Discoveries

As I wrote yesterday, only a few days into my Lenten project and already I'm struggling with discouragement and self-doubt. The amazing thing is, right on cue...God shows up and starts His encouragement campaign. 

The first thing He did is shown in this the above photo that I took from my kitchen window...look closely...do you see it? A cross, glowing in the sunset at the end of the day as if to say "I did this for you, you can do this for me." 

Last night, wanting to make some headway in one of my projects, I went to a shelf where I've been storing boxes of memorabilia and chose one at random to look through. These boxes contain things my mother saved from my childhood as well as things I saved for each one of my children of their childhood. Awards, poems, artwork, cards, etc., all collecting dust and musty smells from the basement. It's time to sort, and find a better storage system until I can get the scrapbooks made. As I looked through the box in hopes of discarding some things, I came across two very special surprise items. 

My mother used to paint a lot of paint by number pictures. I know, there are all kinds of jokes out there about how cheesy paint by number are, but my mother had creative inclinations and no money or opportunity for training of any kind so she made art in the only way she could. She became very good at it. I remember being fascinated watching her paint so carefully and skillfully into those teeny tiny spaces and keep her lines so straight. I did it too a time or two and enjoyed it very much. I know she also did it to fill her lonely evenings and to keep her hands busy and her mind occupied. When we moved into this house I remember packing a picture she had painted of a girl in a large straw hat. It was always one of my favorites and I wanted to be sure it was saved. Since we moved in I have searched and searched for that picture and haven't been able to find it. I thought it was the only one of her paintings left until I found two in the box! They are both of Christ....one as the 'Good Shepherd' the other with the 'crown of thorns'. They are damaged slightly, but look fine from a distance. I'm so happy to have them and am amazed I found both of them this week of all times. 

My mother was also famous for writing everything down. She used to take scraps of paper, staple them together and put them in her purse for grocery lists or for copying down things she found while we were out and about. She wrote down everything from Scripture verses, to poems, to hymn texts. She would often scavenge scraps of paper that had something on one side but blank on the other for her supply. One such paper had the text to a hymn she had written down on one side and the remnant of a note from Gordon on the other! It said "Well I guess I've gone on long enough. I hope I've been able to encourage you to press on. Have a wonderful Christmas season. In Him and His love, Gordon K. Page." 

The tears came. All those memories flooding back again...the amazing way he always made me feel. I wish I had the rest of this letter...I don't remember it and I have no idea how it came to be in my mother's scrap paper file...GRRRR , but I'm glad I have at least this much. Once again, I'm tired, discouraged and beaten down and as if he reached down from Heaven and handed the note to me for the first time, it refreshed my spirit. Just when I needed someone to tell me to "press on", just when I needed some encouragement, it comes...from a most unlikely source...a dear friend, now in Heaven. What a special gift to me! 

I want to share one more picture with you before I close just because it makes me smile and I hope it will do the same for you. 

Have a good night all!

Voices

You know the cartoon, it's been used so many times we can't count...the "voice" of good whispering in one ear while the "voice" of evil whispers in the other. Good and evil battling it out to see who will win. 

Three days...no, TWO days into my Lent experience (it really does seem like three) and already the voices are starting. 

• It's been two days, don't you think you should see some measure of results already?
• Shouldn't you be more spiritual or something? 
• You know you can't do this alone, you need a friend, an accountability partner!
• You're not doing enough.
• What if you fail....again?

What about the other voice? Some call it "conscience",  "the still small voice", I call it the leading of the Holy Spirit. While the "evil" voice tries to convince me I will fail, the Spirit gently prods, leading me one step at a time. 

• Is this the best use of your time?
• Let's use this time to multi-task. 
• Don't stop by the computer, we still have things on our list to do.
• We decided you weren't going to eat that - it's not good for you. 
• Put away that magazine, it's tempting you. 
• There is still time to get in your work-out - at least do what you can.

Every step, every decision, every moment accounted for, for good or for evil. Which lion do I feed? Which one will I respond to? It's a constant battle every second of each day. And what if I fail? What then? 

One of the devotionals I'm following this season is by Ann Voskamp at Holy Experience. Her most recent entry is about "failing lent". 

