Monday

Weekends go by so quickly! 

Sunday I woke up with an awful headache but I went to church anyway. It was so difficult to be at the organ and play half way decently. Even eating lunch didn't help so I went home and took another Ibuprofen and took a nap. I woke up feeling better but it still wasn't gone. It was finally gone when I woke up this morning, but I've felt tired all day. 

When Hubby and I were walking the dogs after church we were surprised to see a small bat flying rather erratically. We couldn't figure out why a bat would be out and about in the middle of the day! When we returned home from lunch, we were even more surprised to find it clinging to the step on our front porch! We watched it as it crawled up the steps, across the porch, took a couple of tries and flying short distances and then headed for my flower bed. I thought it was going to settle in for a nap among my columbine, but I watched as it began crawling up the side of the house! I think it tucked itself in under the shake shingles for a bit. When I went out later, it was either far enough under where I couldn't see it, or it had moved on. Hubby was a little surprised that I wasn't totally freaking out. I don't care for them when they are flying too close to me and I certainly don't want them inside the house, but this one didn't seem to be doing well and I found myself rather fascinated as I've never seen one that close for that length of time. I've never seen them crawl like that. It's a bit creepy LOL. I didn't want to take my eyes off it to get my camera so I didn't get any pictures but I found this one online that looks very much like it did when we first found it on the porch. 

Usual Monday here, some cleaning this morning, organ practice with my mentor, David at the organ. I treasure our time together.

Mentor was telling me about the sale of the Crystal Cathedral in CA to the Catholic Diocese and how the organ is currently in Italy being refurbished and will be re-installed in the "new" Christ Cathedral. He was saying he wants very much to make the trip out to the dedicatory concert in 2016. I hope he can go. I had never seen a picture of this organ until today. Check out this video. It is immense! He hopes to take a friend with him who was right hand man to the famous concert organist, Virgil Fox who's specifications went into the building of the organ. I told him if he gets to go that I want to see lots of pictures when he returns! 

Daughter #2 is having her wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow. They gave her two possible quotes on price $1200. something and $2000. something. She has no insurance. Please, please pray it is the lesser of the two. She can pay that...it will be tight for a long while and difficult on her, but the other one is simply out of the question with her current job. She has to get this done as she is in so much pain. We cannot help her as we have not been paid since before Christmas and we are trying to make it on my teaching money which will be next to non-existent after June 4th. I don't know what we're going to do except pray that God will continue to provide for her needs and for ours. 

I'll be spending the day at The Little Turquoise House tomorrow doing laundry and teaching. Hopefully I'll be able to work on a project or two...I'll keep ya posted. ;) 

Come Saturday...

Well, it's no longer morning, far from it. But thinking back to this morning, I do sometimes miss the lazy Saturday mornings of my youth. Cartoons and pj's all morning! When I got a little older I graduated to old Andy Hardy movies on one of the movie channels! One of these Saturdays I'm going to curl up and watch something in my pj's all morning long and not wait for a sick day! After the cool temps, rain and even snow this week, it was so nice to open up the windows and let the sunshine in!

New to my Saturday morning routine is waiting for my "egg lady". I found out through a piano student that one of my former piano students moms is now selling farm fresh eggs and she even delivers them! I signed up!! I am loving the eggs, the flavor is better and I just feel good knowing they are farm fresh and local. She has some hens that lay a turquoise colored egg that is so pretty! These this morning are a little lighter in color, but she tries to give every customer one or two of the pretty turquoise/green/bluish eggs. 

 Our fur buddy Gilmore is showing his age more and more. We have had the "discussion" several times about what to do for our dear friend, and he must hear us talking because he always seems to perk up for a day or two. He is having such a hard time climbing the steps and sometimes his legs are so weak that we see him walking on the top of his foot! One of us usually has to go and move it back for him. 

Hubby is going to help son put in a fence in a couple of weeks and I so want to go along, but Gil wouldn't make the trip well. I think it's time, but then he looks at us with through those sweet eyes and we just don't have the heart. Looks like I will probably be staying home and dog sitting yet again. We have pretty much decided though that he won't be able to make it through another winter, and we don't have the heart to ask him to. 

