Night Night

Not much to report. 

God has been good and most days I move through my day with with ease and grace. Our situation hasn't improved and the what-if's haunt me from time to time, but God is faithful and reminds me again and again that He's got this.

The house is quiet tonight. Hubby has hockey to ref and daughter is who-knows-where. I needed the quiet...needed an evening to just do what I wanted when I wanted and have no fear of being in someone else's way or being judged for what I was doing or wasn't doing. 

Before I went to practice and after I cleaned the house and prepared supper I made a couple of cards for our newly formed card club with our local crafters group. Each month each person creates a new greeting card that follows the theme for the month, uploads it to our Facebook page, shares a little about it, etc. Each month's theme is something for the upcoming month/season/holiday. Today I finished my card for March...I actually made two and can't decide which to upload. The theme for March is St. Patrick's or spring, but it needs to have some green goin' on. Since I don't send out St. Patty's Day cards I'll save the one with the ribbon and flowers for my daughter and son-in-law's anniversary in August since the ribbon on there is leftover from their wedding. The card club idea has been great so far. It's forcing me to get some cards made, pushing my creativity forward and getting our group talking and interacting again...all pluses in my book. 

I'm having some trouble lately with my hands and wrists...it's making things difficult for me when I practice. I'm not sure if it's carpel tunnel, arthritis or just what is going on but I sure hope I can make some changes that will turn it around soon.

It's cold tonight...

I don't usually take showers at night but I did tonight and I took my time to enjoy the warmth of the water and then I took time to moisturize every inch of me. It's getting to be that time of year when the gray, bleakness starts taking it's toll and one needs to spend some time once in a while just enjoying some basic take-care-of-me time. 

I'll be heading to bed soon but before I do I'll finish up my me-time ritual with some tennis ball therapy, stretches and deep breathing exercises. I'll sleep like a baby tonight. 

Good night...
                    Sleep tight...

A Hodgepodge That's Easy To Love

1. What's the last thing you did that someone else thought was super? 

I took a couple of friends on a tour of local pipe organs and they loved every minute. 

2. The last thing you ate that tasted superb? 

My oatmeal pie

3. Supersensitive, superstitious, superwoman, superambitious, supercilious, supervisor, superficial...pick a super word from the list and tell us how it relates to your life in some way recently or currently. 

The word I choose is superficial. With only one or two exceptions, most of the relationships I have in life right now are superficial.

4. Do you love easily? If you're comfortable doing so, explain why you think that is. 

I used to but I've been hurt so many times I am very cautious now. 

5. Valentine's Day lands on a Tuesday this year. Will you mark the day in some way? If you're celebrating with a dinner out somewhere will it be on Tuesday or will you celebrate over the weekend? 

Hubby has hockey that night so I'm not sure if I'll do a special meal at home or not. He traditionally buys me a few red roses and I'll make him a card and give him a special candy bar. 

6. What's something you are loving right now? 

My bowl of popcorn, it's my favorite snack

7 Write a three word (or less) phrase you'd like to see on a Valentine candy heart.  

"I'll do dishes"

8.  Insert your own random thought here. 

I'm praising God my Hubby wasn't injured in a roll-over accident this past weekend. He was on his way home from a refereeing assignment, hit some black ice and rolled his truck off the shoulder. No bumps, not even a scratch. We're still waiting to hear back from the insurance adjuster. 

​Julie

 

Stains

 Isaiah 1:18 

“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the Lord, “Though your sins are as scarlet, They will be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They will be like wool.

The stain in the above photo is on my desk calendar. It's a tea stain; stained every page from February to December. I actually thought it was kind of interesting...looks a bit like a heart shape. I'll probably turn it into a background for one of my ATC cards because a fellow crafty friend of mine has repeatedly shown me how such things that we'd normally throw away can be turned into interesting pieces of art. 

Stains

They come in all shapes and sizes and colors...they're usually something most of us prefer to avoid...more often than not, they ruin something...and unless you're lucky or a talented household engineer with fantastic knowledge of just the right stain removing recipe, they often make the stained object worthless for anything except the trash bin. 

What happens when the stained object is something of great value? Something we just can't throw away? A beautiful dress, a family heirloom quilt, historic documents, the family Bible. What if the stain isn't that easy to remove? What about stains that can't be treated with a laundry recipe? What about stains to the heart? What about a stained life? What about two lives...or what about a stain on an entire family? How do you deal with those kinds of stains? Is it possible for something so horribly stained to become something of beauty?