A failing lent? It is a good Lent because this lament of our sin — is exactly what prepares us for  Resurrection Joy found in our Savior.

Lent gives us this gift: the deeper we know the pit of our messiness & sin, the deeper we’ll drink from the draughts of His joy.

Grief is what cultivates the soil for the seeds of joy.

“Don’t think of lent as about working your way to salvation. Think of it as working out your salvation."

I think maybe failure is one way we're taught that we cannot do it in our own strength, we need His strength, His guidance each step of the way. Every step, every decision, every moment.

The "evil" voice tells me I'm failing...maybe I'm succeeding in learning the most valuable lesson of all. 

A "Baptist" During Lent

I've been trying to start this entry for several days now. I just can't seem to put all my thoughts together in a logical progression...even now, this may all come out in jumbled bits. 

I am currently reading two books. I honestly chose them for two different reasons and thought one had nothing to do with the other, but sometimes when God wants to teach us something, he brings things together in ways we could have never imagined. 

The first book, my daughter gave me to read a year ago and I'm just now cracking it open. It's Reshaping It All by Candace Cameron Bure. It's geared more to someone my daughters age as Candace is a mom with children still at home, but I'm getting a lot out of reading it and I recommend it if you're working on making healthier choices for your life. Here are a few quotes from the book that have stood out to me:
 "acting with critical awareness, as in a conscious effort to do better."
"Conscious living involves choice."
"Conscious living involves determination."
"Conscious living involves accountability."
"It takes work, it takes diligence, and it takes commitment, but in order to accomplish everything, I have to keep my priorities in order."

The second book I'm reading is one from my mother's bookshelf. We were/are both big fans of Max Lucado's writings. It's called It's Not About Me. Particularly meaningful during the Lenten season is a story Lucado shares about a European priest who gathered the church for a special service. 
  "in the darkness of the night ...they waited.
Soon the priest arrived. "when he reached the crucifix that hung on the wall, he lit a candle. Saying nothing, he illuminated the pierced feet of Christ, then the side, then one hand, and then the other. Lifting the candle, he shed light on the blood masked face and the crown of thorns. With a puff, he blew out the candle and dismissed the church." pg. 69 "

It's about taking the focus off ourselves and putting the focus on God. On being "mirrors, reflecting God's glory." Everything we do is to bring Him glory. 

Both books talk about purposeful, intentional, committed, determined living....making the most of our time for our time here is "but a moment." 

Both books have mentioned I Corinthians 6:19 "Don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you?" Is it a coincidence that our pastor mentioned that verse in his message this morning? As Jethro Gibbs would say (for you NCIS fans), "I don't believe in coincidence". ;)

During the Lenten season, I recommend that believers pray and find the one thing in their lives upon which they depend the most that keeps them from depending upon Christ the most. It truly may be food, drink, approval of others, social media, or work. Commit to exercising a fast of whatever this "thing" is for the 40 days of Lent. Each time you feel the need to rely upon that "thing," let it be a reminder to you of your absolute dependence upon the Lord. Every time, for example, you feel a hunger pain, let it be a reminder to you of your soul's longing desire for God's presence that can only be filled through Christ.

Lent provides a unique time each year when believers can practice the discipline of self-examination. We examine ourselves and our deepest needs according to God's Word. It is also a time of anticipation as we look toward the promise and hope of Easter. We can practice the discipline of self-examination because we know the power of forgiveness and victory is ours through Jesus Christ.

 Rev. Dr. Page Brooks 

Baptist churches as a general rule don't observe Lent in the traditional way that other churches do. I have always been an "odd duck" as my mentor put it...I am an evangelical with liturgical tendencies. I "observe" Advent and Lent in my own way in my own devotional time, but it's never been touched as such in our church. As I mentioned before, since Gordon's passing I have felt the need to make some changes in my life, to set and accomplish a certain set of goals. Now, because of my readings, God has been showing me He is actually doing the leading in this process. He is showing me without a doubt what needs to change in my life. I don't think that the desires in my heart to make these changes following Gordon's passing are a coincidence with the things I have been reading. The desire was placed in my heart during a time when my heart was open to it and my reading has only confirmed it. What I'm still working on is the how...I'm taking that one day, one step, one moment at a time. Forty days Jesus spent in the wilderness preparing for what he was to face...forty days the Israelites wandered in the wilderness to prepare them for the promised land. 