Last fall I transplanted some Johnny Jump ups that grew wild in our vegetable garden. They have filled this yard since we moved here in 2008, the same year my mom passed away. Pansies and Johnny Jump Ups were her very favorite flower and whenever I saw another batch spring up in the yard I took it as a sign from my mom. It seemed she was saying she was happy for us and that she approved. They came up beautifully this spring in the front bed. 

 I went to the church to practice this afternoon and was so sore when I came home that I spent some time with my new favorite thing...my foam roller. Once again I have let myself go and once again I am getting back on track. The foam roller helps realign my spine and hips and takes care of my sciatic pain. If I keep this up along with my other exercises and yoga I will be in good shape. I just have to stay consistent which has always been a problem for me.  I feel so much better when I do it, why do I put it off for so long? 

Well, I need to get a good nights rest, church tomorrow and all that is required of me. Time to take Sookie outside and take some meat out of the freezer for tomorrow. 
Good night all!

Spring

Hello all! 

I know, it's been a very long time. I miss being here, I miss all of you. I have been reading occasionally and commenting occasionally, I hope you've gotten my messages. A few weeks ago I had a creative, eloquent blog going through my head and wouldn't ya know it....not a minute to myself to sit down and type it out. Of course, now I've forgotten even what it was about! 

I haven't blogged since the beginning of Lent. I had goals and expectations that are yet to be realized. It has become discouraging at times, but I soldier on. Life is a journey - trial and error, successes and failures and I may be making some progress - a little like one step forward, two steps back. One of my favorite new quotes is this: "There is a beautiful thing called imperfect progress. It comes when we take slow steps of progress wrapped in grace. Imperfect progress is still progress."

One milestone was planning a "craft day" for my scrapbook friends from the store that closed last year. We finally had a chance to all get together again - it was a fun reunion! Our church let us open the gym to these ladies and we invited other crafters to join us. We already have our second gathering scheduled for the 11th of July! I was so busy setting things up that I failed to take any pictures...NEXT TIME! 

Mother's Day was quiet, but nice. I was taken out to eat by Hubby and Daughter #2 - the others could not be here, but sent gifts and called. It was good to talk to them. Daughter #1 sent a nice bouquet of flowers, Son sent a cream and sugar set I've been wanting to round out my turquoise Fiesta Ware collection, Daughter #2 gave me some foot soak crystals, some pansies for my porch planter and came by this last week to help me clean all the windows of The Turquoise House inside and out. 

Spring finally arrived! The snow finally melted, came again and melted again. There are still "small" piles of snow in some shaded areas, but for now at least the garden and yard at The Turquoise house are clear of the white stuff! 

This handsome fella was my first robin sighting this year. Oh how happy I was to see him! 

 Since then we have had several visitors to the yard. 

Oh how I enjoy my feathered friends! 

With the exception of cleaning the garage, the cleaning of the windows marked the completion of my spring cleaning for this year. I'm happy to have that behind me and now it's on to more important things. 

Hubby's business continues to be poor, even dare I say, worse than ever. I am so very grateful for my piano students. I currently have 17 enrolled, but that will be changing quickly with the coming of summer. Most families drop out for the summer. I'm trying to look forward to more free time for myself - a chance to make some real progress on those personal goals of mine, but it's difficult to find personal peace when one wonders from day to day how the bills are going to be paid. Our meals have become even more simple than ever, which is a blessing in disguise. I usually cook some meat of some kind on the stove top and add a tossed salad...dinner. 

Hubby is anxiously awaiting the spring planting of the garden. We had snow just last week and temps continue to stay cool, so it's too early just yet. 

After staying away all winter, I am now back practicing on the pipe organ every Monday afternoon and meeting with my mentor for more instruction and encouragement. His official retirement date is August 7th. We plan to continue to meet unless his new schedule (he has to get some kind of part time job) prevents it. 

