Trust In The Lord Part One

This evening I found myself with my nose pressed up against the screen door as I listened to the sounds of the neighborhood, inhaled the scents of summer/fall and watched the color of the trees change and deepen with the setting of the sun. Today was one of the last beautiful days of fall. Our fall season up here can be awfully short; it's been so wet and cold this fall and the last few days have been so lovely, almost like summer. I'm not a fan of winter and fall is my favorite, I just wish it would last longer. Not only was the weather beautiful today, but I was privileged to have lunch with my dear friend and mentor. If you have read my blog for a while, you'll know that the man that taught me everything I know about playing the organ is now one of my dearest friends. We only live a 10 minute drive from each other but we only see each other about once a year and that's if I do everything I can to make it happen. Today was the day. We have one of those friendships where we just start talking like no time has passed. We had so much to catch up on today. I've also been quite wistfully melancholy of late. October is my month. I was born in October and so was my mother; she and I were very close. Her birthday was near the beginning of the month and mine more toward the end so we'd start celebrating with hers and we'd celebrate all month until mine. I miss her terribly, but mostly in October. We used to buy each other gifts and do nice things for each other all month long, always using the excuse, "it's for your birthday" when we knew darn good and well we had already spent and done above and beyond. It was special though and I can't quite let go of the tradition so I tend to try to find ways to treat myself during the month. Silly I suppose.

July was the last time I posted, which has been far too long. I did go back and delete a few posts, they were quite negative and too descriptive if the wrong readers should happen to find this blog. They were all about the struggles we've had at church and I really shouldn't have shared the specifics in such detail. My apologies.

Here are the teasers for the continuing saga of Trust In The Lord.

During the month of August I continued to struggle with all that was going on at church and watch it go from bad to worse. I played for the last hymn sing and our last Sunday was August 11. Stay tuned to learn how I've had to place my trust in the Lord as we both left one church family and became part of a new one.

Also in August was The Deer Chase a mountain bike race my husband heads up and manages. Deer Chase weekend is always stress filled at our house but this year it started off with a bombshell that would rock our foundation for several weeks!

Just prior to all of this going on we also decided it was time to purchase a new to us car as my husband was becoming more and more concerned for my safety.

At the end of September my second granddaughter gave us quite the scare and it remains to be seen if any permanent damage has been done and just what is ahead for her future.

Now I find I'm facing a health issue I had so hoped I could avoid.

To say the months of August and September have been emotional and stressful is an understatement but through it all God has been good to us and we praise Him for upholding us. Hopefully I will be back in a few days to expound on each of these events.

If you stopped by, please leave a note so I know you were here and can visit you as well.

In the meantime if fall is beautiful in your area, do enjoy it.

Royal blessings,

Prayer Warrior

Once again it has been awhile...a long while. I know I'm not a very consistent blogger and for that I'm sorry because I would love to be here regularly. Maybe if I were I would have more followers that I could interact with which would lead to more friendships but I simply cannot devote the time to it that some of you do. In trying to catch up on some of the blogs I like to frequent, one blogger said she'd be away for a while because she couldn't think of much to write about. I've known those days and have had many but lately it seems I am so busy and could write about so much but I just don't find the time to sit down and write or I can’t seem to find the mental energy to form the words.  Feast or famine and both it seems lead to inconsistent blogging.

Now to resume...

Have you ever had a prayer warrior come alongside and pray earnestly for you at any time in your life or have you been a prayer warrior for someone else? I hope you have been blessed by both in your life. Today I’d like to introduce you to my prayer warrior...it’s quite an interesting story.

There is a small Village Missions church in the next block and several years ago they purchased the house next door to us to be used as a pastors house.  Over the past few years I have enjoyed getting to know the pastor and his wife...she and I chat over coffee on her deck from time to time. Two years ago when things started really falling apart at church I needed to talk to someone outside of my church who could offer me Godly counsel, so I went to her and was welcomed with open arms. When the new pastor at my own church almost had me doubting my own beliefs I found confirmation with her.  When we first met we added each other on Facebook and she discovered that we had many friends in common yet we had never met. While comparing notes we found out that many of my friends from the Christian college I attended had spent time serving at a Bible camp where she used to cook. We thought that was pretty remarkable until we talked more and found out that we used to live in the same town. When she asked my address, we soon realized we used to be neighbors...living back to back with each other in a suburb of Denver. Neighbors now neighbors again! What are the odds? This is my neighbor's house...her backyard is connected to my side yard. It will be a while before we're enjoying coffee on her deck again!

