Daughter #2 spent some time out on the grass in the sunshine for the last time with her dear friend. The veterinarian arrived shortly after lunch as promised. Hubby carried Mae out to the backyard - except for what we had to go through, it was a beautiful day. Daughter couldn't stop crying, I hated to see her in so much pain and grief. I wanted to do something to change the situation, to go back in time, something. The necessary shots were administered and we waited but it didn't take long. Our veterinarian is a very compassionate man - he shook Hubby's hand then gave him the man hug, then hugged Daughter and me.
Daughter clung to me, sobbing into my shoulder. I realized just how strong my daughter is when she helped her dad close up the grave and put the shovels away...the scene of the two of them is burned into my memory. Hubby and I went in the house and when I looked out the window Daughter was kneeling beside the grave; I can't help but wonder what she was thinking, what final words she had for her dear friend. The rest of the afternoon was spent looking through old family photos; I didn't realize we had so many pictures of the dogs; I've been asked to scan them. Conversations focused around not only Mae, but around other family members that have passed on. Hubby's dad, other dogs, my mom. Death and grief have dominated our hearts this week.
I don't know how the rest of the week went for Daughter, how she coped...she doesn't say much. She hung Mae's collar chain on the rear view window in her car. I know I have done a lot of crying this week, remembering the day, remembering the pain on my Daughter's tear stained face, remembering what it felt like to lose someone I love; death just seems to hang in the air and I've been unable to shake it.
Looking at these pictures one wonders why she was put down; we have to remind ourselves of the pain she was in, the fact that she fell down the steps on a regular basis and sometimes had to be carried as well as the fact she probably had cancer.
Saturday I had chili to make for Sunday dinner, stew to make for suppers for this week, the usual cleaning to do and I wound up going to pick blueberries with some women from church. I picked 2 gallons and paid $19.50. Sunday I cleaned and packaged them up for the freezer. We also had our Music Teacher's Association planning meeting. I feel so out of place in that group.
I've been feeling overwhelmed; trying to get past the grief, trying to keep up with an increasingly busy schedule, worrying about Hubby and what he's going through with the business. It's not good...not at all. Something needs to happen, something needs to change, but I don't know what and I can't help but be fearful.
This is a very busy week - all my students will be returning and I'm meeting some new ones.
The last few days have been rough ones and I imagine another few yet to come. Today we say goodbye to our friend, Mae. Mae came into our family for our youngest daughter. Looking back, Mae was way too much dog for such a little girl and for that reason, much of the care fell to Dad. Now that Mae is so crippled up and seems to have cancer, it's time to say goodbye.
The vet is coming by the house today as he goes right past here anyway on his way to an equine appointment. In order to save some money, Hubby decided to bury her in the backyard and after two exhausting attempts to dig a hole and finding nothing but unmovable rock, he gave up...that is until Daughter came home. She came in at the end of my teaching day and broke down in tears as the reality of what was soon to take place finally hit. She went outside to find where her dad had dug only to find nothing. I had to explain her dad's problem and how after two tries he decided "I'M NOT DIGGIN" ANOTHER HOLE". :/ Through tearful sobs Daughter says..."I will dig the hole". Her dad shrugged his shoulders and said "well, we still have a little light left" and the two of them went to the backyard and dug one more hole. They took turns, allowing the other to rest a spell. Mae went outside to be near them and it was completely dark out before they finished. I'm not as close to her as the two of them are, so I will have to be the strong one, yet, seeing my loved ones so sad just makes my heart ache.
In other news, the church voted 29-2 in favor of purchasing the organ!! I'm so excited, but at the same time, nervous about so much. The stress is just now beginning as we have to pay for it, have it shipped, install it, tune it voice it...so much! Hubby has been waking in the middle of the night after having bad dreams about dropping it on it's way into the church, etc.
Ok, well I really wanted to write more, but the morning is getting away from me and I have a lot to do before the vet arrives and the rest of the day goes to you-know-what. I hope to check out all of your epistles some time later today.
