Toccata and Fugue in d minor BWV 565 - J.S. Bach

The best part of my day today was finally beginning my study of this fabulous piece of organ literature.

Teaching and Crafting

It's such a gloomy morning - fog, light, misty rain...I think...could be snow...not sure. 

*Light cleaning as usual this morning, 

*Marc's laundry, etc. I'll do stuffed baked potatoes for lunch and make a boiled dinner for supper - we have to finish     the ham. 

*I have practice time scheduled for this afternoon. David has me starting to learn J.S. Bach's famous Toccata and         Fugue in d minor and I have to prepare prelude, offertory and communion music for Sunday as well as work on           recital pieces. 

*No students today

*I must get in a work-out today 

Our church is giving one of the ladies a "storybook shower" next week. Erin wanted me to make bookmarks to include in the books we chose. We found these adorable bookmarks on Pinterest and so I need to find some time soon to sit down and have a little fun. Aren't they the cutest?? I can't wait to get started. 

I've had some teaching challenges this week - I'm finding I need to find a different approach with a couple of my students. I hope it works because I don't want to lose them. 

My studio/office space is driving me crazy...it's so cluttered right now and I need to reorganize but I just don't know what to do with it to make it better. HELP!

Must get busy, so I'll be back to see what you've all blogged about later. 

Routines and Projects

It's VERY windy this morning and dark, for the second day in a row - I found it tempting to stay under the covers.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and planning regarding this week - I have a lot of projects on my plate and a new routine to put into place...discipline will be the key.

Positive comments continue to come from church people regarding the organ - some still talking about last week. Our music director who so rarely makes a comment about my music was very complimentary about the prelude. I was shocked! I mean, this guy will go years before saying anything and then it's usually an offhanded kind of compliment or one done mumbled under his breath as he leaves the room - but this time he looked me in the eye, said it was great and even wanted to know what it was because he wasn't familiar with the tune. A friend of mine said she had brought a guest who is just amazed at our music - mentioned the choir and organ specifically. She said she feels she has been missing out on so much in other churches she's attended. I asked her to encourage her friend to tell our pastor how she feels about the music. Hubby is afraid that might be viewed as pushing my own agenda...I would like your opinions.

The prelude I played yesterday is difficult to play from a physical standpoint - the hand is stretched a lot and that combined with the large amount of finger substitutions necessary, it is very painful to my hands and I woke up in pain this morning. Marc said I was rubbing my hands together in my sleep.

I told my Mentor yesterday how Easter went, he said: "That experience is what I've wanted for you for 22 years!"

This week looks to be pretty "normal"...teaching, practicing, etc. I am looking forward to a massage on Thursday morning - I may ask her to spend some extra time on my hands.

I do have some organizing in the studio that needs doing. It's a project that will take weeks, but it's starting to get to me in here. I haven't begun yet because I don't know quite how to make it function like it should and I don't know where to begin.

Daughter #2 still has not found her wallet. She came for lunch again yesterday and brought her friends. We had Ham and Cheddar Chowder and Oatmeal Cake...they didn't leave any leftovers.

Please pray again for my friend/teacher, Gordon. Last week he posted he was feeling better and was out in the yard doing spring clean-up and enjoying the physical work and fresh air. This morning his wife posted this:
Prayer Request for Gordon - He hasn't had a good weekend. He is tired of all of this. He is anxious and hurting and can't breathe very well. It would be wonderful for him to have something to give him hope. We soooo appreciate all your prayers! You are so wonderful to continually lift Gordon up and we are so thankful for you. He goes to the clinic tomorrow for blood work and will ask about the breathing problem. Please pray there are no more complications with all the chemo in his poor body. (I guess you can tell, I'm tired of all of this, too.) We know God is always with us...but we are frail humans. Thanks so much! 

Spring? Is Here

Spring has definitely arrived, though winter is not yet gone. How about that for being confusing early in the morning? LOL! We have enjoyed some very nice, sunny days where a light jacket or sweater was all that was required for walking the dogs yet our very large snowbanks remain and they are turning an ugly gray-black color which is also very normal for us. This is the time of year that we enjoy the sun more frequently but the town just looks ugly, dirty and beaten down. I do have some patches of grass showing up in my yard and my deck is nearly free from snow, HOWEVER...it's gloomy this morning and we are expecting rain turning to snow and an accumulation of 3-8 inches. It was supposed to arrive yesterday, now they're saying today. It would be so nice if all we got was rain.