I am excited about what God is going to teach me. 
Forty days...

I am Thine, O Lord, I have heard Thy voice,
And it told Thy love to me;
But I long to rise in the arms of faith
And be closer drawn to Thee.

Draw me nearer, nearer blessèd Lord,
To the cross where Thou hast died.
Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessèd Lord,
To Thy precious, bleeding side.

Consecrate me now to Thy service, Lord,
By the power of grace divine;
Let my soul look up with a steadfast hope,
And my will be lost in Thine.

O the pure delight of a single hour
That before Thy throne I spend,
When I kneel in prayer, and with Thee, my God
I commune as friend with friend!

There are depths of love that I cannot know
Till I cross the narrow sea;
There are heights of joy that I may not reach
Till I rest in peace with Thee.

Not Giving Up

Once again my plans took a backseat. Daughter came over unexpectedly yesterday and was in a very chatty mood. My goal list was once again tossed aside so I could spend time with her. I'm not complaining - I'm happy to spend time with her, but I also need to find a way to get in a routine that works. I was able to work on my scrapbook while we talked, so I was at least able to say I accomplished something. Today is going better. I'm taking a small break in my day, but there is only a couple more things on my To-Do list for the day and since Hubby is on the ice all evening, I have several hours still with which to work. 

We've had a blizzard raging here all day and it's about minus 12 below zero not counting wind chill. The wood stove is having a difficult time keeping the house warm...as a matter of fact, my hands, feet and nose have been cold all day. It doesn't look to warm up any time soon - I'm so over winter! Now I read that the area is under a Civil Emergency because of white-out conditions and life threatening freezing temperatures if someone were to get stranded. Sheesh!! I'm actually wishing they would cancel church for tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure they won't. It really is just too cold to be out if you don't have to be. 

I haven't been to practice the organ all week. It's been an unusual week with Gordon's memorial service on Monday, teaching on Tues., Wed., and Thursday and "company" on Friday. It was just much too miserable to go out today. All this to say, tomorrow morning I'll be leaving early so I can put together my music for service. Nothing out of the ordinary though so it should be fine. 

I'm not giving up on my goals...next week has to be better!

Intentional Living

Yesterday I mentioned some changes I'm making in my life...well, that is trying to make. I feel as though I'm always doing this...always starting over, but no matter how defeated I feel, it must be done. I don't think I'll wake up tomorrow and be able to suddenly flip the switch that allows me to do everything I'm supposed to do when I'm supposed to do it, I think it will be a process. 

Today was the first step in that process...a very painful but productive massage. The physical demands of playing the organ and the massive amounts of time I spend sitting take their toll on my body. Add in emotional trauma and we have a mess! I wasn't going to go, finances being what they are, but I also knew if I'm going to make the changes I want to make, I have to be in my best physical form and a massage is the very beginning of that. 

Ephesians 5

6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not be partakers with them; 8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light 9 (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), 10 [f]trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even [g]expose them; 12 for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. 13 But all things become visible when they are[h]exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. 14 For this reason [i]it says,

“Awake, sleeper,
And arise from the dead,
And Christ will shine on you.”

15 Therefore [j]be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise,16 [k]making the most of your time, because the days are evil. 17 So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, [l]for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to[m]one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; 20 always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to [n]God, even the Father; 21 [o]and be subject to one another in the [p]fear of Christ.

I read something someone wrote about "intentional living", they used Ephesians chapter 5 as their Scripture base. I think there is more to the meaning of this passage than just spending our time wisely, but I do think what she had to say has a lot to do with what I'm going through right now. I especially connected with verses 15 and 16. It is my intent to make the most of my time. The ultimate goal is to glorify God with how we spend our time. Don't get me wrong, I still think there is time to "let my hair down" and just enjoy some things in life for no other reason than sheer enjoyment and I believe God blesses that as well, but I know I waste quite a bit of time - usually on the computer. I find ways to put off studying, practicing or working out - I think I'm just lazy. I also have filled my time with too many things I might enjoy but don't necessarily bring me any closer to accomplishing my goals.

