. He's been speaking on Nehemiah and spoke this week about 3 distractions that keep us from doing the work God has for us...other opportunities, criticism, and fear. At small group he wanted to know our passions, what we believe God has for us to do. I said as little as possible because I still feel God's call to be an organist. That truly is my heartbeat but I can't figure out how it fits in His plan if we move to the gym (because our attendance has been up so much we are outgrowing our sanctuary space) and/or move entirely into contemporary music. How is it God is calling me to this ministry and yet I see my church moving in a different direction? I'm confused. I just cannot imagine my life of serving Him without music in it. Hubby is feeling it too as one reason he bought his euphonium was so we could play things together for church. I have to admit, it has been good for us working together on music. I hate the thought of us not being able to do that anymore. Hubby keeps going back to getting an organ for home so I'll have something even if our church music dies. I just don't know how to get it to fit or how we'll afford it, but I have worked so hard and learned so much I just don't want to lose it. He hasn't practiced in a while but he's down there right now and it is nice to hear him playing again. So this is one thing I've been addressing in my life - just what God has for me in the future. I am trying to come to the point where I can cheerfully accept whatever happens to my ministry as a church organist and in my heart I know God has it all under control and if I yield to Him there will be great contentment and joy...it's all part of wearing that crown.