Hope

I still have a dark cloud that hangs threateningly over my head. but some small glimmers of hope as well.

I see the glimmer of hope in the coming of spring. Even though the days are oh so cold with temperatures still hanging around the below 0 mark most of the time, the days are noticeably longer and the sun has been a more frequent visitor and for that I am grateful because though I can't feel spring in the air, I can see it...it's on it's way.

The other glimmer of hope is a tiny improvement in my physical well being. After a visit with my massage therapist this past week, we determined the reason I have been in so much pain and so tender to the touch and why I can't seem to make a difference in my body when I stretch or have work done on the muscle tissues is because my fascia is so tight. She did a myo fascia release on my lower body and it was amazing. I felt the changes happening right there on the table. The next day I had no hip pain, I slept without tossing and turning and there was no pain in my hip or knee when I walked or climbed the stairs! The calves of my legs were even less tight to my touch and even seemed smaller to me - like all that tightness had made them swell. My therapist said that could very well be the case as fascia can retain fluid and when it's released the fluid is released along with other toxins and eliminated. That's the good news. The bad news is it's not a one and done kind of thing, it's a long road to healing and lots of work on my part. The other bad news is my therapist will be out of town for three weeks and so staying on top of this situation will be difficult at best, not to mention when she returns it will be expensive, but without it I truly don't believe I'll be walking or playing the organ much longer. That's the dark cloud, that and if I don't work on this everyday I slip immediately back to the painful tightness that has become a nasty new "normal" for me. I missed doing my exercises on both Saturday and Sunday and this morning I could tell I was slipping back to those painful patterns. It didn't take long at all. I've been through this before and each time I learn more about how to take care of myself and hopefully this time I will make time enough to stay on top of the situation.

So today, whether for better or for worse I chose to make a "spa day". Now most of you are thinking that sounds great, but bear in mind, I'm not talking body wraps, facials and steam baths, I'm talking about an afternoon of stretches and exercises and most of them will be painful.  It also means I had to neglect my practice time on the organ because there just isn't time for both. I went back and forth making this decision...I hate that I had to give up one for the other, but the situation is what it is because many times in the past...too many to count...I have not listened to my body and given it what it needed, rather I kept to my schedule and did what I either wanted to do or needed to do and my body has suffered for it. I'm hoping by doing this today and maybe again later in the week, a shorter period of stretches and exercise on the other days will suffice.

Also today I began being very strict with my diet - how many times have I said that - but this time I'm down to the wire on time. I have a new top I purchased to wear for my organ recital that will hopefully be scheduled for either May 1st or May 8h. I can wear the top now, but it doesn't look as good as I want it to...especially considering I'll be up in front of people. I have 8 weeks...8 weeks to make a substantial difference in how I look and feel.

Please pray I can do this.