I am working hard on my music both at the organ and the piano. It's difficult to get anything else accomplished between practice time and teaching, but I love it. I am struggling now with what may be arthritis of the middle knuckle in my right hand. It doesn't hurt to play unless I have a stretch. I am no longer able to pick up a half gallon of milk with that hand. 

Well gang, I hope this is the first of many blog entries to come. I will update some more as things come to mind. Please drop me a note and let me know you're still out there. I miss you all. 

Discoveries

As I wrote yesterday, only a few days into my Lenten project and already I'm struggling with discouragement and self-doubt. The amazing thing is, right on cue...God shows up and starts His encouragement campaign. 

The first thing He did is shown in this the above photo that I took from my kitchen window...look closely...do you see it? A cross, glowing in the sunset at the end of the day as if to say "I did this for you, you can do this for me." 

Last night, wanting to make some headway in one of my projects, I went to a shelf where I've been storing boxes of memorabilia and chose one at random to look through. These boxes contain things my mother saved from my childhood as well as things I saved for each one of my children of their childhood. Awards, poems, artwork, cards, etc., all collecting dust and musty smells from the basement. It's time to sort, and find a better storage system until I can get the scrapbooks made. As I looked through the box in hopes of discarding some things, I came across two very special surprise items. 

My mother used to paint a lot of paint by number pictures. I know, there are all kinds of jokes out there about how cheesy paint by number are, but my mother had creative inclinations and no money or opportunity for training of any kind so she made art in the only way she could. She became very good at it. I remember being fascinated watching her paint so carefully and skillfully into those teeny tiny spaces and keep her lines so straight. I did it too a time or two and enjoyed it very much. I know she also did it to fill her lonely evenings and to keep her hands busy and her mind occupied. When we moved into this house I remember packing a picture she had painted of a girl in a large straw hat. It was always one of my favorites and I wanted to be sure it was saved. Since we moved in I have searched and searched for that picture and haven't been able to find it. I thought it was the only one of her paintings left until I found two in the box! They are both of Christ....one as the 'Good Shepherd' the other with the 'crown of thorns'. They are damaged slightly, but look fine from a distance. I'm so happy to have them and am amazed I found both of them this week of all times. 

My mother was also famous for writing everything down. She used to take scraps of paper, staple them together and put them in her purse for grocery lists or for copying down things she found while we were out and about. She wrote down everything from Scripture verses, to poems, to hymn texts. She would often scavenge scraps of paper that had something on one side but blank on the other for her supply. One such paper had the text to a hymn she had written down on one side and the remnant of a note from Gordon on the other! It said "Well I guess I've gone on long enough. I hope I've been able to encourage you to press on. Have a wonderful Christmas season. In Him and His love, Gordon K. Page." 

The tears came. All those memories flooding back again...the amazing way he always made me feel. I wish I had the rest of this letter...I don't remember it and I have no idea how it came to be in my mother's scrap paper file...GRRRR , but I'm glad I have at least this much. Once again, I'm tired, discouraged and beaten down and as if he reached down from Heaven and handed the note to me for the first time, it refreshed my spirit. Just when I needed someone to tell me to "press on", just when I needed some encouragement, it comes...from a most unlikely source...a dear friend, now in Heaven. What a special gift to me! 

I want to share one more picture with you before I close just because it makes me smile and I hope it will do the same for you. 

Have a good night all!

Voices

You know the cartoon, it's been used so many times we can't count...the "voice" of good whispering in one ear while the "voice" of evil whispers in the other. Good and evil battling it out to see who will win. 

Three days...no, TWO days into my Lent experience (it really does seem like three) and already the voices are starting. 

• It's been two days, don't you think you should see some measure of results already?
• Shouldn't you be more spiritual or something? 
• You know you can't do this alone, you need a friend, an accountability partner!
• You're not doing enough.
• What if you fail....again?

What about the other voice? Some call it "conscience",  "the still small voice", I call it the leading of the Holy Spirit. While the "evil" voice tries to convince me I will fail, the Spirit gently prods, leading me one step at a time. 

• Is this the best use of your time?
• Let's use this time to multi-task. 
• Don't stop by the computer, we still have things on our list to do.
• We decided you weren't going to eat that - it's not good for you. 
• Put away that magazine, it's tempting you. 
• There is still time to get in your work-out - at least do what you can.