Last summer we visited my neighbor’s church. It was nice to get away from the drama, but we weren’t sure it would ever be a church home for us. After that she has made herself available to me anytime I need to talk and has put me on her daily prayer list. She invites me to fellowships and ladies events and Dear Husband and I  joined a Bible Study at their church this fall and have enjoyed the in depth study that we have been missing at our church and the rich fellowship also now missing from our church. Anytime any new development arises she is right there by my side praying me through and suffering with me. We bumped into each other in the grocery store one day and had an impromptu chat and prayer right there in the store. She is amazing and I am so very grateful for her diligent display of Christian love.

We are still at our church...drama and all. Some would ask why in the world, but there are a few that still appreciate my ever shrinking ministry and though it becomes more and more inconsequential, for now we don’t feel the call of the Lord to leave. We know that I am no longer wanted by the leadership and if I left my position I would free the leadership to complete the transformation of the ministry there. For that reason we will most likely leave soon but there is so much to think about, so much to leave behind and starting over is not something I relish either. In the meantime I try to be there for those friends that need me...I am often a sounding board of frustration and sadness. If/when we leave we will plan to start over at my neighbor’s church...at least I know I’ll have support. She says “just come, let us love on you while you heal”.  

God bless her!

In other news the blizzard of 2019 left us with quite a large load in our yard. Yes that is what is left of my clothesline pole...note the 6 foot high "privacy" fence between our property and the yard behind us! 

But it's going to take a while before it looks like spring around here! 

Ephesians 3:14-21

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and
on earth derives its name,
that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened
with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your
hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be
able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and
height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge,
that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.

Walk with a fellow believer today or let someone walk with you...

Royal blessings, 

SMAD

I think I'm struggling with my "royal duties" this weekend.

After last week's attack on my beliefs I'm finding it difficult to be loving and gracious. Yesterday I posted an article on my Facebook page which I hoped would be informational about something that is near and dear to my heart but instead it caused anger in one of our church members and I took it down to avoid further problems. I don't know if this person didn't read it and just made assumptions or what, but the comment that was left had nothing to do with what the article actually said. I know taking it down was the gracious thing to do, yet I'm so tired of stepping aside when what I have to say is important and affects so many people I care about. Instead of being heard I'm told I'm narrow minded, out of touch, selfish, etc. What I want is to find a balance but they don't hear that. It's like they have this preconceived idea of what I believe and they can't open their ears wide enough to get past it. I'm getting tired of the battle and it's affecting everything I do and how I feel. I'm so smad.

 



As a direct result of my "SMAD", I'm supposed to be practicing at the church right now but I can't bring myself to get dressed and go. I might run into someone while there that I just can't deal with today, and maybe...just maybe they've taken all the joy out of serving right now. Instead of practicing I'm making some cards, surfing Pinterest and Facebook and of course...I'm here which is nice.  I'll practice next week...I'll have to. I sure hope I don't regret my decision tomorrow morning. I'll have the Sunday School hour to prepare for church...hopefully that will be enough.

I'm quite tired even though I didn't do much today. I suppose I should clean up my studio there is paper, tools, embossing folders, my Cuttlebug and my Cricut and rubber stamps...everywhere. Then again...maybe I'll wait until after church tomorrow.

Thank you to those who have contacted me recently. I'm really excited to get to know all of you and so I hope if you read this you'll leave a comment.

Distractions

Thank you all for your kind words and comments on my tribute to Gordon page - it really meant a lot. 

I was so thrilled to find out at almost the last minute that Gordon's memorial service was made available via live stream. I had to do some student juggling, but I knew I had to "be there". It was a beautiful service. I found out later that there were 600 people in attendance in the building and 160 of us watching online!! Am I amazed? Yes and no. 

