Discoveries

As I wrote yesterday, only a few days into my Lenten project and already I'm struggling with discouragement and self-doubt. The amazing thing is, right on cue...God shows up and starts His encouragement campaign. 

The first thing He did is shown in this the above photo that I took from my kitchen window...look closely...do you see it? A cross, glowing in the sunset at the end of the day as if to say "I did this for you, you can do this for me." 

Last night, wanting to make some headway in one of my projects, I went to a shelf where I've been storing boxes of memorabilia and chose one at random to look through. These boxes contain things my mother saved from my childhood as well as things I saved for each one of my children of their childhood. Awards, poems, artwork, cards, etc., all collecting dust and musty smells from the basement. It's time to sort, and find a better storage system until I can get the scrapbooks made. As I looked through the box in hopes of discarding some things, I came across two very special surprise items. 

My mother used to paint a lot of paint by number pictures. I know, there are all kinds of jokes out there about how cheesy paint by number are, but my mother had creative inclinations and no money or opportunity for training of any kind so she made art in the only way she could. She became very good at it. I remember being fascinated watching her paint so carefully and skillfully into those teeny tiny spaces and keep her lines so straight. I did it too a time or two and enjoyed it very much. I know she also did it to fill her lonely evenings and to keep her hands busy and her mind occupied. When we moved into this house I remember packing a picture she had painted of a girl in a large straw hat. It was always one of my favorites and I wanted to be sure it was saved. Since we moved in I have searched and searched for that picture and haven't been able to find it. I thought it was the only one of her paintings left until I found two in the box! They are both of Christ....one as the 'Good Shepherd' the other with the 'crown of thorns'. They are damaged slightly, but look fine from a distance. I'm so happy to have them and am amazed I found both of them this week of all times. 

My mother was also famous for writing everything down. She used to take scraps of paper, staple them together and put them in her purse for grocery lists or for copying down things she found while we were out and about. She wrote down everything from Scripture verses, to poems, to hymn texts. She would often scavenge scraps of paper that had something on one side but blank on the other for her supply. One such paper had the text to a hymn she had written down on one side and the remnant of a note from Gordon on the other! It said "Well I guess I've gone on long enough. I hope I've been able to encourage you to press on. Have a wonderful Christmas season. In Him and His love, Gordon K. Page." 

The tears came. All those memories flooding back again...the amazing way he always made me feel. I wish I had the rest of this letter...I don't remember it and I have no idea how it came to be in my mother's scrap paper file...GRRRR , but I'm glad I have at least this much. Once again, I'm tired, discouraged and beaten down and as if he reached down from Heaven and handed the note to me for the first time, it refreshed my spirit. Just when I needed someone to tell me to "press on", just when I needed some encouragement, it comes...from a most unlikely source...a dear friend, now in Heaven. What a special gift to me! 

I want to share one more picture with you before I close just because it makes me smile and I hope it will do the same for you. 

Have a good night all!

Voices

You know the cartoon, it's been used so many times we can't count...the "voice" of good whispering in one ear while the "voice" of evil whispers in the other. Good and evil battling it out to see who will win. 

Three days...no, TWO days into my Lent experience (it really does seem like three) and already the voices are starting. 

• It's been two days, don't you think you should see some measure of results already?
• Shouldn't you be more spiritual or something? 
• You know you can't do this alone, you need a friend, an accountability partner!
• You're not doing enough.
• What if you fail....again?

What about the other voice? Some call it "conscience",  "the still small voice", I call it the leading of the Holy Spirit. While the "evil" voice tries to convince me I will fail, the Spirit gently prods, leading me one step at a time. 

• Is this the best use of your time?
• Let's use this time to multi-task. 
• Don't stop by the computer, we still have things on our list to do.
• We decided you weren't going to eat that - it's not good for you. 
• Put away that magazine, it's tempting you. 
• There is still time to get in your work-out - at least do what you can.

Every step, every decision, every moment accounted for, for good or for evil. Which lion do I feed? Which one will I respond to? It's a constant battle every second of each day. And what if I fail? What then? 

One of the devotionals I'm following this season is by Ann Voskamp at Holy Experience. Her most recent entry is about "failing lent". 

A failing lent? It is a good Lent because this lament of our sin — is exactly what prepares us for  Resurrection Joy found in our Savior.

Lent gives us this gift: the deeper we know the pit of our messiness & sin, the deeper we’ll drink from the draughts of His joy.

Grief is what cultivates the soil for the seeds of joy.

“Don’t think of lent as about working your way to salvation. Think of it as working out your salvation."

I think maybe failure is one way we're taught that we cannot do it in our own strength, we need His strength, His guidance each step of the way. Every step, every decision, every moment.