Every step, every decision, every moment accounted for, for good or for evil. Which lion do I feed? Which one will I respond to? It's a constant battle every second of each day. And what if I fail? What then? 

One of the devotionals I'm following this season is by Ann Voskamp at Holy Experience. Her most recent entry is about "failing lent". 

A failing lent? It is a good Lent because this lament of our sin — is exactly what prepares us for  Resurrection Joy found in our Savior.

Lent gives us this gift: the deeper we know the pit of our messiness & sin, the deeper we’ll drink from the draughts of His joy.

Grief is what cultivates the soil for the seeds of joy.

“Don’t think of lent as about working your way to salvation. Think of it as working out your salvation."

I think maybe failure is one way we're taught that we cannot do it in our own strength, we need His strength, His guidance each step of the way. Every step, every decision, every moment.

The "evil" voice tells me I'm failing...maybe I'm succeeding in learning the most valuable lesson of all. 

A "Baptist" During Lent

I've been trying to start this entry for several days now. I just can't seem to put all my thoughts together in a logical progression...even now, this may all come out in jumbled bits. 

I am currently reading two books. I honestly chose them for two different reasons and thought one had nothing to do with the other, but sometimes when God wants to teach us something, he brings things together in ways we could have never imagined. 

The first book, my daughter gave me to read a year ago and I'm just now cracking it open. It's Reshaping It All by Candace Cameron Bure. It's geared more to someone my daughters age as Candace is a mom with children still at home, but I'm getting a lot out of reading it and I recommend it if you're working on making healthier choices for your life. Here are a few quotes from the book that have stood out to me:
 "acting with critical awareness, as in a conscious effort to do better."
"Conscious living involves choice."
"Conscious living involves determination."
"Conscious living involves accountability."
"It takes work, it takes diligence, and it takes commitment, but in order to accomplish everything, I have to keep my priorities in order."

The second book I'm reading is one from my mother's bookshelf. We were/are both big fans of Max Lucado's writings. It's called It's Not About Me. Particularly meaningful during the Lenten season is a story Lucado shares about a European priest who gathered the church for a special service. 
  "in the darkness of the night ...they waited.
Soon the priest arrived. "when he reached the crucifix that hung on the wall, he lit a candle. Saying nothing, he illuminated the pierced feet of Christ, then the side, then one hand, and then the other. Lifting the candle, he shed light on the blood masked face and the crown of thorns. With a puff, he blew out the candle and dismissed the church." pg. 69 "

It's about taking the focus off ourselves and putting the focus on God. On being "mirrors, reflecting God's glory." Everything we do is to bring Him glory. 

Both books talk about purposeful, intentional, committed, determined living....making the most of our time for our time here is "but a moment." 

Both books have mentioned I Corinthians 6:19 "Don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you?" Is it a coincidence that our pastor mentioned that verse in his message this morning? As Jethro Gibbs would say (for you NCIS fans), "I don't believe in coincidence". ;)

During the Lenten season, I recommend that believers pray and find the one thing in their lives upon which they depend the most that keeps them from depending upon Christ the most. It truly may be food, drink, approval of others, social media, or work. Commit to exercising a fast of whatever this "thing" is for the 40 days of Lent. Each time you feel the need to rely upon that "thing," let it be a reminder to you of your absolute dependence upon the Lord. Every time, for example, you feel a hunger pain, let it be a reminder to you of your soul's longing desire for God's presence that can only be filled through Christ.

Lent provides a unique time each year when believers can practice the discipline of self-examination. We examine ourselves and our deepest needs according to God's Word. It is also a time of anticipation as we look toward the promise and hope of Easter. We can practice the discipline of self-examination because we know the power of forgiveness and victory is ours through Jesus Christ.