The prelude music was provided by the man himself via recording and couldn't have been more appropriate. It was strange in a way...watching a memorial service of someone I cared so much for on my TV screen. It almost didn't seem real. During the prelude they were showing a slide show, pictures of him. I couldn't see them very well and some of them not at all because of the camera angle, but I did see one of my very own pictures of him show up on the screen! It was this one I took of him on choir tour one year.

I'm sure they just grabbed whatever pictures they could find, but I felt honored when I saw it there. It was a connection...a confirmation that I was indeed part of his life. I remember taking that photo...who would have imagined then where it would end up. 

The very first thing was the entrance of a 60 voice choir that sang his choral arrangement of It Is Well With My Soul. We sang it in college, so I know it well and I knew from the very first notes played on the piano that it was Gordon's arrangement. Those who spoke talked of his love for God that was made manifest in everything he did, of the joy in his music...an outward expression of the inward man. So true! His son told how his dad had taught him to participate in music even when "just listening", made him ask questions regarding the emotions in the music, the colors, harmonies etc. He said that his dad found God in music and taught him that creating art was an act of worship. I know this is all true; he taught the same things to me. 

Two things that stood out to me that the other speakers mentioned. One, that Gordon's "default system" was praise to the Lord. No matter what was going on, even in the midst of cancer treatment and pain, he was still praising God. Two, that Gordon gave us a picture of God every time he sang or played an instrument. That was the point of Gordon's music...his life...to praise, honor and glorify God and it was evident in everything he did.

It's been a difficult couple of weeks and my entire system is paying for it. Gordon's passing has left me pondering things in my own life...he's still teaching me. 

I feel as though I've gotten off track...I've been distracted by too many "irons in the fire". I have so much going on and I'm going in so many directions that I've lost time for my true callings. I won't go into a lot of detail...just know that there are some changes coming. I know I've been called to glorify God in my music and reviewing Gordon's life has given me a renewed passion for practicing, studying and teaching; for putting into practice everything he taught me and for learning what I never quite grasped. I want to be the best musician I can be but it's going to take a lot of time and effort. 

I've been reminded of successful athletes...they eat, sleep walk, talk, breathe their sport. That's what it takes. I know I'm going to have to let some activities go and I'm finding that difficult, but I'm not getting any younger and time is marching on it seems faster and faster every day. So..I will be making a list of both my responsibilities and my callings and putting away the things in my life that don't produce advancement in those areas. I believe God has a place for me...I may not be saving souls on the mission field, feeding the hungry or giving my life savings to the poor, but I am called to be diligent in the place where God has set me. Lately I've been more distracted than diligent, but with God's guiding hand, it is my hope to put away those distractions. 

I hope you'll all stay with me on my journey.

Winter Wonderland

We've had some strange weather this week...warm for this time of year and instead of snow we've had fog with a light mist at times which has resulted in this white coat covering all the trees. If it wasn't so gray it could be quite beautiful.

If the sun ever comes out, what a display that will be! I took the afternoon off today. Maybe it's this dismal weather that has me so lacking in energy but I've practiced almost every day this week and I just couldn't bring myself to go over there again today. I did my grocery shopping this morning and decided I'd stay home and work on a few cards this afternoon as I have no students scheduled, but here it is 3:30 and I haven't even had the energy to begin.

I have however managed to read my daughter's newly printed portfolio from cover to cover. I just got the news, she is graduating on the 20th...MAGNA CUM LAUDE...and yes, I'm just a tad proud!! 

Tomorrow is my piano studio recital. I was asked by one of the parents (a professional singer) to accompany her on the organ while she sang Gesu Bambino. I was honored and worked very hard to adapt the piano music to work on the organ and then learn to play it. After putting in hours of practice I get an email yesterday from her saying that she, like many people in our area has come down with one of the nasty bugs that has been going around and since hers is the sore throat/fever variety, she will not be able to sing on Saturday. UGH! Oh well, I hear my mentor's voice as he's told me before that practice is never for naught. It's ok too, because I really didn't feel comfortable with the piece and if I was going to do it I wanted to do a good job for her. So many of our families have been ill and I've had so many cancellations this week that I really don't know what to expect for tomorrow, but whatever will be will be. 