This week I've been trying to get back into a better routine. My next project is to prepare for student spring recital on June 5th. I also need to start some spring cleaning, but until I can get to town and get my vacuum cleaner repaired, I really have no desire to begin. This may not happen until June! The studio needs a complete overhaul - it's such a cluttered mess!

Daughter came by for a visit last night. She has somehow lost her wallet, so if you will, please pray it is found...SOON. Her last check from work is in there along with her debit card and of course drivers licence. I'm so concerned. Not to mention, it was an expensive, leather wallet I gave her for her birthday one year. Being the last week of school, she needed to vent and enjoy a little down time. We had a nice meal and she wanted to watch The Little Mermaid...so...we did! Also, please pray for her as she finishes up this year...next Wednesday is her last day. She also is in desperate need of a new job as she has nothing that will support her right now because the store she is currently working in is closing soon.

Nothing else going on...just teaching and practicing.

Happy Easter!

The dishes are done, leftovers put away, the kids have all headed home, the shedded dog fur now finds it's way into corners and swirls around furniture legs, Easter baskets sit empty on the table and only a few candied eggs remain in the bowl. Another Easter celebration draws to a close.

Church went well this morning, both the service and the breakfast beforehand were very well attended. Playing the new organ is still a learning experience. What I thought was going to be "big organ" for congregational singing actually got lost in the crowd. The building was so packed with people that the nearly "full organ" registration that I was trying out for the first time was barely enough. Next year, I'm pulling out the trumpets! I'm glad I spent the extra time in practice this week - it paid off as most things went smoothly. The oddest thing happened today...for the first time in all my years playing for that church I began to play my prelude and the people instantly got quiet. They usually spend the time talking through it, most of them don't even know I'm playing, I don't believe. But I began to play and everyone stopped talking...I swear I could have heard a pin drop! It was a bit unnerving at first because I didn't expect it - but it was nice they actually got to hear it. Our new grad student/organ student of sorts I have mentioned before came up to me after church and was so full of excitement about the music I played that he wanted to look at it. He kept going on about how wonderful it was and when I mentioned I would be happy to make him a copy (it's already a copy of a copy lol), his eyes got big and he just beamed. I love watching him experience the organ and I love it when he comes up and asks questions because he reminds me so much of myself when I first became acquainted with the instrument. I can't wait to be able to take him on an organ crawl.

After church we came home and immediately began cooking lunch and we ate about 3:00. We had ham, cheesy potatoes, tossed salad, green beans, fruit salad, and oatmeal pie with ice-cream. I feel so awful that I forgot to send home left-overs with my son!!

All in all it was a wonderful day. There are things on my mind and heart, but I'm letting them go today and just celebrating the day and revelling in God's love and His promises to us.

HE IS RISEN!

A Quiet Afternoon

The winter storm arrived as predicted dropping about 6" on us overnight and continuing through most of the day. I had a massage therapy appointment for 9 a.m. and I didn't want to cancel so I braved the roads. It was pretty slick but at that hour there weren't too many people out (they were all still trying to dig out) so I was able to go slowly. The return trip home however was more difficult as quite a bit more snow came down in that hour and the road crews seemed to be ignoring the fact that it was snowing. I saw 2 plows go by on the highway, but the back roads were getting deep and one false move and I knew I'd be stuck. It took three tries to get back into my garage and I vowed I wasn't going out again for the rest of the day. Schools were cancelled and my students cancelled their lessons so since my therapy appointment took quite a bit out of me, I've only done what was absolutely necessary today...which wasn't much.

I did make a list of what I need to do between Friday and Saturday, which really doesn't look like too much:

Hubby's laundry
Crock-pot a roast with veggies on Friday
sweep and mop floors
dust and decorate for "spring"...whatever that is
fill and hide Easter baskets
grocery trip - get something for Saturday supper
PRACTICE
make: 2 Oatmeal Pies
           2 pans of cheesy potatoes
           large fruit salad
           Sunday after church - cook the ham and green beans

All that to say I probably won't be around much over the weekend. Son and his girlfriend will probably arrive on Saturday - I don't know if Daughter #2 will be staying over or just joining us on Sunday. Daughter #1 emailed and confirmed she and her Hubby will be spending Easter with his family this year.

Next week begins another big push to get into shape. I had a good start and then when I had company I got off schedule again and have struggled to get back. Next week...no excuses! The recital will most likely be scheduled for the 5th or the 12th of August and I want to be the best I can be in time for that. "Spring training" begins!