 Rev. Dr. Page Brooks 

Baptist churches as a general rule don't observe Lent in the traditional way that other churches do. I have always been an "odd duck" as my mentor put it...I am an evangelical with liturgical tendencies. I "observe" Advent and Lent in my own way in my own devotional time, but it's never been touched as such in our church. As I mentioned before, since Gordon's passing I have felt the need to make some changes in my life, to set and accomplish a certain set of goals. Now, because of my readings, God has been showing me He is actually doing the leading in this process. He is showing me without a doubt what needs to change in my life. I don't think that the desires in my heart to make these changes following Gordon's passing are a coincidence with the things I have been reading. The desire was placed in my heart during a time when my heart was open to it and my reading has only confirmed it. What I'm still working on is the how...I'm taking that one day, one step, one moment at a time. Forty days Jesus spent in the wilderness preparing for what he was to face...forty days the Israelites wandered in the wilderness to prepare them for the promised land. 

I am excited about what God is going to teach me. 
Forty days...

I am Thine, O Lord, I have heard Thy voice,
And it told Thy love to me;
But I long to rise in the arms of faith
And be closer drawn to Thee.

Draw me nearer, nearer blessèd Lord,
To the cross where Thou hast died.
Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessèd Lord,
To Thy precious, bleeding side.

Consecrate me now to Thy service, Lord,
By the power of grace divine;
Let my soul look up with a steadfast hope,
And my will be lost in Thine.

O the pure delight of a single hour
That before Thy throne I spend,
When I kneel in prayer, and with Thee, my God
I commune as friend with friend!

There are depths of love that I cannot know
Till I cross the narrow sea;
There are heights of joy that I may not reach
Till I rest in peace with Thee.

Not Giving Up

Once again my plans took a backseat. Daughter came over unexpectedly yesterday and was in a very chatty mood. My goal list was once again tossed aside so I could spend time with her. I'm not complaining - I'm happy to spend time with her, but I also need to find a way to get in a routine that works. I was able to work on my scrapbook while we talked, so I was at least able to say I accomplished something. Today is going better. I'm taking a small break in my day, but there is only a couple more things on my To-Do list for the day and since Hubby is on the ice all evening, I have several hours still with which to work. 

We've had a blizzard raging here all day and it's about minus 12 below zero not counting wind chill. The wood stove is having a difficult time keeping the house warm...as a matter of fact, my hands, feet and nose have been cold all day. It doesn't look to warm up any time soon - I'm so over winter! Now I read that the area is under a Civil Emergency because of white-out conditions and life threatening freezing temperatures if someone were to get stranded. Sheesh!! I'm actually wishing they would cancel church for tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure they won't. It really is just too cold to be out if you don't have to be. 

I haven't been to practice the organ all week. It's been an unusual week with Gordon's memorial service on Monday, teaching on Tues., Wed., and Thursday and "company" on Friday. It was just much too miserable to go out today. All this to say, tomorrow morning I'll be leaving early so I can put together my music for service. Nothing out of the ordinary though so it should be fine. 

I'm not giving up on my goals...next week has to be better!

Intentional Living

Yesterday I mentioned some changes I'm making in my life...well, that is trying to make. I feel as though I'm always doing this...always starting over, but no matter how defeated I feel, it must be done. I don't think I'll wake up tomorrow and be able to suddenly flip the switch that allows me to do everything I'm supposed to do when I'm supposed to do it, I think it will be a process. 

Today was the first step in that process...a very painful but productive massage. The physical demands of playing the organ and the massive amounts of time I spend sitting take their toll on my body. Add in emotional trauma and we have a mess! I wasn't going to go, finances being what they are, but I also knew if I'm going to make the changes I want to make, I have to be in my best physical form and a massage is the very beginning of that. 

Ephesians 5

6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not be partakers with them; 8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light 9 (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), 10 [f]trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even [g]expose them; 12 for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. 13 But all things become visible when they are[h]exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. 14 For this reason [i]it says,

“Awake, sleeper,
And arise from the dead,
And Christ will shine on you.”

15 Therefore [j]be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise,16 [k]making the most of your time, because the days are evil. 17 So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, [l]for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to[m]one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; 20 always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to [n]God, even the Father; 21 [o]and be subject to one another in the [p]fear of Christ.