The "evil" voice tells me I'm failing...maybe I'm succeeding in learning the most valuable lesson of all. 

A "Baptist" During Lent

I've been trying to start this entry for several days now. I just can't seem to put all my thoughts together in a logical progression...even now, this may all come out in jumbled bits. 

I am currently reading two books. I honestly chose them for two different reasons and thought one had nothing to do with the other, but sometimes when God wants to teach us something, he brings things together in ways we could have never imagined. 

The first book, my daughter gave me to read a year ago and I'm just now cracking it open. It's Reshaping It All by Candace Cameron Bure. It's geared more to someone my daughters age as Candace is a mom with children still at home, but I'm getting a lot out of reading it and I recommend it if you're working on making healthier choices for your life. Here are a few quotes from the book that have stood out to me:
 "acting with critical awareness, as in a conscious effort to do better."
"Conscious living involves choice."
"Conscious living involves determination."
"Conscious living involves accountability."
"It takes work, it takes diligence, and it takes commitment, but in order to accomplish everything, I have to keep my priorities in order."

The second book I'm reading is one from my mother's bookshelf. We were/are both big fans of Max Lucado's writings. It's called It's Not About Me. Particularly meaningful during the Lenten season is a story Lucado shares about a European priest who gathered the church for a special service. 
  "in the darkness of the night ...they waited.
Soon the priest arrived. "when he reached the crucifix that hung on the wall, he lit a candle. Saying nothing, he illuminated the pierced feet of Christ, then the side, then one hand, and then the other. Lifting the candle, he shed light on the blood masked face and the crown of thorns. With a puff, he blew out the candle and dismissed the church." pg. 69 "

It's about taking the focus off ourselves and putting the focus on God. On being "mirrors, reflecting God's glory." Everything we do is to bring Him glory. 

Both books talk about purposeful, intentional, committed, determined living....making the most of our time for our time here is "but a moment." 

Both books have mentioned I Corinthians 6:19 "Don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you?" Is it a coincidence that our pastor mentioned that verse in his message this morning? As Jethro Gibbs would say (for you NCIS fans), "I don't believe in coincidence". ;)

During the Lenten season, I recommend that believers pray and find the one thing in their lives upon which they depend the most that keeps them from depending upon Christ the most. It truly may be food, drink, approval of others, social media, or work. Commit to exercising a fast of whatever this "thing" is for the 40 days of Lent. Each time you feel the need to rely upon that "thing," let it be a reminder to you of your absolute dependence upon the Lord. Every time, for example, you feel a hunger pain, let it be a reminder to you of your soul's longing desire for God's presence that can only be filled through Christ.

Lent provides a unique time each year when believers can practice the discipline of self-examination. We examine ourselves and our deepest needs according to God's Word. It is also a time of anticipation as we look toward the promise and hope of Easter. We can practice the discipline of self-examination because we know the power of forgiveness and victory is ours through Jesus Christ.

 Rev. Dr. Page Brooks 

Baptist churches as a general rule don't observe Lent in the traditional way that other churches do. I have always been an "odd duck" as my mentor put it...I am an evangelical with liturgical tendencies. I "observe" Advent and Lent in my own way in my own devotional time, but it's never been touched as such in our church. As I mentioned before, since Gordon's passing I have felt the need to make some changes in my life, to set and accomplish a certain set of goals. Now, because of my readings, God has been showing me He is actually doing the leading in this process. He is showing me without a doubt what needs to change in my life. I don't think that the desires in my heart to make these changes following Gordon's passing are a coincidence with the things I have been reading. The desire was placed in my heart during a time when my heart was open to it and my reading has only confirmed it. What I'm still working on is the how...I'm taking that one day, one step, one moment at a time. Forty days Jesus spent in the wilderness preparing for what he was to face...forty days the Israelites wandered in the wilderness to prepare them for the promised land. 

I am excited about what God is going to teach me. 
Forty days...

I am Thine, O Lord, I have heard Thy voice,
And it told Thy love to me;
But I long to rise in the arms of faith
And be closer drawn to Thee.

Draw me nearer, nearer blessèd Lord,
To the cross where Thou hast died.
Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessèd Lord,
To Thy precious, bleeding side.

Consecrate me now to Thy service, Lord,
By the power of grace divine;
Let my soul look up with a steadfast hope,
And my will be lost in Thine.

O the pure delight of a single hour
That before Thy throne I spend,
When I kneel in prayer, and with Thee, my God
I commune as friend with friend!

There are depths of love that I cannot know
Till I cross the narrow sea;
There are heights of joy that I may not reach
Till I rest in peace with Thee.