Wishing you all a very happy Easter.

Wednesdays Wanderings

Recital plans continue. I met on Monday night with my two fellow organists who have consented to help and it was decided May was much too soon and so I am now trying to choose a date in August. I have to avoid "Musical Mondays", "First Friday", Wednesday nights because of prayer meeting, Thursday "music in the park" and it has to be before the 14th as two of our musicians will be leaving town. That basically leaves Saturday the 2nd, Tuesday the 5th and 12th and Friday the 8th which might not work for my Hubby. UGH! I didn't realize this was going to be so complicated! When it was just my Mentor and I, it was so simple...only two schedules to work around. After the date is chosen then I'll be stressing over the music and putting the program together.

I have had so much on my mind this week that I just look at my 'To do' list and thumb my nose at it! I've decided to just try to manage only the most urgent things this week and try to get back to my projects on Monday.

Daughter #2 told me that Daughter #1 and her Hubby are not going to be able to make it for Easter this year, but Daughter #1 hasn't contacted me personally. Hmmm...

I thought I'd share a couple of things from the internet I found interesting this week:

The Little Turquoise House is small, so I have a difficult time imagining myself living in a house like this. Maybe if it were just me, but then again, there is no room for a piano. Could you live with so little and in such a small space?

I subscribe to a feed called Non-Consumer Advocate. I don't agree with everything they promote, but they do have some good ideas on saving money. Since I love antiques and things of the past, I found this article about a woman who lives as though she were in the 1930's very interesting and the pictures rather amazing. She says the only modern things she owns are her laptop because she needs it for work and a refrigerator because she hasn't found an ice-box that works well and because no one delivers ice anymore. Part of me wouldn't mind doing this, but I don't think I could take it to that extreme. What decade would you choose? I'm partial to the 1950's.

Have you seen this 80 year old woman dance??? I wanted to embed the video but I couldn't get it to work. WOW! I don't know about you, but I find her inspiring. Not only is what she does amazing, but she has such a graciousness and elegance about her...a true lady. I love the reaction of the judges - especially Simon.

Well, time to get some lunch and head over to the church for practice time. I'll be focusing on Easter music today. I won't be playing the offertory on Sunday, I'll just be responsible for the prelude, hymns and postlude. I do want to do a good job on the hymns though and I hope we get to sing some roof raisers!

Full Day

It's the day before Palm Sunday and we have filled it to the brim. First thing this morning I went to the church to practice music for tomorrow - I'm doing a bigger than usual offertory and the people are not used to hearing the organ that way just yet, so I'm a bit nervous about it and I want to play well since it will be full. Hubby came in for a bit to listen and offer advice - he's getting better and better and helping and I trust his judgement more and more.

After practice, Hubby and I went into town together we got lunch at Hardees and he took his trumpet in to the music store to be repaired - I left some business cards. We then went to Walmart...can't remember the last time I was there..fall sometime. I was so disappointed. I had hoped to maybe see some interesting new scrapbook materials or buy a new top to freshen my wardrobe, but they hadn't gotten in any new materials since I was in there the last time and the clothing selection was just plain UGLY! I guess I didn't miss a thing by being stuck at home all winter.  I came home with a new mascara, a new toothbrush and a box of medium brown hair dye.

I came home and my Mentor and I fired some emails back and forth. I have been uneasy about talking to those gals about helping with the recital and without my even asking him his opinion, he said:
"In the back of my mind this is actually what I envisioned; it makes so much sense to have Jan and Kathleen helping out.  They are such wonderful people and Evangelical  Lutherans to the core; just what you want when you are introducing an organ to a church congregation.  Their musical philosophies are yours by choice theirs by birth and tradition.  I really "feel" so much better about this.  There is an inoffensive honesty to it.  I really would like to sit this one out and just attend it and enjoy it.

This seems very pleasant in its approach.  

Well done, Julie :)." 

Sometimes, like this time, I have to struggle to fully understand his meaning, but then he'll come through and like in this email, it will all become clear and he will finally help me come to a place of peaceful acceptance and understanding. I'm still wishing he would consent to play something and be a part of it, but I don't want him to if he doesn't want to and it's obvious he doesn't. I had such dreams of what this would be like and now I have to forget them and move on. Oh well...life is full of disappointments.

I also cleaned the house this afternoon...dusted, swept and mopped the floors, cleaned the bathroom, washed, folded and put away 2 loads of Hubby's clothes, cooked a meal for tomorrow and used that box of medium brown hair dye.

