Summer Rain

We just experienced the most wonderful rain! There was a little thunder but no visible lightning and once it got going it was one of those nice, steady, soaking type rains...just what we needed. It came at a time of day that brought back memories of my childhood.

Nearly every afternoon in the summer when I was young we could set our clocks by the rain. It would come in around 5:00 or so just when dad's were coming home and it was time to go inside for supper. We would eat to the sound of the rain forming puddles in the yard, then by 7:00 or so it was over and all the neighborhood children would head back outside to splash barefooted in the gutters. It rarely failed to disappoint.

I remember summer evenings after those rains. There were several of us kids living on or near the corner of that street. We lived next to the corner house where Karen and Joey lived...Karen was my brothers age, about 4-5 years younger than me. Then Denise lived across the street from them, she was in my grade at school. Roger lived next door to us on the other side, he was one year younger than me and his sister, Gwen was a year older than me. Also in that family was Mary, Steve, Greg and Cindy - the last four were all too old to be caught playing with us. Although, we used to rent out a small cottage behind our house to a single young man and all the girls in the neighborhood were ga-ga! Mary would come out and pretend to join in with us when he was out working on his car. We would play hide-and-go-seek, red rover or freeze tag, running in and out of all the yards until we couldn't see each other's faces or our mother's started yelling for us to come in. Those were the days, such simpler times...today I miss them.

I had a massage therapy appointment today. It wasn't as bad as I had expected, though my usual chronic problems reared their ugly heads. My therapist told me about how our bodies hold onto things like stress and grief and how the left side of our bodies relates to the female, while the right side relates to the male. One of my chronic issues is my left hip and leg. The hip is in the center area of the body and does a lot to support and carry the rest of the body...being on the left side, the female side, she suggested perhaps I am holding onto grief for my mother and it is being "stored" in my hip, that if I could find a way to release it my pain might diminish, maybe even go away entirely. How do you let go of grief?

I'm also having a great deal of pain and tension in my right shoulder. She said the shoulder is often where we "shoulder" our burdens, concerns and worries and since it is on the right side, that suggests by worry would be regarding a significant male in my life. She said she had the same issue going on about the same time she learned about this theory. She said she was having right shoulder pain and not only did she want to rid herself of the pain, but she wanted to try the theory out for herself. She thought long and hard about what it could be, but couldn't figure it out. Not long after that, her husband quit smoking and her pain went away. When she realized it was gone, she thought about what had happened and realized how worried she had been about her husbands health. It made her a believer in what she originally thought was just far-fetched.

I am worried about my husbands health and stress levels and the fact that he also shoulders everything for the entire family. I worry about what would happen if something happened to him  - where would I turn? How would I manage? What would I do? We have no savings, I know nothing about the business, how to sell it and all the equipment, I don't have a job that would pay well enough to support me, and finding work at my age in a small town will be next to impossible. I know nothing about cars, insurance, or anything because he refuses to teach me or go over what to do just in case, no matter how many times I have asked or expressed how much I need him to lay it all out for me.

I do still carry grief for my mother and all the thoughts of my childhood summers brought back some lovely memories of her always being home and always being there for me. Perhaps I carry that in my hip. I miss her, I will always miss her and I grieve...how do I let go of that? I have no idea.

The rain has passed for now but the clouds remain - the coolness is welcome as is the light breeze coming in the studio window. The crickets are singing and this summer remains for just a short time, then it to will be just another memory.