Sunday morning is our church's Christmas program. I will be playing the prelude and postlude as usual as well as a solo on Still, Still, Still, plus all the congregational hymns...there are quite a few. I think I'm ready...I feel pretty good about those pieces, it's just up to whatever happens in the moment...God help me.

So here I am with an entire evening ahead of me...all to myself. Hot tea, frosty trees, twinkling lights, crackling fire and Christmas music...I think I'm ok with that.  

What a Beautiful Fall We've Had This Summer!

Which makes me wonder just what fall and winter will bring! 

I continue to stay busy, trying to harvest the garden before everything freezes and catch up on all the chores I was supposed to do this summer but instead spent most of my time sitting on an organ bench LOL! I've finally cleaned the basement and the garage. I still need to scrub down the ceilings and walls - between the wood stove and all the mosquitos we squashed this summer, they're gross! 

You may have seen on Facebook that we had an organist meeting last week - we hadn't had one in a quite a while. We headed over to the Heritage Center following dinner and played the pipe organ there. I'm planning on everyone coming over for dinner on the 3rd of October, then heading over to our church to try out our "new" organ...now that it's been here for almost a year LOL! 

It's been an emotionally trying week. Most likely we will be voting PT to be our Pastor in October, but before we do that he wanted to give members a chance to meet with him to discuss any concerns about his vision for the church's future. Hubby and I didn't sign up, but PT asked for a meeting with us. That took place over breakfast at our house, Monday morning at 7:00. He wanted to meet and pray with us regarding his decision to not marry Son and his intended. He also wanted to discuss church music and the fact that people are complaining about the new organ. Just as I thought I finally had everything as it should be, had a successful concert, etc., now I find out I have to go in today and rethink everything I've been doing. I have to try to balance allowing the instrument to do what it is designed to do and still make "everybody happy". It's finding out that though I had thought I was aiding in worship, I have been hindering it. I feel like I've been punched in the face. Praying God will give me wisdom in what changes to make. 

Monday I unloaded on Mentor and he understood completely and let me have my rant, then he consoled me and told me what my next step needs to be. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him! He always knows just what to say to help me keep my focus where it should be. Monday night I felt like a wet dish rag. 

Yesterday I tried to put it out of my mind and I spent the day pulling up garden vegetables and preparing them for the freezer. Also I finished work on my studio website so it is up to date for the coming year and I signed up my 16th student! Last year I prayed for 15 and God gave me 13. This year he has brought me 16. I haven't met them all yet, that will come next week. 

Today I'll spend the afternoon on the organ bench trying to figure out what needs to be changed. I hope I'll be able to practice some as well. Also, a lady from church who has been a "fan" all along has asked to be introduced to the organ as far as finding out what everything does and what I'm doing when I'm up there. I don't think she has a music background at all, so....interesting. She plans to stop by sometime this afternoon. 

Lunch is leftovers and supper is probably stuffed baked potato and maybe some fresh carrots, broccoli and beans from the garden. I'll have to go out in this rain storm to gather them.  

Son called. He wanted my opinion on the suits and ties for himself and the guys and also the sashes to cover the chairs that his intended doesn't like. He told me he signed up the caterer that we talked to last time they were here. I'm glad because it will make things so much easier, but I'm also concerned about the money aspect. They are coming up on Saturday and I'll go with Son's intended for her final dress fitting and will be at their beck and call for anything else they need done. This is most likely the last time I'll see them before the wedding. 

I honestly don't see things settling down until after the wedding - then it will be time to prepare for Christmas! I know once winter settles in and Hubby goes back to hockey, I should have my evenings more to myself...I think...who knows! 

I do miss blogging regularly and hope to be back at it...someday soon. Please don't forget me. ;)

Happy Easter!

The dishes are done, leftovers put away, the kids have all headed home, the shedded dog fur now finds it's way into corners and swirls around furniture legs, Easter baskets sit empty on the table and only a few candied eggs remain in the bowl. Another Easter celebration draws to a close.