                                         Those kinds of stains

                                                 are deep

                                               and painful

And in the middle of the night while trying to sleep on a tear stained pillow, we know those kinds of stains may fade over time but will forever have colored our lives and there is just no way to make it go away. 

The week isn't anywhere near over and yet it's been very long as we struggle to comprehend the incomprehensible...the unthinkable. If I could only go back in time...could I have done something...anything to make this story have a different ending? If I could, would I? Probably...is that the best thing? I don't know. Is that a slap in God's face...to basically say I would have done it differently, my life wouldn't have turned out this way if I was is charge. Do you really know what you're doing? Oh my, that wasn't my intention when I was thinking that, but that's where that kind of thinking goes. 

 In her book One Thousand Gifts Ann Voskamp writes,

 "Maybe you don't want to change the story, because you don't know what a different ending holds." There's a reason I am not writing the story and God is. he knows how it all works out, where it all leads, what it all means. 

                                    I don't."

"Maybe...I guess...it's accepting there are things we simply don't understand. But He does. And I see. At least a bit more. When we find ourselves groping along, famished for more, we can choose. When we are despairing, we can choose to live as Israelites, gathering manna. For forty long years, God's people daily eat manna--a substance whose name literally means 'What is it?' Hungry, they choose to gather up that which is baffling. They fill on that which has no meaning, More than 14,600 days they take their daily nourishment from that which they don't comprehend. They find soul-filling in the inexplicable. They eat the mystery. And the mystery, that which made no sense, is 'like wafers of honey' on the lips." 

I read the chapter containing this paragraph just days before the unthinkable, incomprehensible stain was made evident. Now I wonder...is it possible? Is it that this mystery, this stain, this loss might somehow be able to nourish me? My family? 

Ann continues..."I wonder too...if the rent in the canvas of our life backdrop, the losses that puncture our world our own emptiness, might actually become places to see. 

                                          To see through to 

                                                   God. 

That which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave. 

Maybe so.

But how? How do we choose to allow the holes to become seeing-through-to-God places? To more-God places? How do I give up resentment for gratitude, gnawing anger for spilling joy? Self-focus for God-communion. To fully live- to live full of grace and joy and all that is beauty eternal. 

It is possible, wildly."

Really??? Is it possible? To feel joy again? Happiness? Peace of mind and soul and heart? Is there anyway God can be glorified in this MESS? 

The pain, the guilt, the fear...it all gripped me like a vise. I wasn't able to pray...I could barely breathe in and out. 

And then today...I sighed a prayer...God, please heal this, please bring restoration, please be glorified, please fix this.

It was a simple prayer...

it's all I could dredge up from my shattered soul and suddenly it came. I've heard of people testify of peace coming over them, but I've never felt it in such a profound way in my own life...not like this. Suddenly... and I do mean suddenly, the three day old headache was gone, the what-ifs and whys stopped spinning around in my head at dizzying speeds and the guilt...that horrible guilt...it faded and I was able to think more clearly without choking on tears every few minutes. I was able to move through my day and actually function and do my job. God told me I had done the best I could with the knowledge and resources I had available to me at the time and it was not my fault...it was not my fault. We will deal with the pain together...He will be there...He is here. 

I know the pain will come again, the tears will flow again...this story is not over and the restoration process has not yet really even begun, but I believe God will put His loving arms around me again when the time comes and help me endure. I will continue to struggle to trust God to bring nourishment from this that I do not comprehend and I must trust Him that love will win out, that He promises to  be with us because...

                    Jesus paid it all, 

                     all to Him I owe; 

                         sin had left a crimson stain,

                               He washed it white as snow.

 

So Long January Hodgepodge

                                                                  

1. Can you believe it's the end of January? What was the best day of January 2017 for you, and why?

No, I can't believe it's the end of January! I guess the best day would be Saturday the 21st, it was all day craft day with my local crafters group. 

2. What sounds make up the background noise in your life?

MUSIC. The vintage clock ticking away on my desk, the washing machine, bread maker and dehumidifier when they're running. Usually I keep the house pretty quiet, but if there's noise it's from an appliance or music I might have going. 