I read something someone wrote about "intentional living", they used Ephesians chapter 5 as their Scripture base. I think there is more to the meaning of this passage than just spending our time wisely, but I do think what she had to say has a lot to do with what I'm going through right now. I especially connected with verses 15 and 16. It is my intent to make the most of my time. The ultimate goal is to glorify God with how we spend our time. Don't get me wrong, I still think there is time to "let my hair down" and just enjoy some things in life for no other reason than sheer enjoyment and I believe God blesses that as well, but I know I waste quite a bit of time - usually on the computer. I find ways to put off studying, practicing or working out - I think I'm just lazy. I also have filled my time with too many things I might enjoy but don't necessarily bring me any closer to accomplishing my goals.

Tonight after my massage I'm very worn out. I can't believe it's already 9:00. I may work on my scrapbook (yes, that's on the goal list) for a short while, but I hope to turn in early so I can get an early start tomorrow. I hope I'll be feeling better and will be able to "make the most of the time". 

Distractions

Thank you all for your kind words and comments on my tribute to Gordon page - it really meant a lot. 

I was so thrilled to find out at almost the last minute that Gordon's memorial service was made available via live stream. I had to do some student juggling, but I knew I had to "be there". It was a beautiful service. I found out later that there were 600 people in attendance in the building and 160 of us watching online!! Am I amazed? Yes and no. 

The prelude music was provided by the man himself via recording and couldn't have been more appropriate. It was strange in a way...watching a memorial service of someone I cared so much for on my TV screen. It almost didn't seem real. During the prelude they were showing a slide show, pictures of him. I couldn't see them very well and some of them not at all because of the camera angle, but I did see one of my very own pictures of him show up on the screen! It was this one I took of him on choir tour one year.

I'm sure they just grabbed whatever pictures they could find, but I felt honored when I saw it there. It was a connection...a confirmation that I was indeed part of his life. I remember taking that photo...who would have imagined then where it would end up. 

The very first thing was the entrance of a 60 voice choir that sang his choral arrangement of It Is Well With My Soul. We sang it in college, so I know it well and I knew from the very first notes played on the piano that it was Gordon's arrangement. Those who spoke talked of his love for God that was made manifest in everything he did, of the joy in his music...an outward expression of the inward man. So true! His son told how his dad had taught him to participate in music even when "just listening", made him ask questions regarding the emotions in the music, the colors, harmonies etc. He said that his dad found God in music and taught him that creating art was an act of worship. I know this is all true; he taught the same things to me. 

Two things that stood out to me that the other speakers mentioned. One, that Gordon's "default system" was praise to the Lord. No matter what was going on, even in the midst of cancer treatment and pain, he was still praising God. Two, that Gordon gave us a picture of God every time he sang or played an instrument. That was the point of Gordon's music...his life...to praise, honor and glorify God and it was evident in everything he did.

It's been a difficult couple of weeks and my entire system is paying for it. Gordon's passing has left me pondering things in my own life...he's still teaching me. 

I feel as though I've gotten off track...I've been distracted by too many "irons in the fire". I have so much going on and I'm going in so many directions that I've lost time for my true callings. I won't go into a lot of detail...just know that there are some changes coming. I know I've been called to glorify God in my music and reviewing Gordon's life has given me a renewed passion for practicing, studying and teaching; for putting into practice everything he taught me and for learning what I never quite grasped. I want to be the best musician I can be but it's going to take a lot of time and effort. 

I've been reminded of successful athletes...they eat, sleep walk, talk, breathe their sport. That's what it takes. I know I'm going to have to let some activities go and I'm finding that difficult, but I'm not getting any younger and time is marching on it seems faster and faster every day. So..I will be making a list of both my responsibilities and my callings and putting away the things in my life that don't produce advancement in those areas. I believe God has a place for me...I may not be saving souls on the mission field, feeding the hungry or giving my life savings to the poor, but I am called to be diligent in the place where God has set me. Lately I've been more distracted than diligent, but with God's guiding hand, it is my hope to put away those distractions. 

I hope you'll all stay with me on my journey.