Church went well this morning, both the service and the breakfast beforehand were very well attended. Playing the new organ is still a learning experience. What I thought was going to be "big organ" for congregational singing actually got lost in the crowd. The building was so packed with people that the nearly "full organ" registration that I was trying out for the first time was barely enough. Next year, I'm pulling out the trumpets! I'm glad I spent the extra time in practice this week - it paid off as most things went smoothly. The oddest thing happened today...for the first time in all my years playing for that church I began to play my prelude and the people instantly got quiet. They usually spend the time talking through it, most of them don't even know I'm playing, I don't believe. But I began to play and everyone stopped talking...I swear I could have heard a pin drop! It was a bit unnerving at first because I didn't expect it - but it was nice they actually got to hear it. Our new grad student/organ student of sorts I have mentioned before came up to me after church and was so full of excitement about the music I played that he wanted to look at it. He kept going on about how wonderful it was and when I mentioned I would be happy to make him a copy (it's already a copy of a copy lol), his eyes got big and he just beamed. I love watching him experience the organ and I love it when he comes up and asks questions because he reminds me so much of myself when I first became acquainted with the instrument. I can't wait to be able to take him on an organ crawl.

After church we came home and immediately began cooking lunch and we ate about 3:00. We had ham, cheesy potatoes, tossed salad, green beans, fruit salad, and oatmeal pie with ice-cream. I feel so awful that I forgot to send home left-overs with my son!!

All in all it was a wonderful day. There are things on my mind and heart, but I'm letting them go today and just celebrating the day and revelling in God's love and His promises to us.

HE IS RISEN!

Unload

The graphic at the top is a reminder to me today, I have a lot on my mind - a lot to unload.

I didn't realize it's been a week since I last posted. I'm taking a vacation day of sorts today - most of my students have cancelled their lessons this week due to spring break. I did have a couple from a homeschooling family that was to come today, but they came down with some intestinal crud that is keeping them home. My only student today will be my online student. So I've decided to run with the lack of schedule and just relax - I don't even have to cook because I have enough left-overs that we need to eat. I'll get to all the important stuff today, just in my own time.

The weather on Sunday was GORGEOUS! I took Suki for a walk and wore only a light sweater and the neighbors were outside shoveling their deck so they could uncover and use their grill.
Notice the deck handrail and the black spot in front of him is the grill...he's digging down to it.

Almost done - note The Little Turquoise House in the background. You can't see us, but Hubby and I were actually watching them from the window.

Today it's dark, with a cold wind/rain going on. We're supposed to get snow on Friday with a possibility of 8-10 inches. I just hope they're wrong.

One of our local music teachers has been recovering in the nursing home from hip surgery for many months now and it was finally determined by her family that she will need to move into assisted living this week. I understand she is planning on continuing to teach some students, but is giving away most of her music and lesson materials to the rest of us teachers who might be able to use it. I went to her home yesterday to look through the 8 large boxes of music while the family was busy moving furniture. I thought it would take about an hour - two hours later I had to finally just throw in a handful of sheet music to be sorted through at home. I brought home one box...FULL.

Though I'm not very "close" to this fellow teacher, it still makes me sad to think she is at this point in her life already - maybe because she is not the only one I see around me that is "getting old" and failing before my eyes. My dear friend/teacher Gordon who is dealing with cancer, my friend Jeannie from the scrapbook store who has taught me so much about scrapbooking and cardmaking is facing depression while trying to heal from her fall and my mentor who has his own set of physical issues and depression - I've watched him age 10-15 years in one and it is breaking my heart. It's difficult to think that I'm entering this stage of life and I find myself kicking and screaming like mad.

Now we've finally come to the heart of the matter. As I've said in recent posts, we are trying to plan a recital to be played on our "new" organ at church. The idea is to showcase the new organ and rejoice in it's arrival. We wanted to have a "dedication" but that seems to disturb the Pastor for whatever reason, so I've about nixed that idea except to say it will still be a dedication in my heart and mind no matter what is publically said or done. The idea was conceived in October, but since then I have felt a general lack of support from those involved. I knew something was really wrong the last couple of times I had mentioned it and I didn't know what to do or say or how to clear the air. One of you said that if I was supposed to talk about it, the right time would come. I'm here to tell you I took that advice to heart - I waited and decided when I went to practice yesterday that I wouldn't mention it at all and if he did then that was fine.

He did.