3. I read on the Power of Positivity website a list of ten things to drop from your life right now. They are-

anger outbursts, people who put you down, regret, negative self talk, being a people pleaser, the notion you need to be perfect, the past (but keep the lessons learned!), gossip and judgment, comparing yourself to others, and the word hate (focus on what you love instead)

Which thing on the list do you most need to drop? Regret .
Are you trying or will you try? That's going to be very difficult if not impossible for the next while. 
4. What is sacred to you? 
My faith, my relationship to God and the music of the church

5. January is National Oatmeal month. Are you a fan, and if so how do you like it?
I am a fan. I like it for breakfast with raisins and brown sugar but my favorite way is to make my mother's recipes for oatmeal pie and oatmeal cake!

6. What feelings does twilight stir up in you?
Peace, tranquility, restfulness. 

7. Something you're looking forward to next month?
My daughter's birthday is on the 11th and tonight she told us she'd like to go out to one of our favorite local restaurants for dinner that night and she has a gift certificate that should pay for all our meals! 

8. Insert your own random thought here.
It's been a long time since I have linked up to hodgepodge...I hope I did it correctly. 

The Problem With Life Is That It's So Daily

My husband says that all the time. I haven't successfully found out where that quote originated, but it's how I'm feeling today. 

I was so pleased with myself yesterday. I intentionally stayed home from organ practice in order to get my home in order and perhaps get a jump on the rest of the week. I attacked the dust in every room of the Turquoise Castle with my Swiffer duster, ran the vacuum, mopped the kitchen, cleaned the bathroom, swept the basement, washed, dried, folded and put away 4 loads of laundry, cleaned out the refrigerator, straightened the studio and taught a piano lesson. Fortunately I had leftovers so I didn't have to cook. Although I didn't get to a couple of office type jobs I did get in a bit of a work-out and when I went to bed I was fairly pleased with all I had accomplished. The plan for this morning was to teach my 8:00 a.m. lesson, dive into my morning devotions, do a quick touch up on my "clean" castle and head over to the church to get in a couple hours practice before coming home to an afternoon of teaching. 

Best laid plans...

Instead I woke up late because I stayed up with Hubby after he came home he came home from his reffing job. He always needs to unwind a bit before going to bed and we watched Netflix a little longer than we should have. I walked through the castle and found life happened again. The kitchen sink had dishes in it from Hubby's late night snack and daughter's lunch from yesterday, the couch was covered in white dog fur from his snuggles with Hubby last night and before I could begin to tackle any of it my student arrived early before I had even had breakfast or my coffee. 

It looks like another day away from the organ. I could leave it all, but then I'd have to do chores tonight instead of my work-out. 

I get so discouraged that I'm always giving something up. I'm tired of my to-do list getting increasingly longer instead of shorter. My goals of things I want/need to accomplish keep getting pushed aside for chores. 

Yes I've asked for help from family but it doesn't happen and I have to pick my battles and move on. I can't hire help. It's so hard to be queen when my goals are always last on the list of the urgent. 

All that said, it's time to wash the dishes, start supper prep, run the vacuum and get myself ready for students to start arriving. 

I need to relocate my sparkle. 

Let The Sun Shine In!

This time of year we see the sun and the moon so rarely that I felt the need on Saturday morning to document the event. It's been so refreshing and energizing to see the sun the last two days. I am hoping for this gift at least one more day as tomorrow I could really use the extra energy it brings. These are photos of the moon set and sunrise on Saturday. 

Update: I didn't get this posted when I had planned, but the good news is, it looks like we'll have that sunshine today that I've been hoping for! I've already got a good start to my day. 

Even Gibbs, as much as he adores the snow surely must enjoy the sunshine as well. 

Saturday was also our monthly ATC trade. Our theme this month was music and these are the cards I made and took to trade: 

And these I made but saved for now:

We've had some illness among our group so our meeting was cut short so those ailing could return home. Prayers are offered for one with skin cancer and another with vertigo. It is my prayer that all will be feeling much better for our all day craft day next Saturday. 