Hubby is watching Saving Private Ryan. I know it's a good movie and all, but I just can't watch it. I'll work on cards for a few minutes, walk Suki and turn in. I'm quite tired and have a big day tomorrow.

Spring Doings and Surprises

Already this morning Marc and I took the car to the garage to be serviced - it's been making a clunking noise for months and it's getting worse. Now that the weather will permit me to drive more, I want to get out and about but the car made me afraid, so he's finally having it looked at. While we were out we picked up breakfast pizza - it's not on the diet, but it's something I love to have on a rare occasion. We used to get them about once a month, but now it's more like a couple of times a year. I do hope the car repair isn't too expensive, but I can't wait to get out and wander the stores - if for no other reason than to just see something other than my own four walls for a day!

Not much planned for today - I'll do some cleaning and my work-out this morning, then I may walk over to the scrapbook store and work on some cards while I chat with my friend Jeannie. She's the one that fell and is still healing but has gone back to work a few hours each day and working one handed.

The snow is finally melting, I actually have my drive-way back and patches of brown grass along the edges!! We have lost a little over a foot it looks like and our sump pump is running nearly constantly. I'm sitting in the living room chair which is right in the sun. I'm getting it full force as it streams in the window and it feels so good. I've actually convinced myself it's healthy to be sitting here this morning and blogging. I was noticing yesterday my skin is so pasty, white.

Recital plans are making me crazy - it's been on again off again on again. My mentor hasn't mentioned it again since his melt-down in front of me a couple of weeks ago, so I decided to try and get over my disappointment and proceed or not proceed without him. It is just not going to seem right without him involved. I had nearly decided to forget the entire thing all together until I saw my Hubby's face when I mentioned it. I can't disappoint him in the same way I have been...I just can't do it to him. He has worked so hard to see to it that the "church" bought me an organ, then he made all the arrangements for getting it here and installed it with a little help from my mentor. Plus all of a sudden Pastor is excited about it and wants to help me plan it if I need him etc., etc. What got into him, I have no idea! I thought maybe fall was an option, or better yet, late summer - it would give me time to regroup, plan and plenty of time to get my music in shape, still the thought of working up and performing an hour of music by myself was overwhelming! I emailed a couple of ladies from our organist group and while my mentor and I hear the word "recital" and run as fast as possible in the opposite direction, they jump up and down and clap their hands! So...they've already called a meeting for Monday evening! If I know these two, we'll have it up and prepared for May 1st after all! I think that's all I needed was some real support and I wasn't getting any before. I can't say as I'm looking forward to it yet, but I do feel as though some of the load is off my mind.

Oh, one more tid-bit to share before I get to work. Years ago when I started as organist at our church there was no light on the organ so I went out and bought one. It was just a standard desk type with an adjustable arm. With the new organ in place, the light that I had was shining right in one of our violinist's eyes and giving her migraines. I tried adjusting it every which way, but just couldn't come up with anything that helped and I couldn't see well enough without light. Hubby and I did research and searched on ebay for something that would work, but nothing was tall enough to get over the top of the music on the rack. We found the perfect one, designed for organs, but at nearly $400.00! We sent the link to Pastor at his request and he said we could use the organ fund, but that still hasn't been paid off and has probably another 2 years to go before it is. Hubby wanted me to have one right away and wanted something that would last and serve not only me, but keep me from having to listen to complaints and sighs. He took some of his referee checks and ordered it. He didn't tell me, he just set it on the organ for me to find when I went to practice this week. I cried buckets of tears! It's so bright, yet shines only on my music and the keys and doesn't disrupt the rest of the room. It covers the entire music rack, so no more dark spots in the music!

Hubby loves me!

Unload

The graphic at the top is a reminder to me today, I have a lot on my mind - a lot to unload.

I didn't realize it's been a week since I last posted. I'm taking a vacation day of sorts today - most of my students have cancelled their lessons this week due to spring break. I did have a couple from a homeschooling family that was to come today, but they came down with some intestinal crud that is keeping them home. My only student today will be my online student. So I've decided to run with the lack of schedule and just relax - I don't even have to cook because I have enough left-overs that we need to eat. I'll get to all the important stuff today, just in my own time.

The weather on Sunday was GORGEOUS! I took Suki for a walk and wore only a light sweater and the neighbors were outside shoveling their deck so they could uncover and use their grill.
Notice the deck handrail and the black spot in front of him is the grill...he's digging down to it.