He opened up and unloaded everything I had feared was brewing inside of him the last few weeks. He told me about everything that has been on his mind, much of which is not music related but important in his life now. He told me about the nightmares he's been having, one of them having to do directly with the recital which tells me this is really eating away at him. He told me he isn't a "recital person" which I knew...neither am I so I get it. I understood everything; I wasn't surprised at anything he said and I think I handled the situation well - which does surprise me. I told him I if we did this I wanted us to be able to...maybe not "enjoy ourselves" but at least find joy in our efforts, that the last thing I wanted was for this to become yet another burden for him to carry. He sort of flippantly said "maybe in the fall", then changed the subject. I later brought it back and asked him directly if he thought he would genuinely feel better about doing it in the fall and I watched him consider it, then he honestly said he didn't know. I told him part of me wants to just do it now and get it over with while the other part of me is fine to wait and even happy to wait if it means him being more comfortable.  We decided to wait before saying anything to anyone else (except I told Hubby) and that we would think about it this week and pray about it and he'd let me know. I'm not going to mention it next week, I will once again let him if he feels ready to discuss it again. In the meantime I'm trying to prepare myself for him to back out completely. Hubby really wants me to do this recital - I don't know if I can do it alone, I know I don't want to.

We also talked about his upcoming retirement in a year which is also heavy on his mind.
He is looking forward to it and wants to "freelance" - being able to continue to practice, play the organ when it is needed/wanted and substituting for other organists when asked. He's afraid though that once he retires, the church will find less and less use for the organ (already starting) and he'll be putting his organ shoes away for good.

If that were to happen, the organ would fall into disrepair. It is 20 years now since it's rebuild and already has some needs that should be addressed, but efforts to get help up here have failed and expenses are mounting. 

The thought of that possibility - of no longer climbing these steps with heart pounding anticipation, 

of looking up in amazement into the organ, 

                        of spending hours filling this room with music - just breaks my heart.

I struggle to stay positive, to enjoy the time I have there however long/short it may be - because I don't want to waste this time bemoaning what might happen. I'm trying to come to peace with the fact that no situation is permanent and all good things must come to an end at some point and to be grateful (which I am) for all I have learned, experienced, and felt here. It truly is a rare opportunity that I have had and I am beyond grateful for having been chosen for such a gift. 

Prayerfully yours~ 

First There Were None, Now There Are Two!

My friend Anita stopped by today with a letter from her cousin who is an Allan Organ salesman. He has in on trade an organ that would fill our needs at the church for a little over $6000.00. He would personally deliver, install and voice it for us! I took the information to show my mentor - he sees no reason why this couldn't be our new church organ.

Then I get home to find this email from Hubby to the organ committee:

I got a call from Eric at DMP Gallery Organs in California.

I contacted them regarding a Rodgers 760 with six speaker cabinets that I saw on Ebay. The cost for this instrument would be a bit less than $4,800, shipping included. This is a 1989 vintage analog organ, computer boards, no tubes. A possible candidate to convert the console to Hauptwerk at a later time.

We would still need to get someone in to voice it for our sanctuary. (I have not idea of total price I would assume somewhere between $500 - $1,250.)

He said he has others showing interest in purchasing this organ but because we contacted him first we get first shot.

He needs to know our time frame to see if he can hold it that long. So I need some counsel regarding whether this is something on which the congregation needs to vote? Are we willing to take a risk on a used organ sight unseen?

So the question is: do we go with the Allan that I don't care as much for the sound, but has a personal connection and satisfaction guarantee of sorts, or for the Rodgers which has the sound I love and it has draw knobs instead of tabs, but it will be delivered in a crate to the porch of the church for us to move in and set up. Plus we'll have to call in a Rodgers tech to come in and voice it - the email has been sent to inquire about the cost of that. 

I'll be emailing the Allan salesman regarding speakers and to get a sound sample CD. My mind is just spinning! I want a good instrument; one that will serve our congregation and lift voices in praise for many years to come, one with excellent sound, reliability and something that I won't be apologizing for a few years down the road. I feel this is all on me. If something goes wrong, it's going to all come back on me for wanting it in the first place. 

Please pray with me for God's best for everyone involved.