One of the things I'm doing for myself is making more of an effort to look the part of "queen". I've never been a fan of make-up and I'd prefer to wear a sweatshirt and yoga pants than take the time and make the effort to put together a nice outfit, but I find when I do take the time to dress up and put on make-up it also affects my attitude. I find I feel more elegant and more feminine. I have to talk myself into it more often than not since it's easier to be a slob, especially when my job doesn't take me out of the house on a daily basis. I know in my heart that I should dress better for my students, their parents and even for myself. A dear friend used to regularly tell me "head up, shoulders back"...he's not around to remind me, so it's time to remind myself and it's something I must do daily...dressing up a bit does help me hold my head up a bit higher.

Oh, how could I forget?! I was given a surprise gift from a friend at the ATC trade. Pam is a local artist that sales her creations and she made me my initial and these magnets. The initial is a store bought letter but she decorated it with...wait for it...EGGSHELLS and alcohol paint. She does this for jewelry too. It's amazing what this woman comes up with! The magnets are common tiles painted with alcohol ink. I was so surprised...still am as she's not someone I would have expected a gift from. It's not like we know each other very well, I hardly know her at all but come to think of it, she's always doing nice little things for me. I must make her a thank-you note for her this week. Do yourself a favor and visit her Facebook page at Pamations and scroll down to see some of her other creations. I don't think it's been updated in a while, she's too busy being creative, but if you happen to see something you like, you won't be disappointed. 

One more step toward my goals. 

Sparkle on....

What About This Crown Thing?

About a year ago I changed the name of my blog. The word Maestoso means majestically or with majesty - it's a musical term. Grazioso is also a musical term meaning with grace. The new theme of this blog is to serve as a reminder to me to live my life with majesty and grace. I am currently focused on making some important lifestyle changes. I'm learning to "reign as queen" by not allowing life to get in the way of accomplishing my goals and living in majesty and grace as a daughter of the King, subject to God's ultimate lead. I'm hoping as you read this entry the idea will begin to make some sense. Please also feel free to check out my featured post which may explain better. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking of royalty as in spoiled. As wives and mothers we often put ourselves and our goals for life last on our to-do list. I am trying to turn that around a bit in my own life. I still have my family to care for along with the cooking, cleaning, laundry and teaching, but my health has been telling me it's past time for me to start putting myself first at least once in a while and to spend time enriching myself, physically, mentally and emotionally. I began this journey a year ago and though I have made progress, it is an ongoing process and you're welcome to to join me or at least encourage me and learn from my mistakes. It's all about being the best I can be because I am called into His Kingdom. 

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of the darkness into His marvelous light".

To remind those of you who read this before and also to give any new readers a sense of where I'm going with this, I ask you to check out these past blog entries. 
Straighten That Crown
Crowned

Here are some thoughts from Ann Voskamp at A Holy Experience that really helped me put this into perspective. 

How To Destroy Procrastination pt.1
How To Destroy Procrastination pt. 2

Please take the time to read these articles because it's worth your while if your trying to set goals or make changes in your life...I promise. Isn't the start of the new year the time everyone has goals bouncing around in their heads? Me too. 

Lately I have felt as though God has been telling me if I keep filling my time with wasteful things my life will be a waste, but if I fill my time with the things I am meant to do, then I will be laying up eternal treasure and furthering the Kingdom. 

I have a bucket list of sorts - though I haven't written it down as yet and I probably should sometime soon. I have divided it up into two categories. In the first category I'm making slow but steady progress but in the second category I'm failing miserably. I'm praying this will be my year. My list isn't the same as most people's in that I'm not wanting to sky dive or climb a mountain or be well traveled. My goals are much simpler, much more in line with my day to day life but when I accomplish one that's been on my list for a while I certainly feel like a weight has been lifted. 

Working to obtain my goals, being the best me I can be while enriching my intimate relationship with The Father is all what it means to "wear the crown". 

The completion of these Christmas stockings I finally made for my SIL, DIL and my granddaughter was one of the things on my to-do list. I'm so happy to cross these off and I'm very happy with how they turned out. 

Yes, that's one project off the list but there are so many more. It's so hard to stay motivated, but I find...crazy as it sounds...if I imagine getting up every morning and putting on my "crown" it helps me to take my responsibilities seriously. And it's not all about projects, it's also about building relationships, nurturing friendships and even my relationship with The King, my heavenly Father. Is my life reflecting Him and His love in everything I put my hand to each and every day? 

It's not easy. It's a one day at a time kind of thing and I don't always come to the end of my day with my crown sparkling. More often that not it's pretty beat up and sometimes it's been knocked completely off my head but I put it on the next morning and try again. 