Tonight after my massage I'm very worn out. I can't believe it's already 9:00. I may work on my scrapbook (yes, that's on the goal list) for a short while, but I hope to turn in early so I can get an early start tomorrow. I hope I'll be feeling better and will be able to "make the most of the time". 

Distractions

Thank you all for your kind words and comments on my tribute to Gordon page - it really meant a lot. 

I was so thrilled to find out at almost the last minute that Gordon's memorial service was made available via live stream. I had to do some student juggling, but I knew I had to "be there". It was a beautiful service. I found out later that there were 600 people in attendance in the building and 160 of us watching online!! Am I amazed? Yes and no. 

The prelude music was provided by the man himself via recording and couldn't have been more appropriate. It was strange in a way...watching a memorial service of someone I cared so much for on my TV screen. It almost didn't seem real. During the prelude they were showing a slide show, pictures of him. I couldn't see them very well and some of them not at all because of the camera angle, but I did see one of my very own pictures of him show up on the screen! It was this one I took of him on choir tour one year.

I'm sure they just grabbed whatever pictures they could find, but I felt honored when I saw it there. It was a connection...a confirmation that I was indeed part of his life. I remember taking that photo...who would have imagined then where it would end up. 

The very first thing was the entrance of a 60 voice choir that sang his choral arrangement of It Is Well With My Soul. We sang it in college, so I know it well and I knew from the very first notes played on the piano that it was Gordon's arrangement. Those who spoke talked of his love for God that was made manifest in everything he did, of the joy in his music...an outward expression of the inward man. So true! His son told how his dad had taught him to participate in music even when "just listening", made him ask questions regarding the emotions in the music, the colors, harmonies etc. He said that his dad found God in music and taught him that creating art was an act of worship. I know this is all true; he taught the same things to me. 

Two things that stood out to me that the other speakers mentioned. One, that Gordon's "default system" was praise to the Lord. No matter what was going on, even in the midst of cancer treatment and pain, he was still praising God. Two, that Gordon gave us a picture of God every time he sang or played an instrument. That was the point of Gordon's music...his life...to praise, honor and glorify God and it was evident in everything he did.

It's been a difficult couple of weeks and my entire system is paying for it. Gordon's passing has left me pondering things in my own life...he's still teaching me. 

I feel as though I've gotten off track...I've been distracted by too many "irons in the fire". I have so much going on and I'm going in so many directions that I've lost time for my true callings. I won't go into a lot of detail...just know that there are some changes coming. I know I've been called to glorify God in my music and reviewing Gordon's life has given me a renewed passion for practicing, studying and teaching; for putting into practice everything he taught me and for learning what I never quite grasped. I want to be the best musician I can be but it's going to take a lot of time and effort. 

I've been reminded of successful athletes...they eat, sleep walk, talk, breathe their sport. That's what it takes. I know I'm going to have to let some activities go and I'm finding that difficult, but I'm not getting any younger and time is marching on it seems faster and faster every day. So..I will be making a list of both my responsibilities and my callings and putting away the things in my life that don't produce advancement in those areas. I believe God has a place for me...I may not be saving souls on the mission field, feeding the hungry or giving my life savings to the poor, but I am called to be diligent in the place where God has set me. Lately I've been more distracted than diligent, but with God's guiding hand, it is my hope to put away those distractions. 

I hope you'll all stay with me on my journey.

DGP: March 7, 1947 - January 31, 2015

An amazing life cut much too short.

My mind is beginning to come out of the fog. I say beginning because I’m still struggling to find the words I want to convey. Maybe there truly are no words. I know it’s not ours to reason or ask why, but I can’t help but scratch my head and wonder why he had to leave us so soon when he clearly had so much more to give. I know God’s timing is perfect and I believe G would be the first to remind me of that so I’m trying to rest in that truth.

Oh the things that come to mind when someone we love passes...my thoughts were: did I ever tell him how much he truly meant to me...I can’t remember if I told him...I hope I did, or I hope somehow he knew. I think I always wanted to tell him but wasn't quite sure how, he was such a humble man and I would have gushed, maybe even teared up and probably embarrassed him.

