Saying Goodbye Part Two

Daughter #2 spent some time out on the grass in the sunshine for the last time with her dear friend. The veterinarian arrived shortly after lunch as promised. Hubby carried Mae out to the backyard - except for what we had to go through, it was a beautiful day. Daughter couldn't stop crying, I hated to see her in so much pain and grief. I wanted to do something to change the situation, to go back in time, something. The necessary shots were administered and we waited but it didn't take long. Our veterinarian is a very compassionate man - he shook Hubby's hand then gave him the man hug, then hugged Daughter and me.

Daughter clung to me, sobbing into my shoulder. I realized just how strong my daughter is when she helped her dad close up the grave and put the shovels away...the scene of the two of them is burned into my memory. Hubby and I went in the house and when I looked out the window Daughter was kneeling beside the grave; I can't help but wonder what she was thinking, what final words she had for her dear friend. The rest of the afternoon was spent looking through old family photos; I didn't realize we had so many pictures of the dogs; I've been asked to scan them. Conversations focused around not only Mae, but around other family members that have passed on. Hubby's dad, other dogs, my mom. Death and grief have dominated our hearts this week.

I don't know how the rest of the week went for Daughter, how she coped...she doesn't say much. She hung Mae's collar chain on the rear view window in her car. I know I have done a lot of crying this week, remembering the day, remembering the pain on my Daughter's tear stained face, remembering what it felt like to lose someone I love; death just seems to hang in the air and I've been unable to shake it.

Looking at these pictures one wonders why she was put down; we have to remind ourselves of the pain she was in, the fact that she fell down the steps on a regular basis and sometimes had to be carried as well as the fact she probably had cancer. 

Saturday I had chili to make for Sunday dinner, stew to make for suppers for this week, the usual cleaning to do and I wound up going to pick blueberries with some women from church. I picked 2 gallons and paid $19.50. Sunday I cleaned and packaged them up for the freezer. We also had our Music Teacher's Association planning meeting. I feel so out of place in that group. 

I've been feeling overwhelmed; trying to get past the grief, trying to keep up with an increasingly busy schedule, worrying about Hubby and what he's going through with the business. It's not good...not at all. Something needs to happen, something needs to change, but I don't know what and I can't help but be fearful. 

This is a very busy week - all my students will be returning and I'm meeting some new ones.