So it seems I may have some new readers to my blog, I hope I haven't scared you off with my rantings about wearing a crown and being a queen. It may all sound a bit crazy just coming into it, but I hope as you stop by from time to time you will begin to understand my analogies. 

Speaking of new readers, I found out my blog has been in hiding in that people haven't been able to view it. I was told when I first joined blogger that everything was public so I've been a bit confused the past few days as to why my new friends can't read my older entries. Anyway, if you're new here, WELCOME and I hope you can at least read some of my more recent entries. If you've stopped by, please leave a comment, I'd like to get to know you and come visit you where you blog. 

Fall

I know this is not a good photo of my first granddaughter and believe me when I tell you, my files are full of adorable pictures I'd love to share, but since Blogger doesn't have the best system of privacy and my DIL is very careful about what we post online, this will have to do. I'll have to find some ways to be more creative with pictures of her. 

Our first meeting was Thanksgiving. There is something indescribable that happened in my heart the first time I saw my son, my first born holding his first born. OH MY GOODNESS!! 

Even though she was already a month old by that time she and her mother were still trying to make sense out of the whole nursing thing and there was a lot of crying and very little sleep going on. Hubby had to get home but I got to stay for a total of four days. It was wonderful and awful. Wonderful because I got to be with my son and hold my granddaughter but awful because I felt so helpless and there really was very little I could do to help except do dishes of which I did...a lot. It was difficult to witness the struggle between new parents, wanting to butt in and knowing I shouldn't. GD, DIL and Hubby had all been sick the week before, I came down with a slight case while I was there and Son came down with a big dose just before he had to drive me home. I felt so bad for him. I loved loving on my GD, but I was so very happy to be home at the same time. 

Our second meeting with her was New Year's Day. We made a day trip out of it and that was much better although I'm not happy with winter driving in the dark...even as a passenger. She grew and changed a lot in a month and every time I leave her my arms ache to hold her again. I try to stay busy and not think about it too much. My DIL is very good about sending lots of pictures and video. 

I have officially joined the ranks of doating grandmothers.

I'm gonna rock this gramma thing!

Summer

Recently one of my all time favorite shows, Gilmore Girls did a reunion type series in 4 installments labeled Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer. I'm going to try and catch you up on the last several months of my life by first bringing you Summer.

Last fall I wanted to brush up some of my piano and music theory skills and was pleased to begin working with one of the best musicians in our area. As it turned out she wanted to learn how to play the organ so we traded services. Susan is a local private music teacher and a talented performer on the piano and flute so of course she is taking to the organ very well.

She and I together with my Hubby on his euphonium gave a recital in August as part of the Organists of the Keweenaw summer recital series. Each summer the local organists put on recitals on local historic pipe organs to raise money for their upkeep. For our recital we used one of the oldest tracker pipe organs in MIchigan. I often wondered if I was crazy for putting myself through the stress of practicing and performing on an unfamiliar instrument, but once the evening was over I was glad we did it. I haven't. decided if I'm ready to do another any time soon though. 

I had great fun taking some inquisitive friends D and J on an organ crawl of some of those historic organs this summer. We had a good time getting to know each other better and formed fast friendships, especially between me and J. They live in FL during the winter and before they left we had established a routine of meeting for breakfast one day a week for breakfast. We have a lot in common, she's a very good listener and she really supports me in my work and ministry on the organ. J told me that after D, who's cancer is in remission, got home he fell fast asleep on the couch and when he woke up he said his dreams were of organ music! Warmed my heart! 

I was proud to see several of my piano students perform publically at Calumet's sesqui-centennial celebration this summer. The plan was to have different performing groups at each intersection downtown but because fo rain they put us under a small tent in the part which was right next to a large tent of vendors and the very loud MTU pep band. We also had to borrow a keyboard that unbeknownst to us arrived with no music rack, bench or power source. My students rallied like professionals and made the most of a difficult situation by helping me find solutions to each problem and then put on excellent performances that made people stop and take notice. It was a learning experience for each one of us and I was so proud of each one of my students!

Unfortunately I took a picture of each student that participated but I can only find few in my files. Where the rest have disappeared to I have no idea. I'm rather upset. 

Well it was quite the summer filled with music. I discovered some of my weaknesses but also some of my strengths and in these few instances I believe I wore my crown well.