Almost done - note The Little Turquoise House in the background. You can't see us, but Hubby and I were actually watching them from the window.

Today it's dark, with a cold wind/rain going on. We're supposed to get snow on Friday with a possibility of 8-10 inches. I just hope they're wrong.

One of our local music teachers has been recovering in the nursing home from hip surgery for many months now and it was finally determined by her family that she will need to move into assisted living this week. I understand she is planning on continuing to teach some students, but is giving away most of her music and lesson materials to the rest of us teachers who might be able to use it. I went to her home yesterday to look through the 8 large boxes of music while the family was busy moving furniture. I thought it would take about an hour - two hours later I had to finally just throw in a handful of sheet music to be sorted through at home. I brought home one box...FULL.

Though I'm not very "close" to this fellow teacher, it still makes me sad to think she is at this point in her life already - maybe because she is not the only one I see around me that is "getting old" and failing before my eyes. My dear friend/teacher Gordon who is dealing with cancer, my friend Jeannie from the scrapbook store who has taught me so much about scrapbooking and cardmaking is facing depression while trying to heal from her fall and my mentor who has his own set of physical issues and depression - I've watched him age 10-15 years in one and it is breaking my heart. It's difficult to think that I'm entering this stage of life and I find myself kicking and screaming like mad.

Now we've finally come to the heart of the matter. As I've said in recent posts, we are trying to plan a recital to be played on our "new" organ at church. The idea is to showcase the new organ and rejoice in it's arrival. We wanted to have a "dedication" but that seems to disturb the Pastor for whatever reason, so I've about nixed that idea except to say it will still be a dedication in my heart and mind no matter what is publically said or done. The idea was conceived in October, but since then I have felt a general lack of support from those involved. I knew something was really wrong the last couple of times I had mentioned it and I didn't know what to do or say or how to clear the air. One of you said that if I was supposed to talk about it, the right time would come. I'm here to tell you I took that advice to heart - I waited and decided when I went to practice yesterday that I wouldn't mention it at all and if he did then that was fine.

He did.

He opened up and unloaded everything I had feared was brewing inside of him the last few weeks. He told me about everything that has been on his mind, much of which is not music related but important in his life now. He told me about the nightmares he's been having, one of them having to do directly with the recital which tells me this is really eating away at him. He told me he isn't a "recital person" which I knew...neither am I so I get it. I understood everything; I wasn't surprised at anything he said and I think I handled the situation well - which does surprise me. I told him I if we did this I wanted us to be able to...maybe not "enjoy ourselves" but at least find joy in our efforts, that the last thing I wanted was for this to become yet another burden for him to carry. He sort of flippantly said "maybe in the fall", then changed the subject. I later brought it back and asked him directly if he thought he would genuinely feel better about doing it in the fall and I watched him consider it, then he honestly said he didn't know. I told him part of me wants to just do it now and get it over with while the other part of me is fine to wait and even happy to wait if it means him being more comfortable.  We decided to wait before saying anything to anyone else (except I told Hubby) and that we would think about it this week and pray about it and he'd let me know. I'm not going to mention it next week, I will once again let him if he feels ready to discuss it again. In the meantime I'm trying to prepare myself for him to back out completely. Hubby really wants me to do this recital - I don't know if I can do it alone, I know I don't want to.

We also talked about his upcoming retirement in a year which is also heavy on his mind.
He is looking forward to it and wants to "freelance" - being able to continue to practice, play the organ when it is needed/wanted and substituting for other organists when asked. He's afraid though that once he retires, the church will find less and less use for the organ (already starting) and he'll be putting his organ shoes away for good.

If that were to happen, the organ would fall into disrepair. It is 20 years now since it's rebuild and already has some needs that should be addressed, but efforts to get help up here have failed and expenses are mounting. 

The thought of that possibility - of no longer climbing these steps with heart pounding anticipation, 

of looking up in amazement into the organ, 

                        of spending hours filling this room with music - just breaks my heart.

I struggle to stay positive, to enjoy the time I have there however long/short it may be - because I don't want to waste this time bemoaning what might happen. I'm trying to come to peace with the fact that no situation is permanent and all good things must come to an end at some point and to be grateful (which I am) for all I have learned, experienced, and felt here. It truly is a rare opportunity that I have had and I am beyond grateful for having been chosen for such a gift. 

Prayerfully yours~