I've been living on Facebook the last couple of days, grieving with others who love him...some of those people I don’t even know, but a strange sort of bond is there. We all keep repeating the same things. I knew he meant a lot to a lot of people, but I never truly realized how much of a small pebble I am in the vast ocean of people whose lives he touched and influenced. He always made me feel like I was the most important. I’m sure he did that to everyone he came in contact with...how did he do that? How did he make us all feel so special??

I met G my first day on campus at Western Bible College in the fall of 1978. I had been to registration and was given his name and told to report to him as my guidance counselor. I knocked on his office door (which was almost always open) and was told to come in and he greeted me with a smile which was cradled between two dimples. I told him that I was told he was my guidance counselor and handed him the papers from the office. He took one look and said, “I see you’re a piano major”, I nodded and he smiled almost an evil smile and said “you’re going to be spending a lot of time with me”. Part of the requirements for a music major was to be in the college chorale, so he sent me across the hall to audition for the choir director. I thought, no problem, I've been in choirs all my life. I was devastated when he told me to try the next year because he didn't need any more altos. I went back to G’s (Mr. P’s) office and told him what happened. Without a word and with great purpose, he sauntered out of the office, coat tail swinging. All was quiet until I heard the choir director say in a rather annoyed and loud tone “well, I sure wish they’d inform me first as to who my majors are”. Mr. P came back down the hall and told me everything was straightened out. 

Spend a lot of time with him indeed! Private lessons, theory class, accompanying his voice students, an excellent class on the Philosophy of Church Music, choir rehearsals and a 2 week choir tour, not to mention random times just talking. He always had a fun joke, comment or quip to keep us laughing and having fun, yet it was always tempered in good taste and only when appropriate. We used to pester him trying to find out what the “K” (his middle initial) stood for and he refused to tell us. He’d smile and say “Kutie”. Whenever I would tease, pester or make a silly comment he’d say, “don’t give me grief, girl” which was always followed by that dimpled smile and a wink. That's what he's saying to me as I took this picture of him on the beach, by the way. Joy just seemed to bubble over and out him. All he had to do was walk in the room and I felt instantly better. To G, life was meant to be fun.

I have so many special memories of him…

The first thing G did upon arriving at a church on choir tour was find the piano and take it for a test run. I remember one time...I don’t even remember where we were, but I was walking into the church suitcase in hand, trying to find the room we were to use to get ready and I saw G nearly sprinting down the corridor. When he spotted me his eyes grew large and a big smile spread over his face. He said excitedly and half out of breath, “Julie, Julie, come here, I have to show you something!” I curiously followed him into the very large sanctuary of the church and down the aisle to the platform where sat the largest grand piano I had ever seen. He gestured to it, “nine feet, it’s a nine foot concert grand piano!” “Play it, play it, sit down and play it.” I hesitated. His face grew more serious and he said, “Julie you have to play it, you’ll probably never again have the chance to say you've played a nine foot concert grand piano!” He handed me a hymn book and gestured for me to play. I sat down and took in the length of it as it stretched out in front of me. The top was in it’s fully open position and all the strings lay before me...beckoning. I slowly played one note at a time, then a few more. I played a hymn. I can’t remember what I played, only that I did and he smiled and his eyes sparkled. The touch, the feel of it, the sound of it was something I had never before experienced. We talked a bit about how it felt...how it sounded, the richness of the tone and then he sent me back to prepare for the concert. I took my time walking back up the aisle, I walked backwards because he had taken my place on the bench and I didn’t want to stop listening to the music that was then filling the room. He was right! That was the one and only time in my entire life that I have ever seen a nine foot concert grand piano, much less got to play one!! I’ll never forget the experience and I’m so glad we shared it together.

Malted milk balls! His wife used to send Bridge Mix with him to work...he loved his Bridge Mix, but he didn't care for the malted milk balls. He told me this one day as he was picking them out of the bowl and I told him I loved malted milk balls. From that day on, he saved his malted milk balls for me. One day I came in for my lesson and he had them all lined up on the music rack on the piano. He’d have me work on a section of my music, then he’d say, “good job, have a malted milk ball”. We’d go back to work and after a while he’d say, “you've earned another malted milk ball”. To this day I never eat a malted milk ball that I don’t think of G!!

