Three days...no, TWO days into my Lent experience (it really does seem like three) and already the voices are starting.
- It's been two days, don't you think you should see some measure of results already?
- Shouldn't you be more spiritual or something?
- You know you can't do this alone, you need a friend, an accountability partner!
- You're not doing enough.
- What if you fail....again?
- Is this the best use of your time?
- Let's use this time to multi-task.
- Don't stop by the computer, we still have things on our list to do.
- We decided you weren't going to eat that - it's not good for you.
- Put away that magazine, it's tempting you.
- There is still time to get in your work-out - at least do what you can.
Every step, every decision, every moment accounted for, for good or for evil. Which lion do I feed? Which one will I respond to? It's a constant battle every second of each day. And what if I fail? What then?
One of the devotionals I'm following this season is by Ann Voskamp at Holy Experience. Her most recent entry is about "failing lent".
A failing lent? It is a good Lent because this lament of our sin — is exactly what prepares us for Resurrection Joy found in our Savior.
Lent gives us this gift: the deeper we know the pit of our messiness & sin, the deeper we’ll drink from the draughts of His joy.
Grief is what cultivates the soil for the seeds of joy.
“Don’t think of lent as about working your way to salvation. Think of it as working out your salvation."
I think maybe failure is one way we're taught that we cannot do it in our own strength, we need His strength, His guidance each step of the way. Every step, every decision, every moment.
The "evil" voice tells me I'm failing...maybe I'm succeeding in learning the most valuable lesson of all.
I don't feel even a little qualified to give you any advice (especially when you already have a good resource for that!), because I fight the battle everyday, too. Don't we all? All we can do is what we can do. If we 'fail' we just get up, dust off our bottoms and start again. What a blessing we have in God's grace and mercy!
ReplyDeleteI can only repeat what Terri said. We all fall down and fail at times, but God knows that. Afterall, He made us that way and we can only learn from it. Learn about ourselves, our weaknesses and the strength we can find in Him. He sees your struggles. God bless you.
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