Oh the hours I spent in his office either for a lesson, or to get extra help with my theory or just because I needed help sorting out problems. He always had a wise, Godly answer for me. G was always there for me whenever I had a question or a problem, I was never turned away, he was never too busy. I loved music but I was never the best student and it didn't come easy for me. I couldn't have asked for a more kind, caring, patient teacher, even when I was perpetually late for theory class. It didn't help that it was at 7:00 in the morning! He never gave up on me and always encouraged me, I truly believe he honestly believed in me. I still regret not being able to continue my studies with him after I married, I had so much yet to learn...still do, and I would love to go back and not be so timid to pick his brain more. If I have one regret in life it’s that I did not have more time to study under GP. I am so blessed beyond measure to have had his guidance and influence in my life! My music is decorated with his handwritten comments, tips and encouragements...continual reminders of our time together at the piano.

Even my mother knew what a treasure he was! He made a record album, playing his own piano arrangements as a promotional tool for the college. You should have seen her face the Christmas I gave her that album! How she loved to listen to him play. He would play dinner music all evening at the college banquets and I would bring her just to watch her as she listened to him. Priceless! He would even come to my home to tune my piano and then spend time just playing it much to our abundant enjoyment! I would never tire of listening to him play!

Oh, and guess who played both the piano and the organ at my wedding?? YUP! I love this photo! I don't remember what he said to Hubby's dad and my mom on his way to give me a hug in the receiving line, but it was something typically "G".

We lost touch for a while, but started exchanging Christmas letters and soon others followed once in a while. Later it was emails. It’s difficult to find closure from so far away, especially when our communication was now limited to the internet. I would share things to my Facebook page that I knew he’d appreciate or enjoy just to watch for him to “like” or comment. Today when I saw something he would enjoy I went to post it only to remember he wasn't there to see it. I've been told how unusual it is to stay in touch with a former teacher for so many years...yes, I suppose it is. 

I couldn't believe it when I found out he’d been diagnosed with cancer. I remember Hubby saying “there are just some people the curse shouldn't be allowed to touch. I shared his story with my students, who indirectly, are his students too and we prepared a care package for him. Upon it’s arrival he wrote a letter and in it he expressed thanks to each student and specifically mentioned them by name...not to mention some very special comments he had for me. We talked about after he was well again he’d come up here and give a master class for my students and go on a tour of local pipe organs. He said “now that would be fun”.

Of course, not only was he an amazing  pianist, talented composer, choir/ensemble director, lyric tenor, voice teacher, piano tuner, figure skater and skating coach, he was also an organist. I emailed him when I began learning the organ and he seemed pleased. I remember he asked me once if I wanted to learn the organ and I turned him down. WHY?? I have no idea! I guess it wasn't time or I just wasn't ready for whatever reason. Looking back now I think, no, I’m pretty sure he must have known I was more suited to the organ than the piano. When I was preparing for the organ recital last August, he was quietly involved...encouraging. I am now the proud owner of an organ suite he wrote and sent to me. I will be playing one of the pieces from it this Sunday (2-7) for my offertory and since I cannot be in Texas to pay my respects on Monday, I will spend the afternoon practicing only his music. I hope it will be a fitting tribute. I’m hoping to play his arrangement of “O For A Thousand Tongues” during the Easter season and it needs quite a bit of work yet. Maybe I’ll lay in a supply of malted milk balls. ;).

G was always busy. There was always new music to compose, something to learn, a piano to tune, a choir to direct...a song that needed to be sung. God's song. G dedicated his life to singing, playing and teaching God's song...God's word in music form. He taught me that worship music is to be God centered, that learning music takes hard work and dedication but that it's supposed to be fun. He taught me to practice, practice and practice some more and that if I practiced enough it would eventually click. He reminds me that life is to be celebrated and that a life given to God for His service is a life of pure joy.

Thank you G for your kindness, patience, encouragement, support and love. I am eternally grateful to you and our Heavenly Father for allowing you to be part of my life.  With the time I have left on this earth, I hope to make you proud. Like I said on Facebook, please save me a spot on the bench G, we'll share music again someday!